Lets watch the world burn
by themightypanda
Summary: Shes cold and alone, running, always running, till a her choices land her path crossing with a band of men that will change her life forever . Soap/OC
1. Child of the wilderness

I don't look for friends, not someone to understand me,

or someone to fill that hole in my chest,

I am alone, lonely in some horribly deep way and for

a second, I can see just how lonely,

how deep this feeling goes, and it scares the shit out of me,

It seems catastrophic,

1

Its so cold here, the kind of chill that penetrates right to the bone like its slowly eating away at you, but its something you get used to, if your trapped by it long enough. For Emilia it was the way it always was. Constantly cold, always snowing, large crystalline flakes, the sticky kind that's perfect for building large lumpy snowmen. Emilia's not thinking about snowmen right now though, thoughts of that nature have taken up residence in a far corner in the back of her darkening mind, maybe to be reflected upon later, when the world is more quiet, but that's unlikely. Her young mind in constant alert, is always on edge, watching and untrusting. Nothing was safe anymore, always moving now, from one tired and lethargic place to another, but when you're a poor and wanted fugitive that's all life can really give you. And today would be no different, somewhere in northern Russia, Emilia was making the long and tiring trek between towns and small villages. Whenever she'd reach one she'd manage to talk her way into a home, and for chores and a helping hand would sometimes receive food and a nights lodging, not to mention the perfect opportunity to steal a few things, usually a few items of clothing or money.

Change was good, change kept you alive, but even for someone in Emilia's worn shoes there were a few things she refused to alter, her hair for one, fugitive or not, her mass of dark locks was her pride and joy, even if at the moment her main was greasy, dirty and full of knots and tangles that she chose to keep in a long messy braid hidden away in the layers on softly patterned scarf's and shawls that draped her slender shoulders. The last thing that Emilia refused to give up was her Dragunov sniper riffle and an American ACR 6.8 assault riffle, the Dragunov she kept disassembled in a bag she carried over her shoulder, the ACR slung across her back under a coat, all safely hidden from view.

Emilia was surviving one long unforgiving day at a time, working her way to Poland, and from there, well who knew, but what did it matter, she had no one that relied on her, no one to be accountable to. And that was just fine with her, it was lonely, painfully at times, but alone would always be better.

After spending the early morning trudging along the frozen earth Emilia was finally able to make out the distant outline of houses threw the gently falling snow, this was a blessed sight, she needed to rest.

Finally reaching what turned out to be a small city Emilia immediately began to canvas the first neighbourhood she came to, studying the houses crowded along the frosted side walks.

Experience has taught her that blinding going to the first house you see can be a very bad idea when you don't have any idea who is on the other side of the door. So she watched, taking a seat on a bench a few yards away. Her large hazel eyes searching, after awhile Emilia spotted to young children, a boy and a girl probably around 8 or 9, they looked healthy, and happy as they teased and poked each other.

Healthy, happy, and well clothed is a good sign, so as she waited to see what house the children ventured

into she pulled out one of her many pockets a delicate gold chain with one small gold cross and fastened the thing around her neck so it was just resting in sight on top of her scarves. Another useful tool.

The kids entered a modest two story house a few lots down from her position, walking now, towards the door Emilia to a deep breath pulled on her 'game face' and knocked loudly.

After a moment, heavy foot steps could be heard descending a set of stairs, when the door was finally opened a large woman stood there, frazzled hair, a round cheerful place and tired but soothing eyes.

"Da?" she says, but its more a question as she looks down at the young and stunningly beautiful girl on her door step, taking in the almost vagrant clothing she raised her brow and waited for the girl to speak.

"I need a place to sleep for the night, I'm pregnant and on my way to the Catholic monastery past Urarovka. I can work and clean and will by gone at dawn" Emilia said sadly in Russian her eyes large and pleading. The woman= took a moment to think on this, her own eyes judging till they landed on the trinket around the girls neck and smiled. Nodding she beckoned Emilia inside.

"Yes yes my dear, come in, you can help me with dinner"

Emilia smiled to herself at her lame story actually working so well so many times and followed the woman inside.

OMG! Wow that's kind of short, this is my first story ever to be posted, all up for constructive criticism to!


	2. Learn to be Lonely

Life it seems will fade away,

Drifting farther everyday,

Getting lost within myself,

Nothing matters no one else.

2

The day came and went quickly, there was warm food and kind joy, Emilia played with the children, helped clean and cook, and at the end, when night came, prayers were said. The woman whose named she learnt was Ulina, aloud her to sleep on their sofa, and for what seemed like such a rare thing, Emilia actually slept soundly and dreamlessly till the sun rose.

In the morning Ulina gave her a 'care package' as she put it, but was a brown tote bag filled with frozen juice boxes, cellophane wrapped bread and cheese, and a generous bag of beef jerky. Emilia was beyond grateful as she said goodbye, such generosity was a rare thing now a days.

So Emilia left, back on the road again, nibbling on a peace of beef jerky, she walked briskly down the crowded street and at one point, upon spotting a small corner store, shoved the last of the tuff meat into her mouth and entered. She browsed for awhile randomly checking labels on random goods she had no interest in till the elderly man behind the counter felt her no threat and went back to reading paper. Seeing this, Emilia made her move and quickly snatched a carton of cigarettes, stuffing it discreetly into her new tote, then flipped the man a few rubbles for a chocolate bar and left.

That was her vice, smoking, hair and guns aside, it was the one thing that really helped her relax, as bad as it is, and she down right refused to give up yet. So with a smile on her face Emilia lit up and carried on. Watching the street signs she located a train station, this would be a little tricky, boarding, seeing she has no papers and not enough money for even there shortest trip, but she's done it before and will do it again. The wait wasn't to bad, actually Emilia was probably quit lucky she hadn't missed the damned thing, as the platform became crowded with commuters, she made her self home near a group of school girls that looked around her age, now Emilia isn't some over emotional or hormonal teenager, at the ripe age of 25, but she looked young enough anyway.

Piece of cake, she thought smiling inwardly, with the crowd practically all shoving on at once it was easy to slip on unnoticed and hide out in the toilette for the 10 minutes she'd be on the train.

After her short train ride was over, and the warmth of its toilette was gone, Emilia continued on her way, on foot and across the country side. Avoiding major roads and highways was a very important thing to always remember. She didn't really mind walking about the trees and frozen grass, nature was peaceful, its tranquility was soothing on a damage and aching heart. But ever so often, like right now, not even the beauty around her could quell the dull pain within her. It was always there, throbbing away like a dark and foreign mass, a tumour, slowly feeding off her cells, her body, eating away at who she used to be till all that's left is and empty smiling shell. But Emilia doesn't cry, there's no time for tears, so she walks, for miles with stopping till after an unknown amount of time, comes across a large industrial building of sorts. By all appearances the hideous thing looks empty, and even though Emilia knows better than to assume that, she goes and checks it out anyway. the frozen lock on a service door on the western most side was easy to brake open, brittle and old metal snapping quickly under the pressure of a random scrape piece of rebar provided.

"Hmm" Emilia hummed as she looked around, its was spacious in here, a broken down series of conveyor belts littered the floor along with quit the helping of dust and debris. The ware house as it turns out to be, screams of abandoned, so Emilia decides she couldn't have found a better place to hunker down for the night. Not in the mood to explore, instead made her way up stairs to the cat walk the circled the ceiling and found a small room, well more of a storage room actually, given the rotting wooden shelves stalked with an assortment of useless objects. After shedding some of her layers and removing her weapons she sat down and dug in to the food from Ulina, having a good hearty feast if you asked her. Life was grand.

- later that night-

Emilia's eyes snapped open, instinct sending alarm bells ringing into her subconscious and she heard it immediately. Voices, men, quit a few by the sounds of it. Russian.. Fuck not the good ones either. Emilia groaned into the palms of her hands, mad at her own stupidity. Deviate from your path and shit gets messed up, but it looked so inviting, even if she should have kept going. But she'll scold herself later, at the moment focusing on not existing mattered the most, the hadn't found her yet so there was a go-

Emilia's completely stilled when she heard footsteps pass the room she was in. One, two, three… four men maybe. They're sneaking to. Emilia figured out what was about to happen just when the 1st shots rang out, followed by a lot of yelling and screaming from the Russians and silence from their attackers. Interesting.

Once the shooting stopped, she could hear the strangers descending the stair case, so as quietly as possible, Emilia tried to stand up, realizing to late and with insurmountable horror that both her legs are asleep, her arms flailed wildly for something, anything, her hand grabbed onto that old and rotted book shelf, the one with the useless stacked objects.

"Fuck" she squeaks as the whole damned thing comes crashing down making the loudest possible racket it can. Emilia, in a total panic now, grabs her ACR and ran behind the door, pressing herself as flush against the wall as she could knowing that this door would be opened any minute now. Footsteps, growing closer till they stop just outside. There is a distinct pause before the door was kicked opened and the instant realization that she'd have no room to shoot the stupid thing, so Emilia dropped the weapon and lunged at the man who entered 1st.

She jumped on his back, locking her legs around his waist and wound an arm around his neck, when he swung one of his own around to attempt to pull her off Emilia bit down, and bit down hard.

"Aaargh, FUCK get this bitch off me!"

English.. He's speaking English , he sounds Irish or Scottish or whatever, but all that aside Emilia held on as tight as she could till a unseen pair of hand grabbed her and practically ripped her off. She tore out of the other mans grip and scuttled backwards as quick as she could, trying desperately to find a way out but instead became cornered by the two men, one had a black mask on, a white skull painted on the front gave him a distinctly uneasy and dangerous air, the other bigger mans face was bare and clearly pissed off, his right for arm dripping blood.

Right at the same moment that Emilia was going to try and run past them the guy with the Ghost mask charged her first, amazingly she had dodged him only to be cloths lined by the one shed bit, sprawled on the concrete and coughing.

"That's enough of that" unmasked man said and grabbed both her arms, and secured her wrists with black zap straps.

"Let me go!" Emilia yelled in a panic, immediately trying to pull her hands free, fucker really made them tight. "I'm not one of them… please, let me go!" The men ignored her, and pushed her out onto the cat walk where two other men were apparently waiting, one was a little younger than his comrades the other seemed considerably older.

"Thanks for helping out in there Roach"

Roach… his mother named him after a bug? Poor kid. The men behind her not wanting to hang around started leading her down the stairs and out side.

"Hey Ghost, radio for extraction" says the man that she's now sure is Scottish.

Ghost… these have to be there nick names or something.

"What's your name?" the one they called Roach says suddenly, stepping into stride beside her. Emilia choosing to remain silent keeps her eyes forward, doesn't even glance.

"Id guess military, though I don't know which one teaches their soldiers to carry their weapons around in a potato sake" Ghost jibs from somewhere behind her. Emilia just rolls her eyes and continues to fume.

"So.. Nameless girl, your like what, an out of work mercenary or something" Roach prods more, and again receives no reply.

Emilia is led in the middle of their little parade back through the trees and into the countryside, the grass underfoot was frozen and unforgiving.

The group reached a meadow about half an hour later, empty of all but a single black helicopter, at the sight of this Emilia instinctively dug her booted heals into the hard earth, pushing back against or English captors, and even though her attempts where weak and almost comical no one commented, instead someone gripped her arm tightly and walked her up and into the readying chopper, no choice, no way.


	3. The enemy of my enemy

All those years and all those lies,

Cling to my body like oil and fire,

And they will not sleep,

They will not tire.

3

After being carted off in their helicopter, a gruelling and uncomfortably quite hour long flight unused, Emilia nearly jumping out of her skin with frustration and anger at the whole god damn situation, which was now so completely out of her control. after awhile and thinking that she might just start screaming to relieve the pressure building in her chest the helicopter gave a subtle, almost undetectable drop in altitude signalling their decent and Emilia breathed a sigh of bitter sweet relief, at the very least shed be able to stretch her legs a bit before they tortured her or whatever these guys do to random girls they come across.

The area they were landing in was much like the forestry clearing they had left, except that there was a small old two story house, more like creepy and abandoned by the look of extreme weathering, missing roof shingles and broken window shutters, but all in all Emilia figured she was right in assuming that this dilapidated peace of crap was their temporary field base.

Once led inside Emilia was immediately ushered into the a living room of sorts, which was as antique as the rest of the place with its faded and pealing green floral wallpaper and stressed and stained wood floor. There wasn't much in the way of furnishings either. Against the back wall facing the window was a large stained stripped white and green eye sore of a sofa, and a round wooden table off to one side that had a very interesting collection of very 'high tech' laptops and gadgets with blinking lights.

It was the scary sofa that she was to be sitting on. So Emilia sat, moving around a bit till her bound hands weren't squished behind her back.

``Now you better start talking lass, why were you there`` asks the Scott as he stood before her in a rather imposing fashion. The man had taken his took and coat off and now Emilia could really get a look at his face, which was strong and overgrown with stubble, His dark hair shaved into a Mohawk, he reeked of `hey I'm tough and dangerous` but all in all, he had to be the most handsome man she'd ever seen. His piercing blue eyes, cold and unsympathetic, cut right through her and it took a moment before Emilia found her voice.

``Please, just let me go`` she hated the way the words sounded coming out of her mouth, but she did her best to appear completely innocent in the matter anyway.

The Scott sighed aggravated and just stared at her bulky arms crossed over his chest, and Emilia could her hushed voices and the creaking of floor boards in the next room.

So she thought, might as well give them something, the sooner she can get rid of him the sooner she can leave.

``Emilia…my names Emilia`` Emilia said tiredly, making her eyes as large and doe like as possible.

``Emilia..`` he repeated, her name hanging in the air with question.

She sighed for the thousandth time. ``Emilia… Yolnova``

He frowned a little and crouched down, eye level with her now, ``you don't sound Russian``

``I was born here`` she said with exasperation, loosing her grip on her innocent girl facade `` in the capitol, but I left for England when I was 8, came back about 6 years ago`` cringing a little as her words got a little to close to a territory she didn't want to go.

``Why were you in Shikhovo, or the factory`` he asked a little more patiently, he probably thought he was getting to her or something, Emilia frowned, surprised to here she'd wandered so far from where she thought shed been.

``I, needed an out of the way place to sleep. I cant afford a room at the moment`` he actually laughed at this.. Emilia raised both eye brows at him and glared a little, what about THAT could he possibly find funny.

``You couldn't have found a more in the way spot, though if you hadn't made such a racket in there we probably never would have know you where there``

Emilia just nodded in reply to this when the old English man walked in the room, the Scott giving him her name then he left again as broodingly quit as when he came in. Great now they're going to run her name to, and she just added heavily to the list of fucking stupidity, this time its why the hell didn't she give a false name, she god damn new better, was so much smarter than that to make such a dumb ass flipping move. Emilia literally had not been thinking… at all, maybe exhaustion was finally catching up to her, to many long days and nights without proper food had dulled her brain some. Either way it was done now, she didn't think there'd be anything that could actually make them want to arrest her, just question her for another 48 hours maybe, or if she's lucky, depending on what's gotten around, there wont be much of a red flag if any and all her panic will have been nothing more than wasted energy.

``So, Emilia`` he says this almost sarcastically, as if he thought shed lied and was now pointing the fact out that he was smatter and knew ``what do you think my friend there will find`` he looked into her eyes again, but the glare she just couldn't handle this time and looked away, and was ashamed by her weakness. Fuck, she's stronger than this, she thinks, and forces her eyes back, forcing the anger and hatred that festered in her gut to the surface and projected it outwards, like a shield, and smiled on the inside. The sudden change in her behaviour startled the soldier, evident only in the way the muscles in his thick neck suddenly twitched, or the slight way he squinted a little more.

``What do you fight for soldier`` if he was surprised by this, he didn't show it, but took a contemplative moment to answer, never breaking eye contact.

``Freedom``

Emilia smiled softly, he said it with such certainty, and it was a small comfort, that despite the horrors that have obviously passed his way, he still is, good, hardened, but good.

``Freedom has so many different faces``

Again he considers this, impressed by the young girls words, but figured if she's using sniper riffles and assault riffles she's not playing with Barbie dolls.

``What definition would you use lass``

``To live without oppression. To be free from tyrants proclaiming they fight for freedom, then turn around and murder there own people`` Shit, that got away from her a little, Emilia was slipping, or like there was this small rebellious little person inside her brain plucking out her thoughts then shoving them out her mouth before she had a chance to stop it.

The Scott sat back just a little and looked her over, thinking that she was probably a rebel or something, and was a little pissed at himself and his men that none of them had come to that conclusion a few hours ago, now that it seemed so obvious.

``Nothing Soap, just a 3 year stint in the Russian military, rank Sergeant, than are little gal here disappeared off the map, no credit cards , no paper trail nothing`` he said, his thick British accent was ruff, almost like someone had rubbed his vocal cords with sand paper, he eyed her for a moment longer before heading back into where the kitchen must be.

Soap… he called him Soap, Emilia looked over at the Scottish man and almost laughed out loud, these men have the strangest nicknames for each other.

``I was just 20 at the time, when I `disappeared` as you say`` Emilia smirked at them, but didn't moved, even with the horrible ache that was spreading from her bound wrists up through her arms and into her shoulders.

``So, where did you go Emilia`` Soap asks standing up`.

Emilia's resolve slipped a little more, and began to wander if maybe telling them was wise, would they arrest her, she was pretty sure now that they were after who she used to associate herself with, they would want that information, whatever they could gather from her, but she wasn't safe here and would have to leave soon, safe was on the move, alone and in obscurity… would they let her go if she talked, maybe, they wouldn't really need her after that, or, even better would be to just escape after. YES! It was brilliant give them what they want, they go after the bad guys and she gets away no worse for where, and it might feel good to actually do something positive for a change.

``Untie me and Ill talk`` WOW she was really doing this! To say shed just lost her mind and jumped on the crazy train was an understatement, but the foreign swell of something different than anger and sadness in her chest made it worth it.

Soap tiled his chin up little as if gauging whether she was trying to pull a fast one on him, but with no weapons and being totally outnumber theres not much she can do if she did try something, so he pulled up a chair, pulled out his knife, and sliced the zap stapes off when Emilia leaned forward, than sat in the chair lit a smoke, passed one to her, and waited a she rubbed her red and swollen wrists.

``Are you after Vladimir Makarov`` this clearly surprises him as he leans forward a bit in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees and is more attentive than before. The room around them has grown darker, deep shadows now swallow the corners and play menacingly off they creases and lines of his face, as the smoke at his lips glows brightly for a moment till he exhales , and its gone and just a little bit darker. Somewhere else, another soldier has turned the hallway light on before leaving for the rooms up stairs.

``Do you know him``

``I can tell you where to find him``

Soap laughed out loud again, this had to be to good to be true. Emilia just rolled her eyes and flicked ash on the floor at her feet.

``Believe me or not sir, but Vladimir is my step brother`` Soap stared at her, like she was crazy, or lying, or both. And this only irritated Emilia more, finally lets go enough to tell him, and he doesn't fucking believe her.

``Its true, my mother married his father when she was pregnant with me, we lived with them till I was 8 then we fled the country, but I never understood why`` Emilia looked down at her nails, worn and dirty, on the tips of her stubby fingers, starting to regret getting into it at all.

``When I was 16 I came back to Russia, joined the army, left that just before my 20th birthday…I.I sought my brother out, I …wanted to fight for a better Russia`` when she said this Soap really saw the Russian in her, but it was deep, the way her eyes grew out of focus with the love for her country, then it was gone, like a light went out, no, that didn't explain it, it was like that love, that happiness was pulled away, and replaced with something else. A darkness that he knew all to well, it was a bitterness that one gets after all the beauty in this world drains away and all that's left is a cold, broken and despairing wasteland.

``I went along with him at first, I was naive and patriotic, thinking that his ideals were the same as mine``-``but that wasn't the case`` Soap interjected`

``Exactly… he had started collecting weapons, not just guns, but things no one should have, it was scary but I stayed silent and stood by his side, thinking loyalty actually meant something to him… five years I watched, he began to do terrible things , killing so many innocent people for nothing but a point the was trying to make`` despite Emilia's best efforts and against all she tried so hard to instil in herself, her eyes were burning with tears, and a cold hard lump began to pulsate painfully in her throat.

``So one day, about 6 months ago, he gets a shipment of a chemical agent and two large warheads``

Soap knew exactly what she was talking about, they'd been tracking that shipment for weeks but had arrived to late, Makarov had already taken it.

``At night, when everyone was asleep expect for a few men patrolling I crept outside killed the ones I couldn't get around and broke into the hanger he stored those things in. I disabled the warheads, permanently, after that I carried one by one the 6 crates of gas and loaded them onto a truck, drove the damned things out into the middle of fucking no where to a damned chasm and dumped them over the side. Maybe not the best way to dispose of it but it was all I could do… the hysterical part of it all is I actually managed to do all that and make it back and into bed with anyone knowing.``

Emilia paused to pull her scarf free from her head, letting a surprising long mass of tangled dark hair fall about her face, Soap was momentarily stunned and had to refocus himself when she started talking again, and each of them lit another cigarette.

``When he found out the next morning Vladimir went into a rage, trashed everything, shot people, but all the while he seemed to know it was me.. I was shot twice escaping from that place, I made it about 2 miles leaving a very follow-able trail of blood when this elderly couple picked me up and drove me to there house, they patched me up and I've been running ever since``

Emilia looked at the floor, exhausted now by her tale, her heart heavy, and her soul a little more wounded than before.

``Is he after you`` Soap asked wondering.

``Oh yes, but not really for revenge… but for this`` Emilia said, and in that moment as she reached into her top, down into her bra and pulled out a little wifi stick in a zip locked bag, that her eyes shone with something akin to malicious hatred.

Soap looked at it, taking a moment to realize what it was.

``Everything that was on his personal hard drive, locations, dates, other shipments.. Fucking names, everything!`` Emilia extended her arm towards him, the bag dangling from her fingertips almost seductively, and Soap took it, sliding the little object into the pocket of his jeans.


	4. The deal breaker

"I couldn't be with people, and I didn't want to be alone.

Suddenly my perspective whooshed and I was far out in space,

watching the world. I could see millions and millions of people

All slotted into their lives; then I could see me- Id lost my place in

The universe, it had closed up and there was nowhere for me to be.

And I was more lost than I thought it possible for any human being to be,"

Marian Keyes, Anybody Out There

4

Emilia rolled over on the old bed, unable to sleep. There was no clock in the small room upstairs, (which had previously belonged to Roach who had not so graciously given it up to go sleep on a cot in Ghosts room) and there was no telling what time it was but she assumed it was getting close to 4 by what time shed gone to bed.

And Emilia felt drained, like her insides had been scraped out.. Painfully hallow, and she wanted to run, to climb out the window and just hide in the wilderness, just to get away from everything again, from everyone. People are a sad and depressing species, doomed by our inability to just coexist, doomed by what makes us "human". Emilia could stay, and help the British fight for maybe the last thing worth fighting for…. Or she could just say fuck it, slip out and leave it be, after telling them all she had, giving them the wifi stick she owed them nothing.

"Fuck it" Emilia whispered under breath, and very quietly slipped out from the covers on the bed and stood up, she began to dress, pulling on each layer of stressed and dirty clothing, her worn jeans, a shawl and all her scarves, then bent over and pulled on her knee high leather boots, the brown material was rubbing off and cracked now, but it seemed to hold. Then, as quietly as possible, hugging one side of the wall to avoid the spots that would creak and grown, descended the stairs and made her way into the kitchen looking for her weapons. With a great sigh of relief Emilia saw then sitting on the counter still in their 'potato sacks' though Emilia realized with dismay that the assholes had left her tote with the food in it back at the factory. Grunting angrily Emilia started opening cupboards, and a feeling of immense irritation grew as each one she opened was as empty as the one before, not a can or package of anything. How the hell did all these huge guys feed themselves! And to top it all off all the fridge contained was a variety of beer…BEER!

"Craving a late night snack"

Emilia squeaked and turned quickly in surprise, she had been so preoccupied with the damned food situation that she didn't here the old man with the funny mustash come into the room.

"Fuck you scared me" she says then glances back at all the open cupboards behind her " not much into eating are you guys" she says this with blatant sarcasm and shuts the fridge door.

"Going somewhere" the old Britt says ignoring her comments and nodding to her clothing, Emilia just staring back, like a challenge, daring him to try and stop her.

He walks a little further into the room and sits down at the kitchen table and pulls out of a breast pocket a cut cigar, the sudden glow of light when he flicks the silver Zippo illuminates his face and Emilia gets a good look at him for the first time, he looks tough, is tough, it's the same strength that Soap and his skull clad friend ghost have, when you've been fighting gruelling wars for so long that you cant remember anything else.. They are soldiers right to the core. Roach isn't quit there yet, hasn't fought as many battles, hasn't been beaten down and rebuilt as something else. But he'll get there.

He beckons to her, waving a hand to the chair opposite him, and Emilia eyes it suspiciously, she shouldn't even be contemplating sitting down, he's not armed at the moment, just grab your shit and go, but she doesn't, against the screaming in her head she sits down, her chapped and pealing pink lips drawn into a hard line.

"By the way, I'm Captain Price"

Emilia's eyes widen almost comically when his name hits her ears… Captain price…

"You know me?" it was more a statement then a question but Emilia nodded anyway.

"Yes.. Well I've heard, of you, Vla- Makarov, has mentioned you often and a- a Task Force, 12, no a 141 or something but I never heard anymore than that, "she says and her eyes grow even wider as the pieces fit, and she couldn't believe she hadn't figured it out sooner, it was so obvious now, "well fuck me" and she laughs a little.

"he never went into detail, but I know he fears you " Emilia says this with a smile in her voice.

Prices looks her over a moment, and its his turn to take her in.

You wouldn't be able to tell, just looking at her face, her almost ragged clothing aside, she looks young, like she could be going to the movies instead of sitting where she is now. But its Emilia's eyes, the large hazel orbs are narrowed with distrust, but they're tired eyes, trying hard to hide a deep well of sadness, but he can see it, her pain flashing out like a beacon,.

"What's your proposition Captain" Emilia says braking the silence, there's panic welling up in her chest, and her feet itching for her to get up and leave.

"If you help us, find and kill Makarov, you'll be granted amnesty, and you'll have personal protection, food a place to stay"

Emilia flinched, shed known it would be something like this.

"I don't need your protection" she says bitterly, still seated in her chair.

"Clearly.. But if you refuse, Ill arrest you right now for war crimes, being apart of his little brigade, technically lass you the bad guy, and you'll stand trial before the American Military courts, after they interrogate you" Price wasn't sure how much of that would actually happen, but by the way Emilia just hissed at him, she believed every word.

Emilia couldn't believe this was happening, try to help these guys out and they black mail her, her pulse racing with anger now, she wanted out but how, she'd have to fight this guy, and shed never reach her gun in time. Her brain stumbling over plans of escape that would never work, one after the other as her eyes searched for something she could use. Price watched with amusement when her body tensed, raised a little off her chair like she was going to pounce. After a few moments the grip her hands had on the table edge loosened a little, and she sat back again. Defeated, Emilia sighed, refusing to meet his eyes, she felt so weak now.

"Fine, Ill play along, but I have a few of my own conditions" she barked at him, " I want to be paid, and I want new cloths"

Price chuckled, deciding that he liked the girl, and they really needed all the help they could right now.

"You have a deal" he extended his own worn hand towards her. Emilia took one deep breath and shook it.

Emilia slept on the sofa for the last few hours of darkness till dawn crept over the sky, and was woken by the sounds of heavy boots moving about above her. She followed the sound with her eyes as whoever was up walked down the stairs. Soon Ghost and Soap came into view, both men groggy from the restless sleep they'd gotten.

Emilia felt instantly embarrassed for the way she had just spilled her guts the other to Soap, true shed left some things out, but that didn't take away the shame of just spewing your sob story to the first hunk who said he listen. No, he had demanded it, she really had no choice, .. Ya well, at least that made her feel a little better.

Soap and his friend eyed her as they walked into the kitchen, Soap giving her a good morning I'm an asshole nod, Ghost just looked away, no expression, nothing more, nothing less. Emilia just rolled her eyes and fished for her smokes, which were despairingly almost gone, her carton rotting away with the rest of her stuff, might as well have been on another planet for all the good it did her now.

"Hey..uh, Scottish guy.. Come here a sec" she barked, groggily trying and failing to sound nice.

Soap rather disgruntled, poked his head through the door way waiting for her to go on.

"Aside from beer, is there anything like.. Coffee"

The way Soap just stared blankly at her had Emilia thinking he hadn't heard her.

"Yup, but you have to put the kettle on… its instant"

Emilia groaned, pulling her sore body up off the couch, feeling sweaty and dirty from sleeping in her cloths.

***********************Later that day*********************************************** ********

"Is this a good idea Price" Soap asked, Ghost standing stoically beside him, his arms crossing his chest, "we don't know her, not really, what if-"

Price put his hand up, silencing the younger man.

"We need all the help we can get mate, she could be very useful, I've sent command the data from the memory stick but its encrypted, said it was a safety measure on Makarovs hard drive, its good, but it could take a while, that also tells us that whatever's on there is worth protecting, but until that happens we use the girl, any problems" the two men before him shook there heads and walked off. Soap only hoped the old man knew what he was doing. Sure he had believed what she had told him, but he could tell she was with holding things back, not to mention, what if they came up against Makarov and she had second thoughts.

Nicoli, a large Russian with a surprisingly cheery demeanour arrived a short time later, bearing the supplies Price had requested early this morning.

He and the other men all grabbed boxes carrying them inside, getting the job done quickly. Price, reading a few labels, picked up one box in particular and dropped it at Emilia's feet.

"Hope these fit lass, they were the smallest our friend could find -"it was like looking to dress a fucking midget" Nicoli added colourfully.

"FOOD, Finally!" Roach cried out with joy as the three younger men began opening the boxes stacked on the table, about 5 in all, most contained various packaged and canned food items, the others stored ammo, grenades and other gear. "Were pretty new to this field base, so we haven't had a chance to properly supply it yet" Roach doesn't see the look Soaps giving him either. Fucking wanker, they don't know her, she doesn't, shouldn't hear these things, even something trivial like that made him uncomfortable.

With out a word, Emilia picked up her box of goodies and left for the privacy of her up stairs room. After showering quickly she went to see what surprises her box contained, she would never admit it, but it was exiting.

Deciding to keep her jeans on, after changing into new underwear, she stripped her self right down to her bra, and pulled on a black racer back tank top, then a loose fitting cream shirt, rolling the long sleeves up to her elbows. After that she shrugged into a grey fleece sweater, then put a military winter jacket down on the bed, and picked up an armoured vest, it was much smaller than what she had used before, but it seemed well made and flexible, which was good, this she set aside and began strapping one leg holster when the door opened, and Soap stood there, his face void of expression.

"Were having lunch in a minute, your welcome to join us"

"Thank you"

Soap hesitated at the door, like he was going to say something else, but it was the look he just gave her that really bothered Emilia, had her straightening her back and frowning as he turned and left. 'What the hell was that' she thought, for a split second she thought he might be checking her out, till it changed and was threatening. Emilia new this wasn't going to be easy, hanging around, practically living with a bunch of guys who really don't trust her, don't even like her. But she understands and its not something she holds against them, sighing, Emilia held the new pistol in her hands before sliding it into the holster on her thigh, then wrapped a rather lovely looking chequered scarf around her neck and she could swear shed never felt better then right there, people aside, it felt so damned good to be clean.

"So it all fits" Price comments when she walks into the kitchen, finding them all seated at the table, including the Russian pilot from earlier.

Emilia nodded and smiled as she sat down in the one remaining chair, a little squished between Roach and Nicoli, she looked at the meal, if you could call it that, it was made up of rations, protein bars, canned orange juice and beer, and Emilia was beyond grateful for this. She began to eat, or really was just picking at her food, the rations were dry, but had to admit that the British made much better ones then the Russians, that had been a foul and unpleasant experience.

Soap watched her as they all ate, from his spot across from her. Emilia kept her head down , didn't engage the others no matter how much Roach tried to start conversations with her, the most he'd get was a one word answer or a smile and nod, then her head would duck back down, eyes down, back to her food, which she ate funny. It reminded him of bird, or she's just savouring it, like she doesn't know when she'll be able to eat again. Emilia was interesting, and Soap would be lying if he didn't admit that he noticed immediately how beautiful she was, but he couldn't trust her, not just because of her affiliations, but also of this bad feeling in the pit of his stomach, like his instincts where trying to worn him of impending disaster but couldn't form the words.

Ghost suddenly elbowed him in the ribs, " stare much" he mouthed silently. He actually blushed at being caught, he hadn't meant to do more than just glance, but got lost in his own thoughts.

Soap brushed is friend of with a shake of his head, the whole ordeal going unnoticed. He went back to eating, forcing the dry tasteless food down his throat after loosing his appetite.

After everyone had finished and the table was cleaned, the soldiers of the 141 went about doing there own things, Price said they'd have a meeting soon to discus whets happening next and give him and Nicoli a chance to check their own sources. Emilia took this 'meeting' as them wanting some more information from her, so shed see what she could give that she hasn't already, but later, now she was going to sit down, out of the way and wait. Not much else to do, maybe doodle a little if there's a pen and paper lying around somewhere. So that's what she did, searching around haphazardly till she found a black pen and a note pad.

Emilia curled up on the sofa, trying not to look at its head ache inducing pattern as she lit a smoke and began to draw unimportant things on her borrowed paper, she was zoning out, the tip of the pen slowly stopped its motion, the beginning of a little cherry blossom went unfinished as her mind turned in on its self, the ashes from her cigarette falling to her lap.

The mind can be a dark place, depending on what you have stored away in there, like Emilia and her constant tug-of-war between letting go and running away. Running is always easiest, to not have to face what your afraid of seems like such a sweet thing, until one day you realize that you've spent your whole life running, and all its gotten you is alone, and lost with absolutely no one beside you, it's a scary and sad place to be in, and she should know, its what's on her mind right now, how alone she is, truly alone, no family, no friends, no job, no home… expect something's changed, she went and got herself tangled up with the very men the brother she hates fears. This thought again made her smile, but it was faltering, almost crooked, making her look more in need of help than before. All that, and just the plain fear of working with the Task Force soldiers, she wasn't really the buddy up to random strangers type, she didn't trust them as obviously as they don't trust her, but that's good, and that's the way it will stay, she was a means to an end and was ok with that. Maybe after, if Price is true to his words, she can start over, somewhere brand new, with fields and meadows and lush green trees.

Emilia sat there, curled up like a five year and day dreamed, her thoughts jumping from one thing to the next, from all the things she wanted so badly but could never have, to all the horror that's passed before her eyes, and it all made her realize how tired she had really become, or was her journey coming to a stop here that made that apparent. Either way, she's stuck here, good or bad.

" Kitchen in five" Ghost says from the doorway and he's gone again before Emilia even sees him, but she stretches feeling the old familiar string of pops up her spine, then lights another smoke and wanders over to the kitchen door. The three Task Force soldiers were seated at the table, Price remained standing just leaning against the countertops, and with out a word took the seat beside Ghost, who smirked and quirked an eyebrow at Soap, Soap just glowered and shook his head, why Ghost thought he was crushing on the new girl was beyond him, but the man poked fun anyway.

"Ok Lass, what can you tell us" Price started, Emilia looking up from her spot at the table, the strong expression her face help was a little surprising to Soap who expected something, weaker, or more mouse like. But this girl was all over the map it seemed, but at least, she is willingly giving them information.

Emilia pulled the pen and paper pad shed been drawing on before out of her sweater pocket, tore off a few pages and began to write. Her hand scribbling down words quickly, it took a few minutes and everyone sat in silence, waiting with interest.

"Here" Emilia said, sliding the piece of paper across the table to where Soap sat. The man took the ofering and read it over..names, and locations, not a lot but it was more than theyd had in months, he glanced up with an exited glint in his eye, if she was telling the trueth, and this was all real shit, this could mean an ending was insight. Soap nodded and handed the paper off to Price.

"Ok good, Ill run the names through, see what comes up, but we should check each of these places out right away if they're all recently used hideouts for Makarov himself" Price said this last part as he glanced at Emilia who nodded back,

"Ya I've been to a lot of them, and I've met all of those people on there, briefly, and I hardly know them enough to even call them an acquaintances but Id recognize their faces anyway" Emilia's spirit lifted a little at the thought of actually going on a mission with the task Force, and the fucking irony of it all made her grin.


	5. The ponderings of unsettled minds

"She was like a drowning person, flailing, reaching for anything that might save her. This was an urgent, desperate struggle to justify her life."

5

Soap sat on at the scarred kitchen table, alone in the room as he reloaded one magazine after another, the steady click-click-click of the bullets sliding into place was the only sound. The Scott's dark brows knotted together as his hand worked and his mind wandered. Theyd be leaving soon, a few hours before night fall, heading into another town, chasing after Makarov. Price was putting a lot on having the girl actually come with them. Soap had had a hard enough time with her carrying a weapon around, but she's been out of service to long, Soap huffed hot air out his nose and shook his head, it wouldn't matter even if she'd never left the army, the girls a damned liability. A liaison, Price called Emilia and said that they had to bring her, that was when Ghost walked out, silent as always, but the way his shoulders went rigid and his unmasked face scowled made it painfully obvious how he felt about it. Roach, couldn't give a shit, Soap had asked just what the old man thought he was doing, when he'd had thought Emilia was out of ear shot. Price again repeated himself, but Soap wouldn't drop it, having to baby sit Makarov`s deserter sister would get them all killed, she should stay here, Price wouldn't here it, stubborn bastard.

Emilia, who had been watching the exchange from the stairs was evidently a little insulted by this, he could tell when he turned and saw her standing there, the hurt and anger in her eyes, her soft oval face became pinched, almost resembled a child`s, like she's on the brink of screaming or crying but you don't know which. Soap would never admit it, but he felt bad, guilty for demeaning her like that, Price telling him again to just deal with it.

Click-click-click, almost done.

Emilia, after snapping at him that she wasn't some damned pussy princess in distress turned around and went right back up to her room, and has been there ever since other than coming down and grabbing an arm full of food and leaving again. Soaps hands paused in their work when he realized that he'd been thinking about her all day, no more than that. The damned girl had been on his mind the moment she fucking bit him. Seeming to solidify this, the scabbing wound on his arm began to throb, a perfect little imprint of her teeth would be with him for life. Continuing to reload the magazines again Soap tried to put his mind on the mission, he didn't know the area theyd be going into, Novodugino, somewhere in there anyway, Emilia has been there, so maybe it is okay she comes. If he keeps her behind him maybe they'll make it alright, at least she has some military training, its better than nothing.

Click-click-click.

"Aye mate"

Ghosts sudden presence startles the Scott, and his friends throaty chuckles only served to mock him, Soap just grunted a response as he loaded the last clip and laid it on the table with the rest before raising his eyes to look at his friend.

"Something on your mind John" the tone in Ghosts voice was teasing, his eyes glinting like he knew something Soap didn't as he sat there, legs stretched out, he lit a cigarette and tossed one across the table.

Soap watched the smoke roll towards him, the little white and slightly bent stick coming to a stop just before falling of the edge, shaking his head he picked it up and lit it.

"So..?"

"So what"

Soap eyed Ghost, knowing what he was getting at, and if that's what he thought, the man was completely crazy. There was no room for that sort of thing, not in his line of work. Emotions.. Feelings, Soap thought and almost laughed with how juvenile he sounded, watching the smoke tendrils float almost hypnotically about the air above them. Emotions are dangerous, they're distracting and will get you killed. Emilia was a good example, even if he could trust her, and she was completely earnest in all this, she was a boiling pot of anger and pain, he could see it on her clear as day. Like she's using everything within her to keep a lid on it, and that in itself was dangerous, the poor girl is going to blow her top someday soon, and given the circumstances theyd be there to see it happen, the last thing he, or her needed for that matter was to start something that would inevitably just end up hurting or killing them both.

"You ready for this?" Soap hid his relief when the subject was changed an visibly relaxed, Ghosts permanent scowl twitched into a small almost undetected smile, then it was gone. Soap was easy to read, for him anyway. The Scott had been distracted for the last few days but just out of respect for his friend Ghost wasn't going to push the matter.

"Always mate" was Soaps only reply.

The sounds of Price and Roach playing yet another game of poker, or a weird and not really poker but its fun anyway version of the game, could be heard from the next room, Price, another thing on his mind the last few weeks, the old man had, for him anyway, virtually come back from the dead not more than a few weeks ago and it was already like he'd never left. Price played it strong, well, is one of the strongest men he knows, but Soap could see it, written all over his aging face, how much Price wasn't the same man anymore, but than neither was he. War changes people, it destroys them, when in the end everyone whose left standing are all the bad guys, just on opposite sides.

Soap stood, the muscles in his broad shoulders coiling and uncoiling as he rolled them, and still lost in thought wandered about getting the rest of his gear ready for later. Ghost leaning back in his chair looked down at the balaclava in his hands. Rubbing his fingers affectionately across the soft material. His own dark mind echoing Soaps.

Emilia has been laying on her bed for quit awhile now. Watching lazy little dust particles float above her, glowing in the now early evening light that was poking its way into her room. Its strange, how calm this moment is for her. Like if she tried hard enough and closed her eyes, that she could be someone else, in a far off place, removed from war. Gone would be all her troubles, and she could be just happy, or if that's to much to ask for maybe just ok. That insufferable hotty down stairs, the one with the Mohawk she couldn't get out of her head, he would be there, and his friends and theyd be barbequing and drinking beer. Her eyes opened slowly, her pupils shrinking to accommodate the sudden light. That was stupid, dreams are for idiots, because all dreams did was let you down in the end. Fuck, she laughs and shakes her head ``stew in the pity pot much`` her own voice sounding strange to her ears.

After a few moments Emilia sits up, hanging her bare feet off the edge of the bed, struggling to rid herself of the uncomfortable weight in her chest, the one that she can sometimes forget but is always there, when the fighting stops and its quiet again, then its back, a constant reminder that she's failing, failing the country she loves, failing anything that had ever meant anything.

Sliding the rest pf the way off the bed and to the floor she pulls her socks and boots on, holsters her pistol, and throws the grey sweater back on, and as much as she doesn't want to go down stairs she's out of cigarettes, and now that Emilia wants one she cant stop thinking about it. So she makes her way out the door and down the stairs, her feet quiet and her head held high, still hurt and bent out of shape from hearing Soaps argument on her role to play, if she was going to see the asshole it wouldn't be cowering.

Price and Roach nodded and smiled at her when she reached the first floor, and Emilia waved back then headed into the kitchen her nose following the heavy smell of cigarette smoke like a hound on a blood trail. Relief swept through her when Ghost was the only one sitting at the table, smokes and ashtray before him, and that freaky mask tossed next to it.

``Hey`` Emilia says, and sits down where Soap had just 20 minutes before.

Ghost doesn't respond, he just looks at her, briefly than back down to wherever his eyes were before. Emilia frowns, wondering why all the men here are so damned rude.

``Can I have a smoke please, all out and you guys left my other bag behind`` she smirks when he tosses his pack over without looking.

``Have it, I've got more`` Ghost says then stands and really looks at her this time, when he speaks his voice is low `` you`re coming along today weather we like it or not, I suggest you take this mission very seriously and you better listen to everything, we tell you to do or Ill leave your ass behind``

Emilia wasn't exactly surprised by this, it still hurt a little but she'd get over it, its not like they actually knew each other, so she accepted it and would listen to them even if they don't think she's capable of doing that.

``Alright everyone, were off in 10, make sure your ready`` Price informed the 141 and the girl. Nicoli had arrived a few minutes before and was leaning against the living room wall beside the window, quietly smoking on one of Prices cigars. The rest of them, filed out side, having been ready to go about 30 minutes prier to Prices little speech, the gear and armour was heavy but reassuring on their backs. Roach fitted a dark blue took over his sandy blond hair as Emilia walked outside behind them.

``Aye looking good there girly`` Roach grins and winks, and she just smiles back, avoiding the look Soaps giving her. She really looks the part now, he thinks almost sadly, she looks older to, the black jacket Emilia's wearing covers the Kevlar underneath, the vest overtop is worn and a little big, and Soap can see the extra holes she's punched through the straps to tighten it, but its bulky with extra ammo and grenades. The Russian sniper riffle is slug over her back and she's holder the ACR in her hands. But it's the way Emilia's braided her hair that has changed her face somewhat, pulled back and away in a French braid that winds down her neck and her front, just a few loose strands escape to dust her forehead and cheeks. Soap can see a scar on her right temple he's never noticed before, its blotchy and uneven surface looks strange next to her pale clear skin and he wonders for a moment if he'll ever know what caused it before shaking his head and climbing in the chopper after her.

``ETA thirty minutes`` Nicoli says into the com and they take off.

Emilia's stomach is clenching nervously with those damned butterflies. She's scared, and no matter how hard she tries to focus on the cold country side that's rolling by in a darkening blur below them she cant shake her fear of seeing him again.

Soaps watching Emilia as she leans forward in her seat, bumping into Ghost occasionally as the helicopter rocks. She's fidgeting, pulling at her nails, with her head down again and the nerves she's feeling are almost tangible in the air around her and he can see she's scared. He has to give her that the girl is strong, Emilia isn't complaining, she's internalizing her own weaknesses like they all do, its no different than him, or Price, but he's finding himself wanting to tell her that its ok to be scared, its ok to feel like that. Some rebellious part of him wants her to know that they'll keep her safe, but he cant say it, or he wont. Soap just doesn't go there, like those little yellow radiation signs in Chernobyl that warn of ` bad things and death beyond this point`, so instead he looks out the door, its dark now and Soap cant see the ground, and instead its like flying over an unending black abyss, and that knot in his stomach, that `bad` feeling is still there.


	6. Fortunate son

""There will be no redemption because the men who run this place do not want redemption. They want to be as near to hell as they can."

― Colson Whitehead, The Intuitionist

6

Emilia's breath plumed out before her rhythmically like smoke as she and Roach lay prone on the frozen hard earth, hidden amongst the trees and foliage that seemed to magically survive the harsh winter.

"Inside now Whisky One" Soap whispered in her ear and she adjusted the borrowed night vision scope on her beloved Draganov sniper riffle also equipped with a rather impressive silencer, and peered more closely at the windows of the hide out she'd sent them to. Emilia should just be great full she wasn't left behind, but the pissed off anger at finding out she was to provide over watch with Roach still lingered like a bad after taste in her mouth.

"No movement" she whispers back, but that doesn't mean no ones there. She knew there would be, these places where never just, empty. All the lack of activity meant was that Makarov wasn't here.

"Rabbit, movement on the Southside… two clock" Roach says from beside here and she swings the riffle around accordingly, and spots two burly man patrol theyd missed earlier were coming around the back of the Estate, getting closer and closer to the door Ghost had left open. Emilia frowned and adjusted herself, leading the targets a few seconds before pulling the trigger back twice in quick succession.

"Tangos down" Emilia whispers into the air, knowing that the 141 can hear her, she glances at Roach whose squirming a little uncomfortably next to her, she smiles a little before turning back to her scope, 'serves him right'. Roach had picked out her call sign and told her it was because she was such a warm and fuzzy person, and was lucky they weren't calling her Bunny.

"Approaching second floor stair case" Ghost says, and Emilia immediately looks to the second floor windows again, she cant see them all from this angle but so far the team remains undetected.

"Hotel 6 if anyone important is here, its going to be in the master bed room, second floor, last door" Emilia informs them, receiving a roger that from the Scott, she covers the com link wired to her ear with one hand and signals Roach to do the same, so she didn't distract the men inside.

"I think we should move"

Roach looks back over the estate then back to Emilia before nodding his head, anything to get off the damn ground before he freezes his jewels off. The two of them crouch slowly, staying low and follow the tree line around a ways, eyes wide and straining to see farther in the darkness as snow crunched under their feet.

Roach signals her to stop and they squat lower when he points two fingers to his eyes then off in front of him, and she sees it, a large group of men climbing out of a dark SUV, Emilia scrunches her face in frustration 'how didn't we hear or see anything?'

"Hotel six there's multiple tangos heading to your position from the north entrance" Roach says as his scope follows the burly Russians into the house.

"Copy that Whisky one" Price replies and all is quiet again, the tension now is so thick in the cold air around them you could slice it.

Roach and Emilia start walking again, eyes on the house, their ears straining to here what's going on inside, when gun fire suddenly explodes over the head sets the two of them wince, and break cover just as Price yells to go loud.

Emilia's heart is hammering so loudly in her ears as she runs, full force through the deepening snow, Roach trailing behind her when he stumbles, she slings her sniper riffle over her back and pulls the ACR out when her boots hit the ice that's hidden so dangerously under the snow, "fuck", Emilia slides, her feet just coming out from under her and she's down like dead weight, a white light explodes in her eyes when her head cracks the hard ground, her back twisting in intense pain as it slams into her sniper riffle and for a second she cant hear anything expect this god awful hum, and isn't fully aware of the hands lifting her up, or her feet as they begin to move again, then the noise is back, like someone plugged her ears back in and its disorienting but she keeps her eyes on Roaches back and follows him inside.

They can hear yelling, in Russian and the occasional threat in English, and thinks back to that fateful day in the damned factory.

"Hotel six, Whisky one closing in on your position, watch your fire" Roach says as they step over bodies and climb the stairs.

When they reach the landing Emilia quickly takes cover against a book case by the wall, Roach runs a few feet further and presses himself to the wall beside the hallway, the gunfire has stopped and the silence that follows is a strange sort of empty.

Ghost is the fist to show himself, walking out of a room near the back, his strides are long and confident as he walks towards them, nodding to Roach without a word.

"Fucking hell" Soap breaths out as he appears, and Emilia is taken back by her own relief at seeing the man unharmed.

"What you got there mate" Roach asks with a nod of his head to a sack slung over the Scott's shoulder, Soap looks back briefly and price comes up beside them.

"Hopefully Intel" he says, watching Emilia walk off in the direction they came from, she's rolling over the bodies of the dead Russians and it takes him a minute to realizes she's checking faces.

"Know anyone there Rabbit"

Emilia straightens up and without replying walks into the master bedroom that shed warned them about earlier. Nothing, just a bunch of low level no name fucking nobodies. Not what she was hoping for but at least they can cross this place off, once Makarov hears it was attacked he wont use it again.

"I don't recognize anyone" she tells them bitterly and they all begin to fill back down stairs and outside as Price radios for Nicoli to come get them.

"Bloody hell" Price sighs in frustration, "The LZ is comprised, moving to LZ two", landing zone two is considerably farther than the original, Emilia's stomach unsettles again at moving through unknown countryside in the darkness, on her own had been one thing, not to mention she had rarely travelled at night, but with four other men, they were a bigger target. In a way she missed terribly being on her own, not relying on anyone but yourself certainly has its perks, but bit by little bit, the draw she was feeling amongst them, and that pesky basic human need for companionship was strengthening. Emilia would never admit it, and it would be awhile before she could to herself, but she liked being with them, even if only for a little while.

The Task Force 141 soldiers and their unofficial liaison struggled through the knee deep snow, Price was in front navigating the bleak terrain, it was difficult, with the snow fall becoming heaver, to see were they were going and being far away from any town meant the only light was the haunting illumination of the moon reflecting off the snow.

"I think we'll be heading back to England soon" Roach whispers to her, if anyone objects to him talking at the moment no one says anything. Emilia however is not sure how she feels about this, its been a long time since she's been over there, assuming they're taking her with them.

"I heard something about General Shepard wants a debriefing with us, and wants to meet you"

Alarm bells ring suddenly in her mind at this and she narrows her eyes, "he doesn't know who I am though"

She says and stumbles a little in the snow.

"Enough chatter.. Nicoli ETA 25 minutes" Price barks, and Emilia sighs, picking her footing a little more carefully, ignoring the snow that's falling down the tops of her high boots, trickling cold water down her pants, soaking through to her skin.

Somewhere, far off in the distance a wolf howls, its haunting and sorrowful cry echoing off the mountains. When one quiets the mind, and really listens to the world around them, you can hear things you wouldn't even know is there, like now, as Emilia focus's on the wolfs calls, she can here owls hooting, the sound of the wind rustling the branches of the evergreen trees, and its beautiful. Nature is a dangerous place, many things die out here if they're not strong enough to survive, but that's all of their reality, every living creature fighting for its right to just exist.

As her attention shifts back to what they're doing, Soap falls into step beside her and she's not sure if he's slowed down or her and Roach have caught up. Either way, Emilia looks at him and she can see he's tired, the way his face is drawn and grim. The scar that cuts down his eye making him appear all the more the true warrior he is. Emilia looks away quickly a blush springing to her frozen cheeks when he catches her studying him.

"How's your head there lass" Soap asks, a hint of a smile in his deep tenor. Emilia had forgotten about her fall, and assumes Roach had mentioned it to them at some point. Reaching her hand to the back of her head she hisses when it comes into contact with a nasty swollen lump, its huge and probably mated with blood by the way her hair feels crusty around it.

"Just fine Captain" Emilia forces a smile out as her head begins to throb.

"Ok, just make sure we check it out back at base, you've probably got a concussion" Soap says then looks forward again, and suddenly its awkward, at least for Emilia it is, the softness in his voice and the way it sounds like he actually cares is throwing her off, 'he hates me, or at least strongly dislikes me' she thinks, and eyes him again, this time a little more discreetly, and wants to know what he's thinking, being nice to the sister, well step sister of your most hated enemy can't be all that appealing, and they way these men have been with her is only natural, Roach aside who pretty much just acts like any man his age, but she cant place Soap's attitude change as slight as it might be, but Emilia is not complaining either.

" Я хотел бы предложить вам остановиться именно там, где вы находитесь'' (I suggest you stop right where you are).

Emilia is the only one who jumps at the sudden voice, as the others just slow down, riffles immediately raised. She knows the voice but cant exactly pin point it till a lone figure steps out of the black forest around them.

"Anton?" she says before her brain to mouth filter can kick in and mentally slaps herself.

"А я думал, что это ты, маленькая Эмилия, разве это не неожиданность'' (Ah, I thought that was you little Emilia, isn't this a surprise) Anton says with a chuckle that sends shivers down her spine.

"Out of the way chap before we cut you down" Price says dangerously and for once Emilia is beyond grateful the men here are with her.

"Captain Price is it, I would not do anything rash if I were you" and its then that Emilia and the others can make out shapes in the dark recesses of the trees, there's men out there, and the glinting of a few scopes is giving away their positions, but really its impossible to tell how many have them surrounded.

"ы была плохой девочкой, но г-жа ваш брат будет рад знать, что мы нашли вас ... даже если это с неблагоприятными компании'' (You've been a bad girl Ms, but your brother will be happy to know we've found you… even if it's with unfavourable company) Anton says directly to Emilia now and she backs up involuntarily, bumping right into Soaps chest and she wonders for a brief moment how he got behind her so fast.

"I'm not going anywhere with you" she says in English to him, her eyes darting between the Russian and the trees, seeking a means of escape.

No ones says a word now, they just stare angrily, waiting for someone to make the first move when Roach suddenly grabs a grenade off his vest, pulls the pin and throws it into the trees to his left were he's counted most of the hostiles.

"Граната!…Граната!'' (Grenade!…Grenade!) Someone yells and six Russians split from their hiding places just as the offending object explodes in a deafening boom and shower of dirt and debris. At that precise moment the 141 followed closely by Emilia makes a break for it towards the trees on their right, firing off bursts of gun fire as its returned, bullets whizzing by their heads, one tiny miracle after another when no one is shot down.

Once in the cover of the forest, she slams her back against a large tree, wincing as her Dragonov pushes roughly into the bruise it formed along her spine earlier. Emilia can see Soap and Ghost taking cover up a head from her, and ducks quickly when wood splinters erupt around her face as bullets hammer the tree behind her. She takes her turn to return fire from the ground and a small glint of satisfaction shines in her eyes when her own bullets connect with two of the hostiles in a spray of dark blood.  
"How's it hangin' Rabbit" Roach says between panting breaths as he skids down to the ground beside her, a huge grin on his face, Emilia can't help it when a grin of her own mimics his, and the two of them empty their clips into the last of the Russians. Soap, Price, and Ghost enter the clearing again, that's now littered with bodies and snow stained red.

"Well that was close" Roach comments, and Emilia stepping over her once comrades starts walking again. Price seems to agree with this, and barks at them all to get a move on. There's no point in lingering around here any longer.

After awhile they can here the steady blades of Nicoli's chopper before they see it, but that doesn't stop the swell of relief in Emilia's chest, all she wants now, is to curl up in that moth eaten excuse for a blanket on that lumpy bed after having the hottest shower she can stand. Oh! And a fucking cigarette! The thought pops into her mind like a rubber bouncy ball and she stops walking so suddenly that Soap bumps into her again, and he thinks he shouldn't walk behind her anymore.

"What are you so exited about" comes Soaps voice as he walks up beside her and she spins to face him in extremely uncharacteristic glee, brandishing a squashed pack of smokes.

"Who wants one!" Emilia says and pulls one out, before tossing it to Soap, who in turn grabs two, tosses one to Ghost before giving the pack back to her.

In the helicopter now, time feels like its flown by, like she was sitting right were she is now not five minutes ago, even though its been a good few hours and broaching dawn. Emilia's weary eyes stare down at the metal floor beneath her boots, at the puddle of water forming as the snow stuck to her melts.

The previous elation she felt is gone now, and Emilia is thinking about how funny it is, how the tables turned on her so fast, that now, she is reminding herself not to get attached to these people, when before it was forcing herself to just get along. And she find it sad how much this is effecting her, Emilia's got enough shit to sort through without having to be concerned about other people, but she doesn't want to go, and the little tug of war rages on inside her head, making her feel like she's fucking crazy.


	7. Suspicious minds

And if I close my mind in fear,

Please pry it open,

When I start to come undone,

Stitch me together,

And when you see me strut,

Remind me of what left this outlaw torn.

Metallica

7

The last three days passed in some what of a blur for Emilia, since coming back from raiding the hideout in the Russian wilderness things settled into a monotonous pace. Almost a week she's been here now if she's counting right, and that, in and of itself is frightening. Roach has become a blessing, the man has this gifted ability to make her feel at ease, he's always laughing at something or telling horribly vulgar jokes and Emilia thinks that if she'd had a choice who her brother is, it would be someone just like Roach. Can't say the same for the others really, but don't get her wrong, she's actually getting along with the other soldiers, like her and Ghost now have this strange civility between them, and he's not glaring at her all the time anymore. Captain Price isn't there much, but he's nice when he is, distant, but that seems to be a common trait among the Task Force soldiers.

Soap on the other hand, things are weird around him now, Emilia avoids him when she can. Something has been developing in her chest, its warm and foreign and shouldn't be there, not only given the short time she'll be with them, but that its plain wrong, crushing on Soap wont do anybody any good, and the blush that creeps up her cheeks whenever he enters the room, is shadowed by something darker, no, its surrounded and suffocated by this darkness. The constant and ever present knowledge that nothing lasts, bad guys win and good people die. All that and this sickening feeling that she'll never be good enough for him. As much as Emilia is a basket of walking cliché's, she knew he'd never go for her, one she's Russian, regardless of all her time spent in England, she's Makarov's 'step' sister, a little fact that might as well have no bearing since she's known the bastard since before birth, and she's a AWOL Ultranationalist, even if she didn't want to be one, that will never excuse what Emilia believes she herself responsible for. But those are secrets, and even if none of these men ever find out what rages on inside her chest, she will.

"Oi! Where'd you wander off to" comes Roaches voice, piercing her self loathing and bring her back to the sad game of chess they both were attempting to play.

"At first I thought you were just, really thinking about your move this time…"he grins and leans in closer

"till I noticed you weren't even looking at the board'' he winks at her and nudges at Soap whose sitting at the table across the room from them looking at the laptops for the thousandth time since bringing the damned things back.

Emilia's eyes widen comically and she throws her best glare at Roach, picking up her knight and putting it down two up and three to the left a little harder than necessary.

"Fuck you very much sir" she says and takes his rook.

Roach laughs heartily at this causing Ghost who had just walked into the living room to stop and look before pulling a chair up to Soap and sitting down.

"Better move in quick mate, looks like the bug over there's treading on your territory" Ghost whispers as he leans in closer to his friend.

Soap lets out a bark of a laugh and shakes his head, convincingly coming off like he doesn't care, till he turns around and looks anyway, he couldn't' resist, and cant stop the subtle stab of jealousy at seeing her smiling over there. Soap doesn't think he's ever seen her smile, not really, a grin here and there didn't count.

"Not mine to fight over, if Roach wants her, he can have her"

Ghost laughs at this and lights a smoke with a shake of his, he doesn't think he's ever heard anything so unconvincing come out of his Captains mouth before.

You wouldn't be able to see the blush that's spreading up Soaps cheeks right now, given a few days worth of stubble and the poor lighting, but if one looks close enough, its easy to see the way he's grinding his teeth right now, pissed off at Roach and pissed at himself, he should be able to control shit like this, turn it on and off, Soaps a fucking soldier damn it, and has been all his life. But the thing Soap doesn't seem to think about is that even in war, even in all the battles he's fought in, you cant switch off your fear, or your anger, those come barrelling down upon your enemies with you, so why would you be able to switch off a different emotion?

Price walks in then, his face looks mean and angry right now, and Soap can bet money on what's about to come out of the old mans mouth.

"I tried to get Shepard to come up here for debriefing, told him that we cant afford the delays, but the bastard wont here it, so we leave for Iraq in half an hour" and bingo, Soap thinks with a grimace, no one likes talking to the almighty General, but they have to, he goes because he's told to go.

"Oh and lads, he does not find out about who she is" Price says and points one finger right at Emilia, whose starting to dread meeting this 'General' more and more.

"Yes sir" The three men say simultaneously and then stand up, Roach giving her a look that says I cant help you there. So Emilia stands to, and walks herself up to her room, shrugs her boots on almost robotically, the grey sweater, her black tank top, new jeans Nicoli had brought for her, a scarf and her black military jacket, no weapons this time, not if she's to play the part they've given her, which is don't say anything. According to general Shepard, she's a civilian, ex-army, whose seen Makarov around a city numerous times and is the only one willing to help them search it, ya know, since she knows the place so well.

-3 hours later-

Emilia hadn't been somewhere so fucking hot in a long time, the dry dusty air was suffocating, and she had shed all her coats down to her black tank top well before they even came close to landing. Now she was throwing her long dark hair into a messy bun after Roach had made fun of the way it had frizzed right up.

They were waiting in a large round office now, the stark cleanliness and straight lines was so different from where Emilia had been living the last week.

The soldiers around her waited anxiously for this General, but you wouldn't know it, Price was standing stoically at the back of the room, he's gazing out the back window, at the rolling desert that surrounds them.

Ghost is sitting like usual, his legs stretched out before him, ankles crossed. Roach is fidgeting a little, pulling at a loose thread on his kaki jacket. Soap is leaning against the wall behind were Emilia is sitting, his eyes are dark as he broods, large arms crossed over a broad chest.

Emilia isn't handling the heat any better as sweat beads across her forehead and shoulder blades, if she wasn't in a room full of men she'd strip naked or at least to her underwear. But its nerves to, uncomfortable butterflies squirm and swarm in her stomach as they wait, and she can't help feeling likes she's standing on a great precipice, and the change that will follow her jumping in will be life altering.

Just then the door swings open, and a large arrogant man steps in, hands clasped firmly behind his back and Emilia knows without being told that this is General Shepard.

"Were do we stand in our hunt for Makarov?" Shepard directly asks Price, who turns just a little, gives the General an open look of contempt and Emilia thinks he's the bravest man ever.

That's when Emilia really sees how different the 141 is from the regular army, no one shoots up when the CO enters, no hands thrust to the forehead in salute, just a few half-hearted 'sirs', and her affection for these men grows all the more for it.

"As you know, the mission is on going, but we have strong leads given by reliable sources, backed up by information detained on a data stick we obtained, most of its still encrypted and a work in progress" Price says flatly and the General with a curt nod, turns his eyes to Emilia and immediately, she's given the impression of a wolf, hungry and sizing up its next meal; everyone around her tenses.

"And this must be Ms. Yolnova, your reliable source?" Shepard says as he eyes her, Emilia doesn't see Soap go rigid behind her.

"I've obtain some valuable Intel through my own source and I'm giving the missions the Task Force" he pauses a moment as if to emphasize the importance of him speaking, "Sergeant Simon Riley and Sergeant Gary Sanderson will go to a known hide out of Makarov's on the Georgian- Russian Border in the Caucasus Mountains to retrieve Intel, it is a hot zone gentlemen, Ms. Yolnova will be your Liaison there" this has everyone exchanging worried glances, it doesn't make sense, its not on the list Emilia gave them, but more importantly she's not even an active soldier anymore, why on earth is he sending her with them.

"I don't think that's advisable sir, she's out of service, a civilian now" Soap says strongly from behind her and Emilia cant help the blush that warms her cheeks.

"Well, if that's so than welcome to the United States army Ms. Yolnova, you're here by enlisted against your will due to the safety of land and country, stationed in Task Force 141 until further notice" Shepard turns back to Soap" that satisfy you Captain Mactavish?"

The look Soaps giving the Genral right now would skin sheep if there were any in the room, as it be, General Shepard seemed amused by it.

"You cant do that, she's out of practice, needs training, where your sending her is dangerous, and is more likely to get them all killed" usually this was something that would piss her off, but at the moment Emilia found herself agreeing with Soap, this all just seemed to wrong.

"Its done Captain, so I suggest you spend the next few days getting her in shape" Shepard says "now , as for yourself and Captain price you are to go to the Kandahar Provence in Eastern Afghanistan Ill send you further details later, You have three days gentlemen" he turns at the end to Price and wishes them good luck, but by the glint in his narrow eyes Emilia thinks he means anything but.

And just like that's Shepard gone, and the room is quiet for a moment before Ghost lets out a low 'well fuck' and Roach just nods.

"Can he really do that, am-am I really an American soldier now" Emilia asks anyone who will answers, she's not sure how she feels about that, like its trampling on her Russian heritage or something, whatever it is, it doesn't sit right, non of it does.

"Hey can, unfortunately" is all Prices response.

Soap nearly growls as he pushes himself away from the wall and walks out of the briefing room, but not before punching a large splintering hole in the door.

Emilia stares after him, wanting to follow, but doesn't, she cant, it wouldn't be right and she knows that he'll be fine before Price says it who has evidently seen her watching after him.

"He'll be alright lass, Shepard gets to us all"

Everyone has wandered off now, trying to enjoy the last hour they have at this base before Nicoli comes and ships them off again. Emilia now feels particularly alone, standing outside the cold grey building they were in, watching squads of soldiers run this way and that. Smoking her third cigarette in a row she sighs heavily, and it really comes down to not knowing were she belongs in the world that's eating at her, that ever present knowledge that she's lost everything, and as much as she wants to be apart of the Task Force, despite what Shepard had said, that will end sooner than later, as soon as her usefulness has run its coarse. Then life will resume like she's never met them, and that is a large part of that dark hole.

"Looks like you're officially one of us now"

Emilia didn't see Soap come and lean against the wall beside her, and she jumped subtly, but nodded to him, her eyes still heavy with her own melancholy.

"You alright lass" there it is again, she thinks, that particular tenor in his voice where he sounds like he actually cares. Emilia turns her eyes up, meeting his and she studies him for a moment, and Soap's taken aback by the intense sadness that he sees looking back at him.

"No, not really" was her response, and Emilia offers a weak smile and turns her gaze back out, and there's a warm pressure on her bare shoulder suddenly, as Soap rests his hand there, and gently squeezes before letting go and she's sure he's going to walk off. When he doesn't, when she looks at him again and he's still there, standing next to her for no other reason than he wants to be there, does she give another sigh, but this one lightens the heavy a load a little.

Roach is here now, coming to sit on the ground a few feet away after high fiving Emilia and Soap for whatever reason. And just as she's about to comment she spots Ghost striding his way over as well, when he reaches them he surprisingly offers Emilia a smile she's never had the privilege of receiving before from the man, and maybe there is a chance here for real friendship, the kind were they have your back on and off the field, Emilia may not trust it yet, but the glimmer is there as the 141 soldiers surround her, Price now here as well stands a few feet in front of everyone. No one says anything for awhile, no one needs to, there's a comfortable quality to this silence that Emilia has never experienced before and it scares her at the same time it heals.

Nicoli arrives a short time later and welcomes them all as they climb aboard heading back to the old house to pack up before heading to Credenhill much to Emilia's surprise, as Soap explains to her that he;s going to run her through the pit a few times and see where she's at afterwards, and she's honestly excited about this, it's been forever since Emilia's done anything like that, she thanks Price then, in her mind, for blackmailing her, not allowing her to run away anymore. Soap is struggling between just accepting things for what they and, well, not accepting them. He can see it plain as day, how he's a little different around the girl, and he knows, like the others, that he wants her to stay with them, but that bad feeling in his gut is back, like a dull and blind premonition, he knows something horrible is laying wait in their future he just cant see it, but Soap had forgotten about for a little while, till the debrief with Shepard, ever since that damned man opened his mouth that lead ball in his belly came back with a vengeance.


	8. Have you ever seen the rain

"No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side. Or you don't."

― Stephen King, The Stand

8

SAS training facility in Credenhill, U.K

Wet, Emilia was soaking wet. It had been quite a long time since she had been to England, and she'd forgotten how much the place rained. Right now she was running this 'Pit' for the third time, and she was damned well ready to collapse. The whole thing was being over seen by Price and Soap, and the two men were relentlessly pushing her. Before this delightful slice of muddy hell they'd put her in the firing range and the gym, which Emilia had excelled at apparently, but this, this was madness. She was having a hard time concentrating now on the course before her, with her heart hammering so violently in her heaving chest she thought it might either explode or just give out. But it was the stitch in her side and the cramps in her legs that were really doing it and her time, which was surprisingly good at first was slowing down fast, as she propelled herself along, slipping in the mud at the last corner she turned, ran for the finish and collapsed to her knees in the squishy mud.

Price gave Soap a 'look' before taking her records from him and walking off, Soap waiting as Emilia walked over, literally gasping for breath.

"Bloody.. Fuck" was all she let out when she reached him. Soap laughed a little and patted her on the back.

"You did good out there girl, Price isn't happy about, I think he was hoping you wouldn't try your best, he doesn't feel right about you going on this mission" the way he says this though, Emilia wasn't sure if he was really talking about the old man, or himself.

"Come have dinner.. But shower first you look like shit" Soap smiled at the mock look of appal on her face, and the two walked towards the barracks together till Soap branched off the mess hall, leaving Emilia to watch after him, butterflies swimming around her stomach has become a regular occurrence now, as if the irritating little things took up rent in there.

To say the shower was amazing is an understatement, Emilia couldn't believe it felt so good; maybe it's the water pressure here, not like the one shower back at the base in Russia that you could hardly feel. Once she was done washing the day away and grudgingly stepping out, she dried herself off and changed into standard issue military cloths provided at the base before looking in the mirror hanging on the bathroom wall, and cringed at her reflection. Emilia looked tired, as she poked the dark bags under her large eyes, which at the moment almost looked to big for her pallid face, she hated how washed out her skin looked, maybe it was just how dark her hair is, though she really doesn't remember looking so sickly, and really wished at the moment that she had a little makeup. Though the last year, or few years she's been living would probably do that to a person. 'What are you gonna do' she thought in defeat and sighed, pulling her wet hair up and into a bun before making her way over to the mess hall.

The smell that hit Emilia as soon as she opened the doors sent her poor stomach into hunger over drive; fuck she's starving.

"Oi! Girly, over here!" Roach yelled when he spotted the small woman when come into the large hall, and Emilia made him out almost immediately amongst the sea of young hungry men and women. The other Task Force soldiers sat around Roach like their own little click and Emilia could see as she made her way through the crowds to the cafeteria counter, how many people would turn and look at them over their shoulders and whisper to the people beside them, it was odd, but the 141 was apparently as famous here as in Makarov's little circle.

After grabbing her own tray of fish sticks and chips, salad and juice she came over to their table, Ghost slid over towards the end of the bench when Emilia finally reached them, seating her beside himself and Price, Soap and Roach across from her.

The Scott was watching her eat again, thinking maybe she'd be more involved with them this time since it seems like as a group theyd all grown closer, but as Emilia begins to eat, her eyes are still down cast, nodding once and awhile to the comments made and smiles to the jokes told, and this all is bothering him way more than he'd like, but if anyone understands how the world out there can fuck with people its Soap. Back in Afghanistan, when she had said she wasn't ok, neither of them had tried for elaboration, just excepting that confession for what it was, but now, he really wants to know what's wrong, he wants to know why this pretty little creature looks so defeated all the time, but Soap doesn't think he'll ever ask, those are personal conversations meant for close friends and lovers, and the two of them aren't like that.

"So how are you feeling bout going off without our heroic Captains" Roach asks her suddenly and Emilia looks up at him and smiles "I have faith that the two of you wont get me killed or leave me there" she says, her tone teasing but they all know she means it.

"I'm more worried about you " Ghost adds in, pointing his fork with a generous helping of deep fried fish on it at her "getting us killed miss"

They all laugh, and Soap is a little taken aback.. Ghost to, when the bloody hell did everyone get so chummy with her. Fuck its bothering him, sometimes he thinks they have like a 'moment' as cheesy as that sounds, where for a few seconds they're just looking at each other but its gone so fast that it comes, leaving Soap wondering if it even happened, or the way he'll catch Emilia looking at him, her eyes widen subtly when she knows she's been caught and quickly looks away, giving Soap the cold shoulder. After all that though, it really comes down to the fact that the girl hardly ever says anything to him, when she's always talking with Roach, and Ghost now apparently, that's what's really bothering him, that and how he's starting to sound like a bitchy adolescent teenager even if its just to himself.

"We have two days left" Price says to them "it'll go fast, so I suggest you hammer away as much as you can Emilia, if we can't avoid you going then its best if your prepared" he sounds so grim as he says this that everyone is quiet now, and the fear is bubbling back, her and Soap now sharing the dark intuition of bad things to come.

Later that evening Emilia was in the Rec Room, which was another large room, out fitted with a few pool tables, some large expensive TV's, gaming systems, tables and couches and cards, and a myriad of other things. Emilia is sitting at one of the smaller tables, playing a frustrating game of solitaire as Roach and Ghost play some game on the resident x-box, and what game do soldiers play in their down time you ask? War games of coarse, one were they run around in first person killing the ever living shit out of a bunch of angry Russians no less. Emilia had laughed at this but was still a little unnerved by it at the same time.

The evening was waning fast as the storming sky outside darkened quickly, and with each passing hour the knot in her stomach grew, tomorrow that knot would be worse, the next day would be sickening. She couldn't stop thinking about it, this mission from General Shepard, it did sit right but she couldn't put her finger on it. Emilia had wanted to talk to Price or Soap about it but both men had run off after dinner before she'd had the chance to, and didn't know where the hell theyd gone off to.

Giving up again on the stupid game and feeling to restless now to sit still Emilia got up and left to go outside, maybe some fresh air would help settle her.

Still raining and windy, but that was ok, standing under the overhang she hardly felt it except a drop or two.

"Were did you run off to" she says when Soap walks over, hands in his pockets and a knit scarf wrapped around his neck, he comes and stands beside her, taking the offered cigarette.

"Worked out for a bit, then went for a walk" he replies and Emilia sheepishly makes a mental note to poke around the gym next time he goes in there.

"I don't like this mission Shepard has us going on, separating us and all that" he's echoing her own thoughts again and she nods in agreement.

"Seriously, its really bothering me, but I don't know why" Emilia admits and shivers lightly, drawing herself in more.

Soap looks down at her and she smiles, not sure what she's supposed to say now and the longer the silence stretches on for the more her heart beats, like she can feel that something is about to happen and her eyes flick to his lips so quickly Soap almost misses it, a warmth spreads through him though and the two of them are standing closer now, trying to read what's in the others eyes, each to scared to move, who knew something so simple in the scheme of things, would be so hard.

Soaps closer now than before and for split second Emilia wonders why she didn't see him move, but her brain goes blank when he's closer still, her body suddenly burning up from the inside out, her poor heart hammering so hard in her ears its nearly deafening.

And just when his lips are inches from hers, and her eyelids begin to flutter the unthinkable happens.

"Hey you guys out here- WOAH!- uh bad time-right" Emilia leaps backwards so quickly that she stumbles and falls to her bottom with an embarrassed oomph, cheeks bright red, lips clamped firmly shut like that alone is good enough proof that nothing was about to happen. Soap on the other hand is leaning his back against the

Wall he had almost grinded Emilia up against, killing Roach with his eyes, daring him to say something.

"What were you saying Sergeant"

Roach himself blushes a little, and grins down at Emilia as she stands back up "um, oh, just Price wants everyone to meet him in the conference room'' Roach says still smiling as he backs away just as Ghost walks out side as well, stops when he sees them standing there, and its obvious someone had just been caught doing something, and it's a pretty easy guess who and what, and he just shakes his head and ventures out into the rain, yelling back "you sorry bunch of wankers quit your snogging and hurry the fuck up"

Emilia's disappearing blush sprouts again and she turns on her heal, giving Soap a quick grin and runs after Ghost, soon all four of them are trudging through the mud.

Price is sitting down at a large table, tea in hand when they get there, he's stone faced and pissed off.

"You called for us" Soap says first as they all take seats, nervous curiosity on there faces.

"We're leaving early, first thing in the morning actually, Shepard's pushed it"

'Well fuck me' Emilia grumbles along with the rest of them.

"That's just fucking bullocks Captain, we haven't had a break in, fuck, I don't know how long, we get one day and that bastard is cutting it sort" Roach says angrily, Ghost is leaning back in his chair grinding his teeth.

"Orders are orders" Soap tells him, but Emilia can see this is twisting him up as bad as the rest of them, " best get some sleep then lads and lass" and that's the finale word apparently and they all stand, the walk back to the barracks is a slow one, each trying to soak up as much of this peaceful place as they can.

Emilia and Soap are walking together in silence, considerably more awkward than it was before, just when she's about to say goodnight and go into the women's rooms, Soap grabs her wrist and pulls her in, hugging her, his strong arms engulf her and Emilia, in that moment, doesn't think she's ever in her life felt safer. Soap lets her go, giving her a lazy salute and abruptly walks away.

Emilia walks into the quite halls, confused. He almost kissed her, Soap almost kissed her, she was sure she hadn't been imagining that, and the way he'd hugged her there, really felt like something, but she's over analyzing the way he's said, or hadn't said goodbye, like he was just bidding a friend goodnight or something.

'Ah fuck it all' she thinks and rolls over on her small cot, trying and failing to quiet her toiling mind.

*Ok so this ones a tad shorter, the next chapter is going to be a lot longer but it'll be a good one, but sad so bring your tissues!*


	9. Whiplash

Take a look to the sky just before you die  
It is the last time you will  
Blackened roar massive roar fills the crumbling sky  
Shattered goal fills his soul with a ruthless cry  
Stranger now, are his eyes, to this mystery  
He hears the silence so loud  
Crack of dawn, all is gone except the will to be  
Now they will see what will be, blinded eyes to see  
For whom the bell tolls

Metallica

9

Georgian- Russian Border in the Caucasus Mountains

"Tango down" Emilia whispers into her com as she watches one of Makarov's soldiers drop with a spray of blood into the moist foliage below him, a man she had recognized but heavily disliked.

Her, Ghost and Roach are hiding in a small boat house, down the hill from the target building, the log house cabin she's never seen before.

"On the count of three we move out" Ghost whispers back, and counts down silently with his fingers.

Their moving, hearts beating heavily in their chests as they quickly make they're way up the hill amongst the trees and dense bushes, the house looming closer and closer till Ghost thrusts a fist in the air and his companions stop in they're tracks. Emilia immediately searching the area through the scope on her Draganov, its hard to see much with the way the sun filters glowing beams through the leafy canopy of trees; its sad really, this would be such a beautiful place if it wasn't tainted with evil.

Ghosts moving again, closer still, they're almost there, a few more tango's fall without a sound, save the soft gurgling as they choke on their own blood.

"On my heals" the masked man says and they make a break for it, lining up against the hard wooden outer walls, Ghost peaking in to find the coast clear.

The 1st floor seems clear, room after room, even finding a small armoury of sorts, but still nothing until they approach the stairs were voices can be heard, muffled, but it sounds like there's a few of them up there.

There is always a trick to situations like this, a certain way it has to be played out in order for you to live and the other guys to die quickly, Emilia's trying to strategize this when Ghost pulls a flash bang from his vest the same time Roach pulls a grenade, and she knows what they're doing; the element of surprise is always the greatest trick.

She lays down awkwardly on the stairs, slinging her riffle for the trusty ACR and creeps slowly to the last few steps, oh so careful not be seen to soon, and nods to her companions when she's in position.

Ghost throws his first, a nice toss in the direction of the voices then moves behind Emilia just as Roach cooks and tosses the frag.

One deafening explosion after another has the Russians above them reeling, deaf and blind they are easy to take down, and 10 in all are shot dead, warm blood staining the hard wood floor.

"Go go!" Ghost yells and they run, cover blown, as fast as they can into the large room, a set of fancy computers sits at a desk and Ghost immediately heads for this and pulls out a piece of equipment Emilia can only assume is fro downloading the computers hard drive. She takes point at the large open window, crouching low in attempt to hide her self, Roach laying prone at the top of the stairs now, "Oi! We have company mates" he yells back and aims down his sights.

Emilia hears him fire and she leans over the table a little getting a better angle and begins firing on the soldiers that are converging fast on their position from the trees below. Quick short burst she constantly reminds herself, as her heart thunders and sweat begins to pool.

"Almost done" Ghost says more to himself then anyone, but they all here it and Emilia thinks just a little longer and they can get the fuck out of here. Piece of bloody cake right?

She abandons her position and runs over to Roach, angling herself at the corner of the wall for cover and tosses a grenade down the stair well, bouncing it off the wall at the bottom so the little thing rolls out into the open of the first floor. Another loud boom and she smiles with satisfaction when she hears screams of pain. Contact.

One after another, the soldiers drop till there is a bloody mess of entangled bodies below them.

"OK lets move out" Ghost says coming up behind them but there's no relief in his voice, its over when its over.

The three off them make they're back down to the first floor, and Emilia's almost deaf with Roach's riffle firing next to her head, but she ignores it, all her attention bent on not missing anything, check your corners, leave no one alive.

Outside now and its become a war zone, the enemy is everywhere. Running of the right of the log cabin and into thicker trees, trying separately for cover.

"Just down that hill, I can see shadow company, means the heilo's here, lets go" Ghost says and they move as one.

"ARGH… FUCK: Roach cries out and Emilia spins in a panic, Roach is hit, blood gushing for between the fingers he has clamped on his thigh.

"Shit, Rabbit stay here and provide cover fire, Ill give you a signal when to come down, I'm going to get him to the heilo" Ghost orders then grabs Roaches jacket collar and starts dragging the wounded soldier out into the open, firing his pistol as Roach shoots from the ground.

Emilia is nearly in a panic, firing on anything that moves to keep her comrades safe. Almost there, and Roach is hit again in his shoulder, she can here him cry out from here.

Fuck, come on, come on, she whispers, praying to a god she's never believed in.

She' switches her attention back to her friends as the last Russian falls, watching them through the scope of her sniper riffle as Ghost stands Roach up. General Shepard is here? Why is he hear? The panic boils again as the General takes the Intel from Ghost, and is talking to them, its not right, not right" what the fuck" Ghost hasn't called for her yet, and that sets off another red flag. From Emilia's position up in the trees, she doesn't see Shepard unholsters his side arm till its to late.

Crack, and he falls, and its like a dream, the world around her winding down into slow motion as her brain refuses to believe what its seeing, shock has its grip on her as Roach reaches for his friend and stumbles, then falls when a bullet explodes into his already broken body, and suddenly a sob choked scream wretches itself out of her throat and Emilia tries to fire her riffle, but its clip is empty. In the time it takes her to reload the thing, Roach is covered in gasoline and blood, and she brings the scope back up to her eye just in time to see Shepard flick his half smoked cigar down at her friend, and the world sets a light.

Crack, Emilia fires, again and again, through wrenching sobs till the clip runs dry again. Shepard jumps into the plane as soon as the 1shot is fired.

"After her you two" he orders, angered that she's actually alive, damned Riley was convincing when he said she's KIA.

The plane takes off as two shadow company soldiers run off into the trees, closer and closer.

Emilia's hands are shaking so violently that she just drops her weapons, and unsheathes the combat knife Soap was so instant in her carrying.. Soap, where is he, "FUCK" she yells as the first of the soldiers reach her, ducking quickly out of the line of fire and behind a tree, she flanks them, jumping on the man closest to her, driving the knife to the hilt in his throat and she can feel the cartilage break and sever. The next man is stupidly trying to reload, and panic flares in his eyes when he sees her leap on his squad mate, then the girls on him, his life blinking out hatefully, blood spraying her pale face and hands.

Emilia drops the knife, and a second later is barrelling down the hillside so fast her legs can hardly keep her up. Black smoke and it reeks of death. The burning hole that's growing closer smells of burnt flesh, her stomach churns and but she ignores it, sliding to her knees as she reaches for her friends, more desperate then ever as Emilia pulls on Roach's boot, trying to drag the dead weight from the flames.

But she can't do it, he's to heavy and she's to weak, her arms simply wont work, her left hand burns but she cant feel it when her attention snaps to Ghost, rolled on his side, if it wasn't for the gaping hole through his head you wouldn't even know he's dead.

"No! no no no no" Emilia cries, sliding down beside him, she pulls his mask free and illogically checks his neck for a pulse. All she finds there are his dog tags.

'No!" she cry's bloody hands press to her face for a moment before standing on shaky knees, takes off her coat and starts filling it with dirt before tossing it over Roach in an attempt to extinguish the fire.

Over and over again Emilia does this till she's nearly collapsing from the effort, but it works, she almost wished it hadn't though. The sight before her finally empties her stomach and she heaves.

Its quiet now, so quiet, the sun is setting and it would be beautiful, but Emalia isn't looking at the sky, or the trees. No, she's sitting, legs splayed beneath her were she fell. Death all around her but she cant leave them, not yet. Its to much, and it doesn't feel real as silent tears continuously fall down her cheeks, a leak that wont stop because its over now, all over, betrayed and left to rot, behind enemy lines.

Ghost, and Roach. They'll never leave here, this is to be their final resting place. When the thought hits her, her heart breaks all over again, that no one will know, not a soul will know or care about them. About all that these men had sacrificed for everyone else's freedom. No one will say thank you, or come to lay flowers on their graves on Sundays. They are hero's, true hero's, abandoned in a cruel and unforgiving place that has no God to care for them, and that, that seems more horrible and more cruel than anything else.

"Ghost come in"

"Ghost.. Come in"

Emilia's eyes snap open, but her brain doesn't compute what her ears are hearing.

"Roach come in"

"Roach.. Ghost"

"Rabbit… anyone come in!"

Soap… Soap's alive. And all at once sound and grief come crashing down on her and she shoots to her knees, trying to reach him through her com but its transmitter wont work and Emilia nearly rips the wires from her ear till she realizes that she's forgotten to push that fucking little button.

"Soap.." the voice that comes out is barely a whisper, cracking with emotion.

"Rabbit, what the fuck is going on, I cant reach anyone"

Emilia's lays down on her back, a fist pressing painfully into her eyes and can't control what comes up next.

"They're, they're all d-d-dead, fucking dead, Shepard.. FUCK!" and its nearly a wail, but the stunned silence after words is testament that he had understood her.

"were coming to get you Rabbit, hold tight ok lass" Soaps voice is deeper and strained, more than she's ever heard before. Ya he understands.

Time stills again when the com goes quiet and Emilia waits for Soap because thats really all she can do. Nothing expect lay there, not moving from her vigil beside her fallen friends. The surrounding world has become a constant hum in her ringing ears, like someone switched the settings wrong on the television set. Emilia is watching ants marching through the dirt next to Ghost. Her red rimmed hazel eyes trail bitterly after the little insects, so small and so unaware of the horrors that passed above them in the realm of the giants. She's jealous of the ants, of their absolute incapacity to be aware of anything more then primal need, and in a bitter twist of fate, Emilia squashes the offending and innocent creatures one by one with her blood stained thumb, receiving no consolation from this minuscule act of violence.

Emilia doesn't know, nor care how much time has passed now, in the same spot as before, unwilling to move.

At least not until her ears pick out an irritating whirring, whooping noise amid the silent static. Its getting louder and more irritating, till it clicks, and she turns her head a little to glance over her shoulder, her tired eyes coming into contact with Nicoli's plane as it lands, the Russian jumps off and runs toward her through the dirt and dust that kicks up around them.

When he reaches her his face does this little strange spasm, as he takes in the scene before him, swallowing a lump in his throat.

"Rabbit.." he says softly, but she doesn't move, just turns her gaze back in front of her.

"Rabbit… Emilia, when need to go"

Nothing still, and he worries suddenly if she's hurt, seeing the blood soaking her cloths.

Nicoli wraps a hand around her arm and try's to gently lift her up, but the sudden movement jars her from her minds false calm and Emilia wrenches free of him.

"No!.. I can't leave them, I-I cant" she cries out and tries to run back but Nicoli wont let go as he drags her back to the waiting plane, he doesn't speak, doesn't trust the words to come out right, so he just makes her go, Emilia struggling the whole way back, not till she's strapped into a seat that she calms somewhat. Her breath comes in heaving gasps as the plane takes off, leaving behind forever Roach and Ghost, who had so briefly made life a little more bearable.

The plane rumbled around Emilia as she leaned her head back in the seat. Not questioning where they were going, praying that Soap and Price where ok. Now that her mind has calmed a bit, the fact that neither man had been with Nicoli when he came was distressing, Shepard had sent them on their mission to and if one did the math it only made sense to think the worse; but would fate really do that to her, leave her the last one standing as the only people she's ever grown to care about die around her all in the same day.

Emilia can't keep their faces off the back of her eye lids. Their smiles and laughter ringing off her skull, as the guilt sneaks in, slyly taking up residence next to the grief. Guilt that Emilia should have, was capable of preventing this. If she's been more on the ball, or simply had her fucking weapon loaded, she could have saved them.

"Where here" Nicoli yells to her, and the plane descends into unknown territory.

He leads her out into the bright hot sun light, and towards a ram shackle building, Emilia's ears almost don't register the distant sound of gun fire.

A hospital. She doesn't need a hospital, she needs to find General Shepard, not be poked and prodded by good intentioned Doctors. But she doesn't say anything, just follows the fellow Russian down a poorly lit hallway, pushing past other Russians.. Resistance fighters it looks like.

Nicoli stops outside of a closed door and pokes his head in, saying something that doesn't reach her ears, Emilia isn't paying attention anyway, not until the door opens wider and she's ushered inside.

"Price… you- your alive" she breaths out, standing still, not sure where to put her hands.

"Hey lass" the old Captain says sadly and all at once she knows that he knows, that, and Emilia sees the state he's in, black eyes, spilt lip, the man is hunched over in his chair one arm gripping his stomach.

Price sees her looking at his broken body and lets out a strange sort of misplaced chuckle.

"You think this is bad, you should see Soap, poor bugger" at the mention of the Scott's name Emilia's eyes perk up, worry and fear pinching her face.

"Down the hall love, I think he might be out of surgery now, though I don't think he'll say much"

She's gone so fast that Nicoli jumps back in surprise, but runs after her, the girl needs her own wounds looked after.

After asking around to a few of the Russian men she walks by, Emilia is able to locate Soap's recovery room, one hand shakes as she grips the door handle, one deep breath later, opens it. 'Oh Soap' she thinks and her throat clenches back up again, fresh tears ready to spill and Emilia walks slowly, quietly to his bedside, her eyes taking in the wires tapped to his bare chest, the breathing tube under his nose. She takes in how pale his usually tanned skin is, but it's the mass of bandages wrapped around his torso, securing a large white pad to his left side that really have her awake.

"He killed him "Nicoli says from behind her and she turns to look at him, "killed that General, after being stabbed by him… Soap, he's one tough fucker"

Emilia nods and turns her attention back to the man asleep before her, and thanks whoever the fuck for bloody fucking miracles. After a moment she moves, walking over to a small chair sitting in the corner of the room, quietly picks up the object and brings it to Soaps bedside.

"Not yet little lady, first you need that hand looked at" Nicoli says pointing and it's the first time Emilia really notices it, the burnt flesh that claims the side of her right hand, and little ways up the side of her for arm, its not a big wound, but its ugly.

Nodding again in submission she follows him out of the room, and is led to what she supposes is the resident Doctors room, the man in there is older, wearing stained blue scrubs and a face mask. He turns when she enters and Emilia can see that he's smiling at her, but she cant find the energy to return the gesture.

"Присаживайтесь мисс'' (Have a seat miss) he says and waves a gloved hand to the table beside her, and Emilia sits obediently.

The Dr. stretches a hand out, palm up before her. He wants to look at her hand.

"О, хм. не проблема, да быстро исправить'' (Oh, hmm, no problem, a quick fix yes) he tells her with that hidden smile again and returns her hand to her lap as the man starts putting different items on the metal tray next to him, once he's done he wheals it over beside his young patient and begins to clean the wound, Emilia hisses and tries to still the tremors that shake her as the pain becomes almost unbearable to quickly.

The doctor is now rubbing cream and soothing ointments onto the burn, lastly, he wraps her hand in a generous layering of gaze and tells her to come back in a day or two to have it changed.

Emilia says thank you, and immediately heads back for the Scott's room, exhausted so thoroughly inside and out, her hand throbbing relentlessly.

The door closing behind her shuts out the busy sounds of the hospital around her, the quiet is soothing, all but the steady in and out breath of the only other occupant, and the steady beep, beep, that lulls Emilia to sleep, sitting in the chair her head resting on Soaps beside.


	10. Sad but True

All I have is one last chance,

I won't turn my back on you,

Take my hand and drag me down,

If you fall then I fall to,

If I can't save what's left of you

10

What do you say, when all you stand for is gone. When all the beauty in the world has been sucked out and all that's left is a bleak grey wasteland, unforgiving no matter how much you want that color back. It doesn't matter how hard you fight, or how much you sacrifice, this desolate place will keep taking and taking till there's nothing left to give.

But is that really true? Emilia's mind wanders, yes, mostly anyway. Except for Soap and Price, all that's left of this shattered Task Force, laying broken and beaten down in a undisclosed location somewhere in Iraq, they're still alive, barely, but its something to hold on to.

She's laying her head down on the Scott's beside now, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest. Studying the many wires and breathing tubes that are keeping this great man alive. A man who nearly killed himself to revenge his friends. Emilia shudders softly; every time her mind even eludes to Roach and Ghost its like another piece of her falls away. She's not crying now, but the tears are ever present, brimming around the swollen edges of her wide eyes, waiting for the damn to break.

This is all Emilia does now, over the past two days, when she's not wandering aimlessly through hallways crowded with Russian rebels seeking sanctuary from the storm, she sits in this room, watching Soap's wounded body mend its self. Price has tried to engage her in miniscule conversation, draw her out of the hole she's hiding in, but Emilia wont have it, the place that's outside of it is to much to take right now, thinking that much more of it at the moment will surely be her end.

She desperately wants Soap to wake up, to be able to look into those ice blue eyes and see life there, whatever state its that its in. She wants to know that he's really here with her and wont disappear where she cant reach him.

The Doctor is in here now, taking Soaps vitals, changing his band-aids, Emilia has been forbidden from standing watch, outcast to wander the halls again, to jittery with nervousness to sit still somewhere so she makes her way outside, to the small confining perimeter that the Russians who run this place have set up.

Price is leaning against one of the wooden barricades set up, puffing away on his seemingly endless supply of cigars, he turns and gives Emilia a weak smile when she stands beside him, pulling out her own cigarette, neither one says a word to the other, content in their own solitude, yet at he same time, a certain unspoken brotherhood exists between them, they know they will fight together, and die protecting the other; when this developed, Emilia couldn't say for sure, but has a pretty good guess it was the last few days that really cemented her place with them, as if through surviving Shepard, watching as Roach and Ghost where cut down has earned her a grim right of passage. Well, what ever it is, its stronger than any of them now realize.

A man steps out into the hot sunlight, his weary eyes searching, when they come across Prices bearded face the man walks over to him, clearing his throat as politely as he can. Emilia and Price turn together, wearing the same worried drawn expression.

"Come with me" he says, and its almost hard to understand with how thick his accent is.

She follows Price, ringing her hands together subconsciously, her heart wont stop its frantic beating as they near the room she's spent so much time in.

Once inside the Doctor walks over to the IV bag hanging next to Soaps still body and turns the valve on the tubing that's feeding the Scott whatever drip was sustaining him, when Emilia realizes that he's turned it off her heart leaps right to the back of her throat and she nearly throws the damned organ up.

"How long… will he be out" Price dares to ask, his voice strained, not from the same fear really as the girl peaking over his shoulder, but from his own pain, one hand always gripping his bruised ribcage, trying to sooth the broken bones underneath.

"Not out…uh, Captain is awake" the Doctor struggles, English was always a difficult langue to learn.

"He's awake?" Price replies edging closer to the bed, Emilia doesn't trust her voice, her feet having cemented her to the concrete beneath her, doesn't move.

"Fuck.. Off old man"

Her knees nearly give out when his voice hits her ears, its gravely, and ruff with thirst and lack of use, but its his, and that is more than she ever could have asked for.

The doctor smiles, removing the blue gloves from his hands and leaves, a strange silence filling in his absence.

"Its good to see you mate" Price says, emotion brimming where he never thought he'd here it, this really seems like an impossible miracle that they all didn't die out there. He looks behind him at Emilia whose staring almost like a child staring longingly at something that she wants but has been told not to touch; the old man smiles and bids his friend goodbye, well he pushes Emilia ahead with a wink, then leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

She's really nervous now, and doesn't know what to say, she's wanted this, does want it, more than anything, but her throat is closing and all that squeezes out is a soft almost inaudible 'hey'.

Soap's head twitches, and slowly opens his tired eyes, he sees Emilia right away and they just look at each other, reading what's so plainly on display on the others face. Its like a silent conversation passes, hurt clenches her face and her lips quiver, she's trying so hard to hold it in, to hold it all in, but when he looks at her, the piercing eyes telling her that its okay, he's hurting to, that he misses their friends, its to much, and a fissure cracks into the wall she's built up and a sob breaks free. Emilia's one good hand clamped tightly over her mouth as Soap beckons her closer with a nod of his head. It takes her a moment before she finds her feet again, walking carefully over to the chair that she's so often occupied.

"You ok there" he says with a wheeze, when she is seated safely beside him, its funny she thinks, he's the one whose almost died and he's asking her if she's ok.

Emilia's big doe eyes lock onto his face and she shakes her head 'no' that she's anything but ok, that she doesn't know how to get passed this one, there's no where to run to this time.

No empty cold wilderness can numb her insides any longer because what's happened now has finally trumped her ability to bear it alone; Emilia needs him, and Price more than she's ever needed another human being in all her years. it's a terrifying thing, accepting that your no longer strong enough to tough it out by your self, when the only person you've been able to rely on is you.

"I'm not either" he says back, and smiles crookedly down at her.

Emilia sighs sadly, her eyes shifting between Soaps and her hands, wanting to say something, anything. But the words are to jumbled. The silence now is bridging on awkward, and she comes to the understanding that its different between them, the dynamics have changed, as if in their shared grief a stronger underlying bond has formed like scar tissue.

"Smoke?!" Emilia squeaks with such sudden enthusiasm that its nearly embarrassing, but she doesn't care, the need for a distraction was to great, so she pulls out the squished pack of Paul Malls and hands Soap one, lighting his before her own.

"What do we do now?" she asks after a moment, watching the plume of smoke as it exhales from her lungs.

"First I need to get out of this damn bed, then we find and kill Makarov"

Makarov, how could she have forgotten! This was all because of him, her 'brother'. The man Emilia had grown up with and had, for a brief while, had trusted. God what a ruin the world is now, Russia and America, a third world war, so many people dieing for nothing more than one mans personal vendetta. Ghost and Roach dead because of him, maybe not by his hand, but at the of the line, it all came back to Makarov, and she knew, that it would never stop till he was dead.

The next few days pass a little more bearably than the last, each day Soap pushes himself harder, desperate to feel like himself again. Working hard, exorcising slowly, gaining back the strength he'd lost with the blood that had spilt. Emilia had asked last night, what exactly had happened to him and Price out there, and after a few moments to put together his own thoughts, Soap recounted one of the hardest days of his life.

After hearing Emilia over the comm, learning that his best friends were dead, Soap nor Price could leave, knowing that the General was close by they're position, but they couldn't locate him in time. Price ingeniously, (whether Emilia will see it that way or not is debatable) had moved to reach Makarov over the com link, and it had worked, after gaining the Intel on Sheppard's position they moved in.

The General had stabbed Soap almost immediately, Emilia listens with sullen eyes, and a heavy heart, listened on how Price had fought him, and lost thinking Soap was dead along with the rest of them. But no, as Soap watched the brawl through blurring eyes, Sheppard's knife, sticking out of him throbbed like some dark beacon, it was the one last thing that he could do, the only thing before that black abyss took him.

Grabbing the handle of the blade with two hands, he pulled, his muscles spasaming almost beyond control as the worst most intense pain raked his body but Soap wouldn't stop, pulling the knife out with every last ounce of strength, its serrated edge cutting against bone, vibrating terribly through his body. Almost there, an he thinks he's going to pass out, darkness is encroaching and all he can here is his own deafening heartbeat.

Just when his last vestiges of strength are about to die the blade pulls free in a spray of his own blood, and he aims the weapon at Shepard, who is to preoccupied with trying to kill Price with his fists. Maybe it was a sixth sense or some perverted intuition, but Shepard looks up from his brutal task just in time to see his own knife come hurtling towards his eyes… and its over. God its over. Price is dead, Soaps dieing… Ghost and Roach are dead (he leaves out this bit, not ready for the girl to here it) and he thinks of poor Emilia then, how he's failed her to, and Soap in that moment regrets not kissing her when he had the chance with such a profound ache in his heart that it chokes of his breath and finally the Scott fades into an all consuming darkness.

Emilia is staring at him, her bloodshot eyes are leaking around the corners, his tale is so harrowing, a tragedy if there ever was one, but he's here, with her now, and in them, in the fight that will surly come, maybe Ghost and Roach will not have died in vain.

"We will kill Makarov… I want to see him suffer" she finally says, her small body trembling as if from a cold only she can feel, "and when its over, when he's dead and the war is over, I want to tell the world what Ghost and Roach did for them, and you and Price, the trueth, everyone will know it" Emilia trails off, her eyes searching out something that Soap can't see as she mindlessly chews a nail on her unmarred hand, but he knows what she's saying. Emilia has had a really hard time accepting that they are all traitors now, wanted dead or alive by the Countries they sacrificed everything for… Disavowed, the word alone left a bitter taste in the mouth.

"In time Emilia" the words roll off Soaps tongue smoothly and she looks back up at him, he's never actually said her name really, always lass or 'girl', and she likes it, the way his heavy accent changes it slightly.

The next day Soap was in physical therapy again, exorcising endlessly, and had his Doctor nearly pulling his hair out by the end of their session, raving about how he was pushing to hard, moving to fast, that the fucking stubborn ass wont listen to a word of advise. Emilia had found this amusing as she passed the small ramshackle excuse for a gym, smiling to herself. Right now she's on her way to the cafeteria to see what kind of barely edible brew is going to pass for food when something catches her eye. She does a double take as her poor bruised heart starts its thunderous beating inside her rib cage, and a growl rips from her throat as she tears her side arm from its holster and walks with hard fast strides down the narrow hallway. The man in her sights shouldn't be here.

Price just catches the look on her face when he turns the corner, his eyes quickly registering the gun gripped so tightly in her hand that her knuckles are white. He drops the book he was carrying and runs after her, just in time to see her take careful aim at Yuri's head.

*I went back and fixed some typo's that escaped me in the lat chapterJ hope you enjoyed this one*


	11. Hopeless

What if we could,

Put our lives on

Hold and meet some

Where inside of the world,

I would meet you

Would you meet me?

Blue October

11

Hatred seared through Emilia's insides like ice. That small tear in the wall she was trying so hard to keep up had widened, releasing a flow of such raw pain, pain that had been buried for so long that it had turned to something intensely more foul, now suffocated with all her new wounds, the deaths of her friends flashing before her eyes blurred her vision as tears began to flow; her wide and haunted eyes staring a burning hole in the man at the end of the hallway.

"Yuri!" Emilia screamed, her voice shrill and cracking.

As one collective breath stilled the air, Yuri turned to her, his eyes widening in utter surprise to see the girl here of all places.

"Emilia?" Yuri looked pasted her shoulder at Price who was now emerging from the gathering crowd with wide eyes.

"What is she doing here! Do you know who this little bitch is"

Emilia flinched, looking over her shoulder quickly, confusion and betrayal distorting her features.

"You.. You know him?!" she snaps accusingly at Price. The commotion had drawn even more spectators, Soap among them had left the small gym and was now pushing hard against the growing numbers to reach her.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO HE IS!" Emilia screeched back, taking a few more steps forward, Yuri raised his own weapon, staring down at the small woman, daring her to take another step.

"You fucking monster! He's Makarov's right hand man! I should kill you right here you peace of shit" she spat out vehemently.

"Calm down Emilia, he's on are side" Price says gently in her ear, Yuri watching this with utter disbelief.

Soap was now beside her, eyeing the man suspiciously, before turning to the distressed girl, placing one hand on her forearm, slowly lowering her weapon.

"Its ok lass, we'll settle this"

Emilia snarled, no, she would not let this man ruin what was left of her life, shrugging

away from him and further down the hall.

"No! You fucking piece of shit, I should have killed you along time ago for what you did!"

Yuri laughed darkly, shaking his head at her, "me? What about you? Little Princess always hiding behind big brothers shadow, why are you here? You never belonged there and you don't belong here either"

Emilia tensed, her hands shaking as she pulled the trigger back on the gun in her hands.

"Enough!" Price bellowed, Soap reaching her side again, and forcibly pushing her arm down before taking the gun from her, "Yuri go fuck off somewhere".

The tattooed man shakes his head as he shoulders his weapon, Nicoli is trying to push him away and out of sight while the others calm the raging girl, but Yuri can't help but get the last word in, straining situation, "how's your head"

Emilia flinched, then charged, intent only in ripping the mans throat out, but Soap and Price had her tangled in their arms, pulling her backwards.

"Calm down lass, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, bloody bastard slipped my mind" Price said once he was sure she wasn't going to run again, the scowl on Emilia's face was bent right at the old man, clearly pinning him responsible.

"He's dangerous, don't you get that! He's killed a lot of people for-"

"Not now" Price interrupted, giving Soap a quick glance, he'd need help on this one, though Soap wants to know as well what this Russian is doing here, but keeps silent.

"Take a walk, settle down. Yuri is here to help us kill Makarov, defected like you did… whatever bad blood is between you, I'm telling you now, get over it"

Price walked away after saying this, leaving Emilia to seethe in her own anger, as one finger ran subconsciously over the strange scaring on her temple.

"Take a walk…argh…I don't trust him, he's as bad as my bro- as Makarov, I don't think its good to have him here, no matter what he says" Emilia's breathing heavily again, like an enraged bull ready to charge at the first provocation.

" Come on lass" Soap says as he places a warm hand on her back, gently pushing her away and towards the doors, he's limping a little still, but he's not in nearly as much pain as he was, besides with his mind on other matters at the moment, he could hardly feel the usual deep ache.

The sun outside baked at Emilia's bare shoulders, as she begins to pace the small walkway behind the barricades, there's a few other men, milling around out here, and they eye the girl warily as they smoke or sip whatever foul drink is sloshing around in the tin cups that litter this place before making they're way inside.

"Price isn't really allowing this.. Is he?" she asks Soap, frustrated and exhausted, wanting so badly to either destroy something or simply disappear.

"Not up to us, if Price thinks he's good, we go with it" this earned a scowl from Emilia, who was now more swearing under her breath than anything. She didn't want to fight with Soap, not about anything, but Emilia couldn't shake the anger that continued to boil beneath her skin, causing her to pick subconsciously at the gauze wrapped around her burnt hand.

Soap didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say to calm her down. He understood the pain she was in, to a degree, there was still so much about her life before they ran into her that he didn't know, but he didn't care, Emilia's past couldn't change anything now.

She's fingering that god damn scar again, and for once in his life, curiosity gets the best of him.

"How did you get that scar" he asks as non-silently as possibly, leaning against the wall and crossing his thick arms, in a way that is so very like him.

Emilia almost doesn't seem to here him, taking a moment for the question to filter through into her brain. When it does, the sadness stats to creep back in, ebbing out the anger, that for a brief while, was much more tolerable. Sharper and stronger, sadness has such a profound ability to weaken and blur, to dull what your eyes see, changing something beautiful into a bleak, colorless nightmare.

"I turned Yuri down"

Something inside Soap twisted angrily… or is it jealousy? At the thought of someone else, let alone that Russian having they're hands on her, it's a strange thing that makes the Scott uncomfortable, he shifts his footing, and stays quiet, waiting for Emilia to continue.

"He'd come on to me a few times, even Makarov had 'approved', not only was I NOT interested, Yuri had always backed whatever horrible game 'The Boss' had come up with, I hated it, not to mention all the people he put down with his own gun, maybe he wasn't as bad as Makarov, but he is a monster in his own right"

Emilia was looking off at the endless desert before them, her eyes heavy and drawn. She's tired, but it goes deeper, so much deeper. Her heart, her fucking soul feels on the brink of collapse from all the weight it carries. Its evident in her face, which is strange and contrasting in its youthfulness, in the soft pale skin and large round eyes, but if you look at her just right, you can see something else, maybe its her aura that's so dark. Or maybe it's just under the skin, like some black oil, poisoning this beauty from the inside out. Soap can see it, a lifetimes worth of disappointment and abandonment and it made his heart hurt.

"So one day" she goes on"…one day, he pushes just a little to much, probably because his friends where there, anyway, I got mad… really mad, and I spit in his face, told him to stay away from me no means no and all that" another pause and she's lighting a smoke,

"then as I turn to leave, he grabs my hair, and pulls me down, kicks me.. My ribs, he's yelling at me that I'm a stupid bitch, good for nothing cunt.. When I try to roll away he kicks the side of my head so hard I black out"

Now Soaps seething, this was wrong, all wrong, how could someone do that to her, the bloody girl barely comes to 5'5.. Her, beautiful Emilia. Soap wanted nothing more than to touch her, hug her, something just to sooth her pain.

"When I woke up the next day I had this gauze tapped to my head, I can tell you it's the last time I spoke to Yuri, till today anyway" Emilia sighed, huffing the air out of her lungs in something akin to defeat.

""However long this bastards here for, I can promise he wont come near you" Soap says roughly, coming up to stand next to her at the barricade, leaning his arms on the heated concrete.

He'd never reached out to anyone before, not like this, never in his life had he felt compelled to console another because of how they were feeling, until now. Till that defeated look Emilia where's so often began to eat away at him. Soap is in foreign territory now and he doesn't know which road is the right one to walk down, if he should walk away now or stay, because staying is like wading blind into deep turbulent waters, chasing something that will surely drown him.

Before he realized what he was doing Soaps hand was gently gripping the skin of her arm, standing tall now he looked down at her. Emilia looking back into his eyes, her breath hitching behind her tongue as her heart began to pound.

He's desperately trying to read her, through her eyes, her face; waiting for the small girl before him to turn and leave but she doesn't, Emilia is rooted where she stands, nearly paralyzed by the sudden need that's boiling in her gut like hot twisting butterflies.

Soap snaps out of his near daze and in one crushing and insane decision crushes his lips to hers.

Emilia's eyes grow wide with surprise before fluttering shut and kissed him back, straining to reach higher as she stands on the tips of her toes, gripping the thin material of the dusty white shirt he's wearing for support, and her mind swoons.

The heat that engulfs her is consuming them both as there kiss grows more fevered, more wanton with need and desire as Soap pushes her up against the cement barricade forcefully.

Emilia gasps softly, never in her entire existence has anything felt so amazing, never has anything made her feel so stunningly alive as if when its gone, just the absence of it will kill her.

His hands are pressing into her back, pushing her closer, and the feeling of the soft skin peeking beneath the tank top she's wearing is nearly to much for Soap, as whatever has built up in them comes crashing out, the damn breaking as fear and pain become, even for one brief moment, forgotten.

Slowly they break apart, Soaps forehead resting against Emilia's as he grips her the back of her neck with one hand, and they stay this way, pressed against the other, for a second, just breathing the other in till the sounds around them begin to filter back through the haze, and the forgotten world makes it's appearance known just as Soap steps back from her to light a smoke.

"Hey, Captain Price is looking for you my friend, and bring the young lady, you can talk well we eat yes" Nicoli says none the wiser, apparently not catching on the beat red blush that's just engulfing Emilia's face right now, that or the way Soap is nervously rocking on the balls of his feet, hands in his pockets and the most stoic poker face you've ever seen cemented on his face.

*Sorry that this ones a tad shorter, and don't hate me for making Yuri the bad guy here! He's not as bad as it seems I promise! Hope you enjoyed and stay tuned folks for more drama!*


	12. Next to me

Maybe there's a God above,

But all I've ever learned from love

Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you

Its not a cry you can here at night

Its not somebody whose seen the light

It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Leonard Cohen

12

A blender, one of those common place household appliances whose only purpose in life is to mix, chop, and puree a wide array of different things into something completely unrecognizable. Emilia's mind is much like this blender in the metaphorical sense; so many things swirling around the inside of her skull that it's head ache inducing. Maybe if her thoughts, however many of them where on an even keel it'd be different, but that's not the reality for her as her brain looks more like a bi-polar crack addict than anything else. Most of the time its dark, the familiar ache that's growing to comfortable for its own skin throbs like a misshapen organ, till a brighter light shines through, briefly Soap's face, his large strong arms or the sent of sweat and gunpowder will flash on the back of her eyelids, dulling the darkness back, but it never stays, her minding jumping to something before Emilia can grasp the image, something she wishes she could just forget; but the screams of the dead ring like the tolling bell louder than anything, wailing, a constant reminder of her guilt, her part to play in what she so desperately tries to forget.

All night Emilia has been staring at the water stained ceiling, the dark moulding spots make her think that that must be what her insides look like, tainted and never clean. A moment later she closes her eyes, a finger runs across her dry peeling lips, trying to bring back the feel of the Scott's kiss, his warm hands and the closest to heaven Emilia is likely to ever be; but its harder maybe than it should be, to go back to that moment, it's frustrating like trying to catch smoke with your bare hand, a nervous fear accompanying this chase like a bad shadow.. What if? What if he doesn't speak to her again. What if Soap, after the intensity had worn off came to regret his actions and wants nothing more to do with her.

Emilia's stomach twists nauseously with this new kind of fear… the fear of loosing Soap entirely yet still see him everywhere, all the time, so close and so far away.

A sudden knock at her door jars the girl so violently out of her meanderings that she literally flings herself off the bed, her hearts pounding thunderously beneath her breast.

Emilia quickly ties her long hair into a messy bun before walking the short distance to the dull white door and opens it.

"Aye lass"

And her heart abandons its assault on her rib cage to lodge its self in her throat as her embarrassingly wide hazel eyes look upon the Scot that was just on Emilia's mind, standing in her door way like God delivered the man himself.

"Hey, um.. What's up" she says, trying a little to hard to even out the tremor in her voice. He smiles down at her, before glancing away quickly and coughs, clearing his throat.

"Can I come in, thought maybe you'd like a drink, but I cant have this out in the open, I swear the guys around here sniff the shit out better than those damned dogs" Soap says and for a moment the words sound strange like he's not sure of himself, but Emilia looses it when her eyes leave his face looking down at a 2.6 of vodka gripped tightly in his hand; he's here now right, why would he be here if he didn't want to be, so… Fuck it!

"Yes!" she replies a little to enthusiastically "of coarse, come in" she moves back into the room and sits slowly down on her bed close to the head board so the large man will have room…. Its that or the floor, the Russians here aren't exactly generous when it comes to furnishing a room.

"How are you holding up" Soap asks as his sits down, the mattress groaning under his weight and he unscrews the bottle and takes a long gulp before passing it to the girl beside him.

Emilia shrugs and takes her drink, cringing a little as the foul tasting liquid burns her throat, and warms her stomach.

"Alright, can't sleep obviously"

Soap watches her, watches the way she averts her eyes when answering him, or the way she's playing with the bottle in her lap before taking another big gulp, she's nervous and he only hopes its because of him.

"What's keeping you up "she asks, uncomfortable with the spotlight on her and directs it back to him, a grin forms on her lips when she swears she just saw the man blush.

Soap chuckles deeply and takes the bottle back, drinking as he shakes his head, but doesn't answer her.

The two of them feeling like a couple of teenagers as the room fills with award tension, Emilia cant meet the Scott's eyes, twirling a loose strand of dark hair around one finger well her eyes stair at something seemingly more interesting across the room.

"So it looks like we'll be heading out soon, I'm pretty much all better" Soap says to her, but its sounds half assed like he's fishing for something to say, but she bites, interested now it what more he knows about this and Emilia finally turns her gaze back to him. Soap is looking at the floor, a strange expression on his rough features like he's confused and unsure, Emilia swallowing the rising panic and doubt as she speaks.

"Where- where are we going?"

He catches her eyes now, ice blue trapping the warmth of her hazel like a bear trap snaring the doe.

"Istanbul, one of Prices informants has named it as a hot spot for Makarov, the mans actually supposed to be there, so we leave tomorrow night"

Emilia nods, accepting this, if it's the place she's thinking of, it was on the list she'd given them, something that seems like had happened so long ago. And then in that instant as he passes the bottle back to her, her throat tightens painfully, her eyes swelling with emotion, even as Emilia fights to keep it all at bay, chugging the drink back as hard and fast as she can. Ghost and Roach, their dead and burnt faces flashing through her mind like a grim morbid slide reel, feeling so fucking helpless.

"What's wrong?"

Soap questions, the change in her was immediate and obvious, her once lax posture went rigid, and he watched as the girl drew inward, crawling inside herself, hiding from some dark monster that he couldn't see.

He takes the bottle from her when he's scared she'll drown, and Emilia wipes at her mouth before shaking her head, eyes boring a hole into her hands.

"How… how do you do it" she asks finally, her voice is quiet as she turns her eyes up to him and they're glistening.

At first Soap isn't sure what she means, till it dawns on him, and he understands.

"I just do lass, you deal with it. I've watched a lot of friends die over the years… it-it doesn't go away, you just become ok with carrying it around" he says slowly, carefully, like he's walking on single pane glass in full tactical gear.

Emilia smiles strangely at him after a moment but he recognizes it as one he himself has worn many times, the expression looking like it doesn't fit right.

Soap shifts on the bed, so his back is leaning against the wall, knees drawn up and tosses her a pack of smokes. He's much closer now than he was before, her small toes almost touching his thigh as she takes the cigarettes from him and lights one, which proves to be much more difficult than shed like as her vision swoons slightly, the flame of her lighter moves in away that should be impossible and with a loud bark of laughter Emilia realizes she's nearly drunk.

He laughs a little at her "I didn't know you were such a light weight. I just assumed because your Russian that you drink like one" she throws him a glare at that but he's right, she hardly ever drinks, and as it stands now, its been a long time.

"You caught me" she says stretching her legs out and exhales, smoke pluming out before them.

Emilia jumps a little when Soaps hand suddenly appears on her shoulder, he pulls her closer, flush against his side and he smiles at how the girl fits so well there. Her heart beats a little faster and her cheeks flush, some from the alcohol, but mostly from the large man beside her.

Soap reaches over to place to the bottle on the floor than leans back his arm still around her small shoulders, he's looking at her now, and he grins inwardly at the awkward smile on her lips, at the way she cant meet his eyes, but its different this time, there's a warmth in her eyes that wasn't there a moment ago, and maybe this girl isn't as broken as she believes.

There's no words left to say, nothing to fill the silence anymore. He cant draw it out, despite being scared of her pulling away this time, he jumps, taking the plunge, closes the small gap, and kisses her.

Slower this time, not so rushed and violent, his lips moving with hers, deeper. His other hand grips her neck and he can feel the shiver that sparks like electricity down her spin, pooling like liquid fire deep inside her.

Emilia's vodka dulled brain can no longer form logical thoughts as the world disappears around them, hardly noticing that she's laying down on the ruff cotton blanket of her bed. But is acutely aware of the man nearly crushing her as he grinds into her from above, one rough hand slides under the cloth of her tank top.

Some 4 hours later Emilia's tired bloodshot eyes open and she groans as her headache makes itself known. She try's to stretch out but there's something strange and hard beneath her head that's making her neck hurt something awful, so she turns to look and gasps when her eyes come across a large arm. The night comes flooding back quickly and for a moment it feels like a dream till she becomes embarrassingly aware of how naked she is.

'I slept with Soap…' she thinks, the words, even though unsaid sound strange between her her ears, that's when she turns and looks at him, still asleep laying on his back, her blanket is strewn messily over the both of them and a bright blush explodes in her cheeks when she notices that he's as naked as she is. But the good feeling doesn't last. If he didn't want to stay away from her before he sure as fuck will now. 'God damn it' Emilia wants to scream as she tries to very carefully slip out of bed with out waking the Scott. 'He's going to think I'm some loose emotional chick who bangs the first guy to ask if I'm ok!'

She makes it to the freezing floor and as fast as she can puts her cloths back on, desperate to get out of there, to not see the mortified look on Soaps face when he wakes up and realizes what happened and she's nearly in tears when she trips pulling her last boot on, her elbow smashing into the corner of the lone bookcase, cracking it loudly right on that excruciating sweet spot, and her teeth grind, a hiss the only sound that escapes her.

The Scott shifts on the bed, a deep breath escaping his lungs, and after one brief but intense moment he cracks one blue and looks at her, Emilia looking like a deer caught in the head lights.

"Where are you going?" He asks, his voice rough and gravely with sleep, and damn does he sound good.

"Uh… um, coffee?" she says stupidly, pissed off at her self for not being smarter and at least thinking of an excuse if she needed one, which she does now apparently.

"Aye, sounds fucking good to me" Soaps says and sits up, the muscles in his back rippling and twisting wondrously, but Emilia's eyes are drawn away, when she sees the freshly healed scar marring the flesh if his stomach.

She turns away blushing when he stands, the blanket falling back to the bed and she can here him chuckle as he pulls up his boxers and pants.

His hands are suddenly and quit surprisingly encircling her waist, his solid body pressing against her back, and she jumps before relenting, and leaning back into him, the rough hair on his chin scraps the soft pale skin of her neck but the way this feels is amazing.

"Relax lass" Soaps says gently into her ear, leaving so many things unsaid, but he's scared that she'll run so he just settles for this.

"What.. Um, do -" Emilia's struggling attempt at communication is cut short by a loud knock on her door and they both jump apart, the Scott quickly throwing his shirt over his head and stuffing his feet into his boots before nodding at her to open up.

"I was wandering where the bloody hell you where mate" Price says with his arms crossed, his whiskered face is stern and expressionless, but Soap can see the amusement in his mentors aging eyes, the Scott himself just shrugs, deciding not to bother with transparent reasons for his presence here, as Emilia putters around in the back ground, doing random useless things to quell the awkwardness that's radiating off of her.

"Get yourselves down to the mess, will talk there"

"Aye Sir" Soap nods and closes the door slightly but not all the way once Price is gone, and turns back to Emilia, surprised by her beat red cheeks, and the hand clamped tightly over her mouth in a weak attempt at stifling her giggling.

He smiles at her, taking note of how much different she seems when she's laughing, how her face changes a little, like that dark cancerous veil that hangs over her has, even for a brief time, loosened its grasp on her heart, in turn, tightens his own , and the sudden plunge his stomach takes when his mind realizes that Emilia has become, so quickly, something so important to him and its frightening, its putting yourself out there, to be vulnerable to attack, but he cant pull away, no matter how much logic and reason scream at him, soldier or not, he can't fucking do it, or he won't but it makes no difference.

Price is addressing the ragtag broken group before him, seated closely, ears straining to here him over the loud boisterous Russians behind them; they are formulating a plan, perfecting the infiltration of the mansion in Istanbul, it's a monstrous place, more like a small castle than anything else. Four stories high, 15 rooms, corridors and hallways and crawling with Makarov's men. Prices informant is positive that the big mad dog himself will be there, and this, this thought of actually seeing him again, looking into his face; it scares, twisting her stomach sickly. But you wouldn't know that, not at the moment, with the way Emilia is sitting next to Soap and Price, her chest puff out, chin up and face as hard and pissed off as she can make. Not wanting to appear weak in front of Yuri, whose casting her dark glances from his spot down the table.

She doesn't care what Price says, if you take away all this, what they're doing right now, throw the mutual hatred for Makarov out the window, all your left with is a cruel and self serving man, so in the end, if Yuri is picking fights, if he's calling out for blood Emilia wont hesitate, with to much at stake she'll kill him, she'll shoot him dead.

*Wow that took awhile, accidentally deleted half of this chapter last night… was nearly devastating L but I have finished it and started on the next one which will be super actiony! Yay get ready my lovelies*


	13. Hold on

I think maybe I was angry,

Because I couldn't fade away,

I would dream of it and of all the stars above,

I would wish so hard, just a moment of peace,

I would see a strange place, a different face,

But in the end it didn't matter, I didn't care,

All I wanted was for the ache to stop

13

Istanbul, Turkey is a beautiful place, lying just on the coast of the Sea of Marmara with its rich colourful culture and warm air, But there's a darker side to this place, like anywhere really, a seedy underbelly where men like Makarov thrive.

Soap is heading the small team, closing in quickly and quietly, the mansion lays at the bottom of the hill, right on the edge of the water. Its a creepy place at anytime of day, but now, at night with deep shadows nearly engulfing parts of the old structure, it almost seems to come alive with malevolence. Foot patrols can be seen walking their beats around the building, riffles at the ready, unaware of the encroaching threat.

Emilia is concentrating on her breathing, slow and steady, slow and steady, she repeats to herself as they cling to the blackened shadows of lightless ally ways, Price and Yuri following tightly behind. There's a heavy tension hanging in the air around them, like they are all holding one collective breath, no one speaks as if saying they're fears aloud will make them come true.

Closer now, Soap stops so suddenly that Emilia nearly runs into him, stopping just in time as he puts a fist up and lowers himself into a crouch, watching. Her stomach is twisting uneasily, this mission seems reckless now that they're really here. All the guards outside wont amount to what's waiting for them inside. If they get that far. Makarov doesn't travel light, its almost a joke that the they even think this'll work, four goddamn people! Soap signals them to move out, and the soldiers follow, grim eyes and foreboding shadows in their hearts.

Its just like Emilia remembers, old and crumbling, the derelict structure is in desperate need of repair, haunted by all the horror that has stained its halls. Her pulse began to quicken, beating in time with the sound of their boots hitting the sidewalk. Panic ebbing its way in with each step closer and closer. Hugging the warm brick of the building two blocks away, the last refuge of solid cover. If they didn't time their next move just right, the sprint across the dark looming parking lot would put them right in the line of sight of the patrols, and all this would fall apart.

Soap gives the signal and they're off like horses bursting from the starting gate, spurred by a silent gunshot, fear thundering in Emilia's ears as their destination rushes towards them. 'Fuck' she whispers under ragged breath, not a second for rest as she follows the Scott as he heads around back into nearly complete darkness. Faster now, nearly at the back entrance. A small door whose long forgotten purpose was for maids and servants to use, now it lays old and rusted, its nearly disintegrated lock waiting to shatter under the pressure of Soaps knife as he carefully pushes and twists.

Immediately Price and Yuri dispatched three of the soldiers guarding this entrance, Emilia taking down the last man, and he drops, the life snapping out of him, blood spattering the walls around them like some cheap horror movie.

"Up stairs, clear each floor 5 minutes each, make it clean and quick mates" Soap says nodding to them before turning to Emilia, the hard expression on his face softens when he sees the look of fear marring her soft face.

"Are you ready for this" he asks her and the girl takes a moment, wiping sweat off her brow as she tries in vain to quell her panicked breathing.

"Oh yeah.. For sure ya know" she says and Emilia laughs a little at how fucked up she actually sounds, Soap squeezes her shoulder an smiles crookedly down at her, "made it this far lass".

A nod and fake smile later they're moving again, up the stairs to the second floor, one careful stair at a time, creeping closer to the door at the top. Voices can be heard on the other side, muffled but there's a discernable few of them.

Price counts to three on his fingers then opens the door, no flash bangs or smoke grenades are used as they drop the unsuspecting Russians playing a game of cards, or milling around. Then room by room, clearing them fast like morbid clockwork. All the while Emilia gives these men props, grudgingly even Yuri, they are truly the best at what they do.

There's less resistance on the third floor and they clear it quickly, the muffled shots from their silenced weapons are nothing but soft pops in the other wise silent air around them; whatever is happening up stairs they don't know, but its now or never. Emilia's stomach twisting again as she wipes her damp palms on her pants. Now or never. Suck it up she tells herself, but her hands shake. The tremor growing worse with each step she takes, each foot she grows closer to facing the man she's been running from.

Almost like a repeat of her first mission with them, they quietly go room to room, till the large library is left, all the guards dead except for those who guard Makarov in the room ahead of them, but they have to act fast, as soon as someone doesn't check in, this hole mess will be blown wide open. Price is setting the charge that will blow the door, distracting those on the other side long enough to kill most of them. Almost set, and they take position, Emilia shoulders her riffle, her wide hazel eyes staring down her sights, her fists on the grip like iron as she grinds he teeth. She's scared, so fucking scared. But its not the kind of fear you'd think of, not really. Not like your scared of the monster under you bed or the boogeyman in your closet, this is different, deeper. Emilia is scared of facing everything that she has tried so hard to burry, a nightmare full of death and rotting guilt pulses from beyond that one god damn door, and everything is about to be blow.

One…Two…Three

The explosion is always deafening, ringing their brains against their skulls as they move in, taking out the four soldiers in the room but that's it, no one else, and Emilia cant believe it, not after all this, not after everything they've been through. Loosing Ghost and Roach, and it all amounts to this! Four fucking nobodies! She wont except it, she cant.

"Vladimir!" Emilia screams, dropping her riffle to the ground as she walks around the desk in the middle of the decretive room, its dark and nearly medieval appearance making this moment seem all the more strange and sinister.

"Fucking bastard slipped by us again" Price barks as he searches through the scattered papers on the desk, Yuri checking the room around them, as he steps over fallen books, shaken to the floor during bombs detonation.

"Fuck!" she cries out slamming her fist against one of the book cases, this is wrong, so wrong. They should have known, shouldn't have waited all this time for nothing.

"Its ok Rabbit, we'll get him next time" Soap tells her when he walks up beside her, and hands her his smokes after lighting one himself. He's as mad about this as the girl is, but freaking out along with everyone else will get them nowhere but dead and fast, what's done is done, and they move on to the next target, but he doesn't tell her that either, knowing the advise will only enrage Emilia further.

"Well, well, well. Isn't this a surprise"

Emilia's eyes snap up and her breath stills in time with the others. That voice, they all here speak in their ears is chilling and unforgettable.

"I have to say I wasn't surprised to here of Captain Price, yet again so close on my trail…. But then I hear that my dear sister, poor little Emilia has joined forces with him, cant say I was surprised, but I was hurt… can you here me little girl" Makarov says, singling Emilia out over the comm, his serpent like voice coils within her chest as her blood boils.

"I hear you, you chicken piece of shit, cant face me yourself?" the man laughs at her, as even Yuri stops what he's doing to listen. Price and Soap stand on either side of her, offering what little silent support they can.

"I would have loved to be there to witness your death and the death of your friends, but business calls, you know how that works don't you" he pauses for one long and heart pounding moment, "I do miss having you around Emilia, these pathetic worms were so scared of you, ah but you had to go and steal from me didn't you. I hope you enjoyed her small victory Captains, as its her last"

They all share a worried look, concern over the mad mans implications and Price signals for them to leave and now.

"Oh before you go… Emilia, say hello to your bitch mother when you get to hell".

"No! you fuck! This is all your fault, THEYRE ALL DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!.. I fucking hate you!" she screams back, tears choking her words off into sobs, the pressure building up in her chest is crushing her, its to much. Its all way to fucked up and Emilia cant breath, she's moments away from tearing her own hair out when Soaps eyes widen suddenly when a loud beeping begins to ring around them and without a word he wrenches on her arm, dragging her out of the library, Price and Yuri hot on their tales just as the room behind them incinerates wildly, an explosion with such force that it pushes Yuri over and sends Emilia smashing into the opposite wall, Makarov's laughter ringing in her ears.

"You ok" Soap yells pulling her to her feet, Emilia opens her mouth to answer but the words die on her tongue when the building around them tremors and shakes. The bomb Makarov set off is the last card to blow over for this historic landmark, its broken structure just cant support its own weight anymore and the tremors grow stronger. Plaster and moulding falling in dusty pieces around them.

Soaps dragging Emilia behind them, as Price and Yuri try to navigate a way out before they are buried.

"Keep up!" he yells back at her and she stumbles, the thick dust in the air is suffocating and it burns her eyes, but she runs, gripping Soaps hand as tightly as she can, Down the stairs and Yuri swears he just felt the whole thing tilt, and the quaking structure groans loudly almost like some large ancient beast.

"Fuck!" Emilia cries out when something cracks into the back of her head, her vision explodes into a painfully white light and she falls forward.

"Almost out" Soap grunts, hauling the girl to her feet and literally pushing her down the last flight of stares, Plaster and stone falling down around them making the last 18 feet nearly impassable, but they an see the door, the exit to safety, almost there, so fucking close.

"Its coming down, hurry!" Yuri yells, he's made it, standing just outside, urging the others on as he looks up and his eyes widen as the top floor disappears.

Soap drags Emilia out into the cool pre-dawn air, Price grips her other arm and they pull the barley concussions girl as fast as they can but its not far enough. The mansion falls in a loud rumbling boom, a shockwave of dirt and suffocating dust explodes outward, engulfing the disavowed soldiers.

The dust is settling in the glow of the moonlight, in the way it rolls out over the open sea behind them is nearly magically, would be hauntingly beautiful if they weren't so exhausted and angry.

A sudden violent fit of coughing has Soap and Price bent down at Emilia's side. Soap takes her scarf and ties it around her mouth, a crude but effective filter.

"How many fingers am I holding up there" Price asks gently, holding up three fingers in front of her dazed eyes and they can see the trouble she's having focusing.

"Six?" she asks, but her words are slurred, Price glancing worriedly over at Soap who moves in behind her where he immediately sees blood hardening on the back of her head, matting her hair together.

"Lets get her back mate, it doesn't look good' Soap says, answering the unsaid question in Prices eyes. He sounds strong, in control, but its evident in the tense almost fearful way that Soap picks Emilia up, in the way his eyes widen when her head lolls backwards. He's scared, more scared than Price has ever seen him.

His heart is battering the inside of his rib cage as he runs, the girl slung over his shoulder. Soap's anger is fighting for domination with that fear as his mind screams that its not fare. He doesn't care that its childish to say. After everything they've been through, all of this horsing around just to land smack right where Makarov fucking wants them, so no. Its not fare.

Soap grunts under the dead weight on his broad shoulders but never wavers and will never give up. Soap will not share this burden or give her to someone else. This is his responsibility; he failed in protecting Emilia back at the mansion, and he wont do it again, fucking girls been through enough, she doesn't need this. Yet that's one more thing added to the ever growing tower of shit you just don't complain about.

"He new we were fucking coming!" Soap roars at Price. The two of them trying to figure out where to go next, but the Scott cant hold his tongue anymore, no matter how many times he tells himself to stay quiet.

"Its your informant or its Yuri.. Someone is leaking information and we all nearly died because of it. Emilia is hurt bad because of it!"

"Calm down mate" Price says gently, don't get him wrong, he feels as strongly as his friend does about all this mess, but he knows despite Soaps ironclad will, if he doesn't calm him down soon, even the mightiest of heroes have their breaking point, only the Scott will end up in him killing someone he shouldn't.

Soap just growls back at the old man, his breathing heavy with emotion, giving of the impression of an enraged predator, ready to maul and tear apart whatever stands in his way.

"Let me take care of this, Ill find the bugger responsible" Price says walking closer to Soap, looking him right in the eyes, "and we'll deal with it ourselves, our way. But first, go check on our girl, make sure these Russian bastards are treating her right"

Immediately Soaps scowl softened, and with a somewhat defeated sigh, knowing that his friend is right, heads off to find Emilia.

"How is she?" Soap asks the same old wiry Russian doctor that had stitched him back together, watching as the old man checks Emilia's vitals.

The girl laying asleep or unconscious on the bed, under the stained linen, stains that no matter how hard you scrub or bleach, will never come out.

The doctor takes a moment before answering the Scott, he sighs deeply and shakes his head.

"Its all much more Evil when a such a young girl is laying on one of my beds… she shouldn't be part of this madness" a frown creases his weathered brow as he contemplates what he's said, and shakes his head again, like no matter how he tries to spin it, it will never make sense.

"But the girl is fine, quiet the knock on the head, rattled her around pretty good, concussion. I'm going to wake her up now, make sure that she doesn't sleep more than half n' hour at a time for tonight… just in case"

Soap nods in understanding and the Doctor pulls out a small somewhat white capsule from his coat pocket and the Scott immediately recognizes it. Smelling salts, the old man leans over Emilia, and cracks the salt right under her nose, the reaction was almost instantaneous as her eyes snap open so wide they might possibly pop out her skull as she shoots up ripping the IV violently out of her arm.

"Agggh.. Fuck!" Emilia says and swoons, her vision darkening for moment as her blood pressure tries to even itself out, but it's the skull splitting pain hammering at her brain that has her grinding her hands into her eyes, like little grenades going off one after another.

"Make sure she drinks lots of water, and give her these" the doctor drops three small white tablets in Soaps hand, nods and leaves once its established that there's not much more he can do.

Soap eyes her nervously, scared of approaching her, no. Not really scared, he's nervous, like he doesn't know how to interact with her anymore, now that the fight in them has calmed he can fell the way its changed between them, and he doesn't know what he's doing which is such a rare and humbling moment for him.

The Scott takes a deep long breath anyway and approaches the girl crumpled in pain before him, his heart clenching in guilt, knowing that he could of prevented this.

"Emilia"

God, every sound seemed to amplify the agony her head was in, if only she could just turn the world off for a minute..

"Emilia.. Take these"

Soap…

Emilia cracks her eyes open just a little, steeling herself against the harsh painful light that's burning her eyeballs. His hand is the first thing she sees but its swimming in and out off focus, not really bad, but enough to be disorienting. She sits up a little further, one hand pressed against her forehead, the scars that mar her hand on display but she doesn't care, not anymore.

"You're a right fucking sight there" Soap says with a smile in his warm voice, Emilia just scowls bitterly at this, apparently all humour has been sucked out of her to, but Soap just smiles back, walking over to her bedside and takes her small pale hand in his and drops the pills in her palm.

"For your head lass, drink up" he says and a cool glass of water appears near her lips when she pops the pain killers and drinks slowly without question. To damn weak to care, to tired to feel anything but relief.

However short lived it may be.

*And there it is folks.. I struggled with this one, still not sure about it, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway, more coming soon!*


	14. Safe & sound

Time takes it all whether you want it to or not, time takes it all. Time bares it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again."

― Stephen King

14

Maybe what everything comes down to is just continuously adjusting to the shit life throws at us. The harder and harder days we are bombarded by. There's no break, no chance for rest because even when the dust is settling the field before us is riddled with landmines.

How do you relax and just kick back when any random footstep you take can blow your world apart at its core…. Is that bravery?… Carrying on even though you're wounded and broken and down right fucking terrified and all you want to do is curl up beneath the covers and disappear. But you don't, because there's a invisible and unknown force that's propelling your tired legs forward… is that bravery?

Soaps watching Emilia, as they sit around their usual table in the mess hall, Price and Yuri discussing something about Berlin but the Scott's not really listening.

She's doing it again, that way she eats, with her head down, eyes looking anywhere but up, crawling inside herself again, its scares him now, more than it ever had before. Soap wont admit it yet, but he's scared of loosing her, of loosing whatever it is that's going on between them. He needs it as much as Emilia needs him. it's a strange place to be in, and for her its nearly suffocating.

A tug of war is ragging beneath her breast as she fights with herself, fights with the strong desire to just run, to disappear into the wilderness where tragedy and death cant find her, but Emilia wont leave Soap. The only thing in her short miserable life that is worth anything now, or maybe its because when the thought of him suddenly not being there chokes off the air in her lungs, and a sharp pain clenches her heart with such strength it nearly crushes the pathetic organ.

Emilia shudders subtly under her light brown sweater, stirring the mash potatoes around her plate but hardly eating any. The only other time that she felt something this bad was when her mother died. That moment that left her completely and utterly alone in a violent and unforgiving world; it should have moulded her, made her more resilient to breaking down. Hell, Emilia thought it had, she had shut herself off to the pain she faced, to the harsh days of the military. An iron will and a cold mind, was what she thought anyway.

But no, that would be to easy, or maybe she was just to young and had become ignorant and arrogant, either way, that carefully built façade of strength began to crumble the first day she killed someone who didn't deserve death, the cries and screams of terrified people never seemed to leave her, weighing heavy with guilt in the pit of her stomach.

The more Emilia thought about it, sitting there staring at her food, purposely avoiding Soaps penetrating eyes, the more guilt seemed to poor into her soul, her throat closing as her eyes began to burn. A monster… she could have laughed right then, if she wasn't on the verge of hysterics. Yuri had called her a monster after Emilia had called him out but the words had rolled over her like oil on water, her anger shielding her from a truth that burns.

Her eyes snap to Soaps so quickly it startles him, the hate that he sees there stops what he's about to say and he just watches the small girl before him get up and leave. Something's wrong.. But something's been wrong since she woke up the other day, to quiet, even for Emilia, all she did was shadow Soap, comforted by his presence and strength, like she was trying to feed off his energy, hers completely depleted.

He follows her after a moment, treading into unknown territory. There is no strategy for things like this, no carefully laid out plan, this new fear is disarming but Soap ignores it.

He follows Emilia back to her room, hurrying to catch up to her quick light footsteps.

"Emilia wait!" he yells after her, but she doesn't stop till they're both standing feet apart in the small room, her breathing heavy as she chews on her chapped lips.

"What's wrong?"

She looks at him, her eyes darting away quickly as she lights a smoke, she doesn't know what to say, or doesn't know how to. So many things rolling around her mind, its giving her a head ache.

"Talk to me" Soap says a little softer, braving a step closer and she tenses, reminding him of a scared doe, on more broken twig and she'll run.

Emilia turns a little and tries to smile, but it doesn't look right, like the gesture is trying to contain the overflow of sadness inside and its bursting at the seems.

"I..I have to go" she says finally, her voice sounds small and week, and barely a whisper, but Soap heard her, his eyes widening with shock and anger.

"Leave? You cant leave, were in theyd middle of a fucking war, your wanted as much as we are?" he doesn't understand, and doesn't want to deal with the panic that has his heart beating franticly in his chest, he doesn't want to here what he's hearing.

"I'm not good for you.. I-I've done bad things.. " she whispers back, facing away from him when she cant stand the broken look on his face, and her tears begin to fall.

"We've all done bad things, this is war Emilia, no ones good, I've been doing this a lot longer than you ok" Soap tries to reason, quietly, slowly moving closer.

"No.. you don't understand.. Yuri's right, I am a monster, whether I wanted to do those things or not, I did them, I pulled that trigger… and you" she says with such anguish that Soaps throat tightens, "you deserve so much better"

That does it, her self deprecating has pushed Soap a little to much, and he nearly growls as he punches the wall beside him, so hard his hand cracks through the dry wall. Emilia doesn't seem startled by this, as she watches him, struggling to keep from herself from crumbling.

"FUCK! Let it go! No body is perfect Emilia, I don't care what happened before you met us and neither does Price.. We need to stick together or there's nothing to keep fighting for, NOTHING! Ghost and Roach are dead! Price and you are all that's left" Soap yells, in a very rare moment were he nearly looses control of himself, but he's gotten her attention now as he steps closer, directly before her and he grips her trembling arms in his hands.

"You can't leave Emilia" the Scott says this, his deep voice softer now, but he's struggling, frustrated by how hard it is to get these simple words out, as if when he says it, it will cement everything in place, making it all the more vulnerable to attack, " I..I need you, here.. If your gone than there's nothing left… please"

Emilia stares up at the strong man before her, bearing himself for damage in his vulnerability, and the water building in her eyes spills over, not trusting her voice as she opens and closes her mouth.

In one incredibly out of character tender moment, Soap raises one hand to the soft moist skin of her cheek and rubs the falling tears away with his rough and callused thumb, soothing her tired and broken heart in a way that she's never known.

"I'm sorry" she whispers, almost to quiet to here, and he raises her chin up when she tries to hide from him again, "I- I just, I just want it all to be over… so bad.. I don't, I want to stay here… with you" and her voice cracks, Soap cups her face again, bends a little, and instead of offering reassurances in awkward words he kisses her, soft yet powerful, gripping the girl tighter to his solid body when her knees weaken, He deepens the kiss, running his tongue along her lips, Emilia immediately relenting to him as each pour there pain and anger into the other, till he has Emilia pushed up and collapsing on her bed, nearly crushing the small girl beneath him.

"We'll be going to Berlin, the Lustag Hotel. Makarov is throwing some kind of fancy banquet as a front for a meeting with all his top business partners, there will be civilians there as well so watch your fire" Price tells them as they sit around the old mans room, silent grim expressions on all their faces.

"Yuri and Soap you'll provide cover from the tower across the street, well me and Emilia infiltrate from the roof top"

This sparks concern in more than just one as Yuri eyes the girl suspiciously, still not entirely trusting her.

"Wouldn't it be better if I was to provide cover, I have the least field experience for this kind of thing" she asks and Soap nods in agreement.

"Yuri can take cover with her, Ill go with you, it makes more sense" Soap says, backing her up, Price seems to mull this over in his mind before shrugging.

"Okay with me mate, and you can put that old shitty sniper riffle of yours to work then" he smiles down at her and the glare that she throws back at him.

"So we know he'll be there this time?" Emilia asks, ignoring the comment on her beloved weapon.

Price nods before answering as he paces in front of them, arms crossed over his chest in much the same way as his protégée does, something she finds amusing, the subtle ways the two men subconsciously mimic each others movements.

"Makarov has been feeding me Intel on what's going on over there, and I have to say this is our best option for finally nailing the bastard, we'll kill him and end this"

No one says more, as they sit there solid in the silent commitment to one another.

"We leave tonight" Price says finally, nodding to the soldiers as he lights a cigar. Emilia shares a worried look with Soap as the two get up and leave.

Yuri waiting till the pair is out of earshot before he speaks to the old man.

"Are you sure she can be trusted"

Price isn't surprised by this, he's watched the looks that Yuri gives Emilia, but Price isn't sure if its as simple as what the Russian would have you think, so he's been watching Yuri himself, close but at a distance, making sure the guy doesn't try anything stupid where he shouldn't.

"I trust her, so you trust her, because you work for me.. I know who she is, I know more about what she's done than she thinks I do.. If I have anyone to be concerned about, its you my friend" Price tells him, his voice low and dangerous, his eyes bore into the Russian with a cold heartless promise, he'll kill him easy, If he gives him a reason.

Yuri just nods, before standing and taking his own leave, bitter over his powerlessness in this whole fiasco, still having a hard time accepting that the girl is here. Makarov's fucking sister, blood or not, the little bitch is working with them, and from what he's been seeing, probably fucking that Scottish Captain to. Yuri mulling all this over bitterly as he walks away, grinding his teeth.

Emilia sat on the edge of her bed, pulling her faded knee high leather boots on, and slid the combat knife Soap had given her into the hidden sheath in her right boot, once that was done she stood, only in her jeans boots and a black bra, and looked at her self in the mirror.

To skinny maybe, to pale… the harsh pink scars of the few bullet wounds she's received running from her brother those long few months ago. Emilia shivered as she ran her fingers over the rough raised surface, her mind momentarily dispelling the chilling dark thoughts as memories of earlier in the day slid into the for front of her mind, her brief but utterly priceless moments with Soap, are something she treasures, a small glimmer of something beautiful in a bleak landscape, and Emilia will never let it go, holding those memories and the man responsible close in her heart.

It's a weird feeling, she thinks as finishes dressing, pulling on a white tank top, grey sweater and black S.A.S jacket over top her Kevlar. Emilia never really realizing before that she's been without this feeling for so long she's forgotten what its like to have warmth in your heart, something to quench the shadows in her soul even for a brief moment, this terrifies her at the same time as it brings a smile to her face, though the smile is always faltering, but she pushes the fear down as hard as she can. Be strong. Emilia says aloud, if she cant be strong for herself she will for Soap and Price… be strong for her poor mother… avenge her senseless death and kill Makarov, once and for all.

*EEEK! Dun dun dun dun… what's in store next! It'll be crazy and surprising my lovely readers I promise you ;)*


	15. Inside out

And in my mind that was the furry of a madness

That consecrated the dirt

I stumbled through the enigma of the reason

And celebrated the hurt

And then I found in an act of desperation

A subtle rip in the heart

I was seduced by the fear (taste) of devastation

and then it tore me apart

15

Emilia's breath came in quick short bursts of steam in the cold wet chill of the dark Berlin air. Her heart beating wildly with panic as she and the other 3 soldiers moved silently to there positions.

The old city is crawling with the enemy, a near impossibility that they made it to the Lustag without being seen; this should have been a relief to the girl, but none came as her boots smacked lightly on the cement stairs, following the burly Russian up to the top of the tower across the street from the magnificent hotel. A cold sweat soaked her skin under her gear, and she shivers with a chill that penetrates her to the bone despite the excursion of practically running the whole way here from the LZ where Nicoli had left them.

Once they reached the top Emilia immediately crouched below the openings remaining brick wall, and pull her Draganov off her back, resting the riffle on the crumbling wall and adjudged her sights. Yuri doing the same from his position to her right.

"In position Hotel six" she whispers, her voice cracks a little and she curses herself for not having better control over her emotions, as her mind wont leave the Scott on the other side taking up his own Position with Price on the roof top of the hotel.

"Roger that Fire team two" Soaps deep Scottish voice said over the comm. and into their ears, Emilia involuntarily shuddered as memories flashed before her eyes, somewhat subduing her fear with a warmth that pooled in her gut, even if only for a moment it was nice, and it took a little to force back the grin that wanted to plaster her face. Not now. She reminds herself, and begins her watch.

As they waited for Kamirov's signal, the fear crept back in strong, despite how hard she tried to push it out, it was stronger and her gut twisted with dread, Emilia having to swallow the dry lump forming in her throat as her heart rate increased, adjusting her footing a little as her legs began to ache from crouching and the cold.

"Relax, it will be over soon" Yuri says his voice relaxed from beside her, Emilia turns to look at him, her brows knit in confusion and irritation, how the fuck can he be so calm?! It was maddening, not to mention his attempt at 'soothing' only served to pang at her heightened nerves more, the panic in her chest welling.

"Fuck" she hisses and blinks sweat out from her eyes, wiping her face with the back of one gloved hand before looking down her scope again.

Every few moments that go on and nothing happens she scans the roof top quickly and locates Soap, crouching next to Price in almost complete darkness, his riffle firm in his strong hands, she sighs then swings the scope back down to the large obnoxious window on the front of the old building and Emilia scoffs silently, so fucking like him to choose something like this, bastard thinks he's king of the world.

Suddenly her peripheral snaps to attention as it picks up movement and she adjusts the sights again, a new tremor to her fingers makes the task difficult.

"Eyes on target" she whispers breathlessly as she looks upon Makarov's face for the first time in what's felt like a life time, a chill quakes her spin as a cold icy hatred takes over her pounding heart and her muscles tighten and coil, Emilia's chaotic mind stills as she focus's on the face she's known forever.

"Wait for my go Rabbit" Soap says, a note of warning in his voice as if he can here the change in her from where is, but she knows they're waiting for Kamarov to signal Price. She cant remember what that signal was only that the man is supposed to keep Makarov talking at the window long enough for her to take the shot. Funny how she ended up being the trigger finger, fate has a funny way handing you victories since she never intentionally placed herself here for that purpose.

"What's taking so long" she hears Yuri hiss from somewhere she cant see, but he doesn't seem to be in position at the opening anymore, probably just sitting back a little.

"What's he doing?… what are you doing! Get in position" Emilia barks as Makarov walks away, he's not supposed to walk away! "Oh Fuck" she says again when she watches the man pull a gun on Kamirov.

"Target has made red bird!… Hotel six, am I ready and fire hot?" she rambles off in a panick, she'd be surprised that she remembered Kamirov's call sign but is to preoccupied with the panic clamping down around her lungs, making it hard to drawn in air as she watches their mission fall apart in front of her eyes.

"FIRE A GO!" Price screams into her ear piece as he and Soap scale the wall preparing to enter the building, Emilia jumps, realigning Makarov in her sights and just as she's about to pull the trigger, the man turns and seems to lock eyes with her in one completely heart stopping moment. Emilia gasps in horrified surprise, unable to process exactly what that meant as he shoots Kamirov point blank, coating the white wall behind him in a dark blood and brain matter.

"Red bird down, I repeat Red bird Down! Target has made Fire Team two" she cant quell the panic in her voice and she nearly screams this as she fires off three round at the man, but he's running, gone, glass shattering as her shots echo thunderously in the still night air.

Fucking gone again!

"Get out of there Fire team two, Now, meet at the RV in three minutes, a block an a half east from your position" Price tells them, the plan now to meet up behind the hotel and infiltrate it together since covers been blown.

"You miss me sweet Emilia" the chilling voice crackles over the comm. and her heart nearly stops, skipping a long painful beat in its instant pounding of her rib cage, but she doesn't notice this either, or the way her hands tremble badly as she slings her riffle across her back and stands, the world around her moving in slow motion as a ice cold skin wraps itself around her body.

"And Yuri, my old and.. Faithful friend, I have to admit I was a little surprised when you crawled out of the wood work"

Emilia snarled as she tried and failed to link the comm. back up with Price and Soap, however Makarov kept doing this it was cutting her off, and she didn't know what to do.

"Shut up you pathetic piece of traitorous shit" the girl snapped back suddenly, as she crouched by the stair wall, absolute fear shining brightly in her large hazel eyes as she silently signalled to Yuri that she heard 4 + foot mobiles coming up the stairs, she was shocked and bewildered that they had pin pointed there position so fast, as if… as if they already knew. No, that cant be right, not again, not twice in a row.

"You want to talk about Traitors, you blind little bitch.. WHO trained you… ME! I trusted you!…. But we can talk about this later, Ill be seeing you soon" the line went into a dead static in her ear for a second before Soaps panicked voice erupted back on, but Emilia wasn't listening, her eyes wide with utter fear and a sudden terrible understanding hit her, knocking the wind from her lungs like an invisible punch to the gut as 3 men whom she recognized reached the landing, and she had just enough time to see the smug look on Yuri's face before a riffle but cracked her across the back of her head, hitting the healing wound almost dead on. Her world around her exploding into a bright hot painful light before it was snuffed out like a candle.

Pain… deep and agonizing it throbbed from somewhere in the fog. Emilia wondered if this was a dream, or if she'd drank to much again. Ugh God it wouldn't stop; she tried to raise her hand, wanting so desperately to push her palm into her eye sockets, squeeze her head, throw up, anything to quell the constant bombardment of grenades going off in her skull, but she couldn't. Her hands wont move, they feel frozen and numb, as she becomes aware of this the skin at her wrists begins to tingle and burn. What the fuck, she thinks just as she attempts to crack one dry eye open and just as the dim lights stretches her pupil like a hammer to her brain it all rushes back, to fast and her head spins, nausea grips her and she brakes out in a cold sweat as she dry heaves.

"Look whose awake"

Emilia's head lolls back up as her ears prickle at the sound of the heavily accented English spoken somewhere in front of her, but her vision wont focus and the room she cant really see blurs and doubles.

"Was worried I hit you to hard" there was no care or concern in this statement, and she wonders briefly why the mans said it all… something snaps in her mind and a face pops up, merging with the ruff voice before her.

Sergei, the little prick.. Fuck this was bad news, Emilia grunted a little as she forced her eyes open wider, steeling herself against the pounding in her brain as it strengthened, forcing her heart to settle seamed impossible, but if she didn't get a hold of herself, sharpen up, she'd die here tonight.

"Tell Yuri I'm goanna peal that smirk off his face with my knife later`` Emilia's says but its breathy, and her voice cracks, completely lacking the threatening tone she'd wanted, Sergei laughing, deep and heartily at the pathetic attempt.

He says no more to her, just readjusts the American M4 riffle in hands as he sits in a chair opposite her, Sergei's her guard then. Great, well what the fuck now. Emilia's heart wouldn't settle down, every throb and rapid beat, every short quick breath was plain give away to how terrified she really was, not matter what kind of steely glare she bored at the man. They both new she was nothing in comparison to what held her captive.. Makarov and his men were soldiers, fighting a hell of a lot longer then she ever did, inadequate in every sense of the word, and Emilia knew with a stone cold stone finality that she'd never leave this place alive on her own.

Just as Soap's hardened face slipped in behind her eyes the door creaked open, scrapping painfully on the concrete floor. Immediately Sergei stood, his expressionless face watching whom ever had entered behind Emilia.

Her muscles tensed and coiled tighter than ever before, her skin prickling with unseen threat and intuition, knowing instantly who was about to face her. Emilia grinding her teeth, resolute not to let how fucking scared she was show.

Makarov sat in the chair his Henchman had just abandoned, and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees as his cold dead eyes regarded her with such disdain and hatred that it made her skin crawl.

``What do I do with you Emilia`` the question was rhetorical and stupid, everyone in that room knew exactly what was going to happen, with or without her input.

Emilia blinked back the sweat dripping into her eyes as she scanned to bare room that housed her, mostly because something about looking into that mans eyes made her so lost, alone and oh so fucking scared, but also to glean an idea of where she was being held, taking full advantage in the headache that seemed to be receding.

``Its taken me a long time to get you back, your fast… Ill give you that``

No you don't, she thought mentally eye rolling, you cant trust ANYTHING that this man says, not a word, not a single fucking syllable, everything is a lie meant to deceive and gain control… all Makarov cared about was power and destruction.

Stone, stone, and more god damn stone… the walls, the ceiling, and the concrete beneath her, everything nearly solid rock, the two wooden chairs the only things in here, not even a bloody fucking window.

``Don't you want to catch up, make our little family reunion more interesting`` still she doesn't respond, wont look him in the eyes.

Emilia tries hard as she tightens her core muscles, anything to stop the squirming she wants to do, but its damned near impossible with the way her arms and back screamed at her in a cramped pain, her joints throbbing almost unbearably now that she's aware of it.

``Well if that's how you want to do this then Ill get right down to business.. Where is Price and Mactavish, I want there location now``.

Finally Emilia's red rimmed and swollen eyes snapped to Makarov's, the look on her face was broken. Hatred, pain and something close to a bitter sickness splayed across her soft features, twisting them in a way that made her look crazy.

He sneers at her suddenly, impatient with this game and her jumps to his feet and crosses the short distance in two long strides, raising one powerful fist high in the air, Emilia sees it coming, but wont turn her face, God she wants to, but it would only make it worse.

Makarov`s fist rains down on her, crashing into the side of her face so violently that her chair tips over, the other cheek rocking painfully against thr ruff concrete as her face swells, a shuddering throbbing is pounding again as her eyes roll.

Sergei walks over smoothly, a smirk on his face and lifts the bruised girl and the chair, setting them up right.

``I could torture you, cut off a finger for every question you don't answer, but since your such a humanitarian now, maybe you'd be more willing with words if you had…. Some insensitive`` Makarov grins, sinister and hollow, like there's nothing but a dark, deep abyss behind his eyes and nothing but evil lives there.

He turns from her, smiling at her eyes stare off into a dark corner of the room and he knows he`s won.

Nodding to Sergei and the lowly henchman starts barking orders into a headset, one finger crammed in his other ear.

Makarov grabs Emilia's arm painfully and bends down in front of her, her instant reaction is swift and she rocks back in the chair violently, desperately wanting to put as much distance between him and her, but the effort falls flat when the hand he has clamped around her arm tightens and he slams her back down.

Makarov laughs as he cuts the ties holding her to the chair then quickly cuffs her hands together in her lap before standing to his full height and hulling her to her feet along with him.

Emilia's insides squirm and retch in protest at whatever is happening, her intuition rings like the fucking air raid alarm in her skull, whatever is happening…. is really fucking bad.

That dark gnawing hole inside her chest grows with each fated step she takes, agony of a different kind begins to swallow her whole as the realization of what's about to happen floors her. Emilia stumbles as she follows Makarov helplessly, and her chest heaves, a tremoring despair rocks her insides and her kegs shake with weakness… God no… please no.

She begs silently, her eyes wide with fear and some black grief that forces choking sobs up her throat, as a sound hits her ears, its distant and muffled and for a moment Emilia cant identify it, not until a door is opened for her, revealing a stairwell that the sound suddenly becomes clearer.

Echoing hauntingly off the cold walls, the stairs leading down.

Crying… people are crying.

*Did you see that one coming! Stay tuned for the next chapter lovely readers!… Just a warning, the next chapter is going to be rough, like violent* (Oh and RV is rendezvous point)


	16. In ruin

"Once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in"

— Haruki Murakami

16

"NO! Stop please I don't know where they are, they should be here but they're not" Emilia cried out, a strangled sob retching from her throat as she was shoved down to her knees before the trembling, sobbing prisoners. Makarov simply smiled at the girl before him, and shook his head.

"You should know better little sister. That never works, and I don't think your friends would abandon you, according to Yuri the traitors are quite fond of you… So, Ill ask one more time, and if you don't tell me.." he said, leaving the sentence hanging in the air as he withdrew a machete from the back of his belt, Emilia's eyes widening in utter horror, something snapping in her brain and the sharp cruel reality of the situation dawned upon her.

He already knew where they were, how could he not? Price and Soap would be cutting down whatever soldiers he had stationed on the upper floors of the hotel, of coarse he knew, he knew before she ever woke up. This was some sort of sick game… these poor people will die no matter what she says.

"You know where they are?… DON'T YOU?!.. GOD DAMN YOU!" she screamed at him, lunging to her feet in a vain attempt to attack him but didn't get farther then a step or two before Sergei's hand grabbed her braided hair and pulled her so hard her head snapped back, and Emilia fell back to the ground with a painful thud, Makarov's barking laughter ringing in her ears.

"You don't need them! I'm right here!" she struggled back to her knees, holding her shackled hands out before her, as tears shook her body, "Kill me! I deserve it, these people are innocent just let them go!"

Makarov's subtle amusement switched, hatred in its place and he snarled at her then turned on his heal and marched over to the crowd of frightened shaking people and grabbed a middle aged woman's hand, she screamed, Emilia screamed… the men called and pleaded as they tried to pull her back, but Makarov just took her all the same, and dragged her away.

Emilia skirted backwards the closer he dragged the poor woman, kicking to get away, when he let go of her hand she didn't run, just laid there trembling on the ground in her shinny expensive dress, wide eyes full of fear stared at Emilia for a moment before she looked up at her captor, standing over her with the blade gripped tightly in one hand.

"These people aren't innocent! No one is, these PIGS are bureaucrats and idiots that fund the traitors who fight against our country, you want to liberate Russia! This is a step that must be taken, a means to an end my dear…."he glares into her eyes with such an insane intensity that its almost paralyzing, ``you once fought for mother Russia little Emilia, so I know you understand the sacrifices that must be made for liberation``

Emilia gaped at him, fury and rage had her fighting the man that held her down as she cried and yelled at for him, begged for the strangers lives, to take her own and end the madness, and he just laughed at her, in the grip of his own insanity… this is just what he wanted, creating terror, using terror and fear to control, this had nothing to do with liberation.

Her mind numbed over, unable to speak, unable to look away, Emilia watched helplessly as Makarov grabbed a fist full of blond shiny hair, lifting the sobbing women's chin up violently, baring her throat to his sister almost like some twisted offering.

"This ones for you" he says darkly, lifting the blade and in one unfaltering fatal move, sliced its curved edge across the woman's tanned skin, nearly severing her head as muscle and bone split and cracked wide open, blood sprayed forward with unnatural force from her heavy beating heart.

Emilia screamed, turning white as the woman's blood spattered her clothing and her face.

Something deep in her chest cracked and broke apart, erupting into a white hot rage and sorrow that burned her eyes and made her wild as she fought against Sergei, finally breaking free when she elbowed him in the face.

The cowering people suddenly scrambled to their feet, fear making them insane, like frightened cattle at the slaughter house, running blindly for their lives as they trampled one another, screams cut off sharply as they were crushed beneath the feet of others, Makarov's men yelling at them to stop, to freeze, but no one heard, their orders lost in a symphony of screams.

Makarov's head whipped around as soon as his men lost control and began ripping bullets into the scrambling people, dark blood spraying everywhere. The orders he was yelling to them fell on deaf ears, this was absolute chaos.

Emilia shivered and sobbed, as she screamed at the people to run, to get out, even as the last one fell her mind wouldn't comprehend the brutal violence, not until her frantic gaze landed on Makarov, they're eyes locking onto the other, it froze her, even as he marched in her direction, dropping the machete and unholstering his side arm, the man was yelling at her, spiting in anger but she couldn't hear him… all sound had been sucked away, nothing but the heavy laboured beat of her heart remained.

Soap and Price were at a full sprint, panic and dread spurring them on, the muffled screams and gunfire settled like a stone in his stomach… Emilia's in there, somehow he knows it.. Tears burned the Scots eyes as they rounded the last corner, coming to a large dark wooden door, praying hard to God she was ok… he couldn't loose her, not now… he couldn't make it with out her, his lungs and heart clenching painfully, luck had been on his side for so long it was bound to run out… please God, not to night.

He would kill anyone to see those large raw hazel eyes, to see her looking back at him, fierce and vulnerable, trying so hard to be strong, all he wanted was to feel her wrapped up in his arms, safe were this cruel world couldn't touch her… but she wasn't here, Emilia was somewhere he couldn't protect her, alone with the enemy, and by the sounds of what was going on in the room at the end of the hall, hope didn't have much room to breath, that it was bad in there…. So bad.

He knew… with some heavy logic that to hope. to pray, would only devastate him more in the end, logic shook him, to expect the worse, and he did, the Scott's heart breaking at what he would find across the threshold.

"Going in" Price said to Soap, they nodded to each other as the old man kicked the large door open, wood splinters exploding out as it banged with a crack against the wall on the other side.

Time slowed down as the Scott took in the massacre, death and red coated everything, the strong metallic sent of blood hung heavy in the air.

Price beside him opened fire on the soldiers that were turned away from them, standing about the mess like they didn't know what to do anymore.

Soap scanned the room, eyeing the mass of slaughtered civilians looking for her, desperately seeki - Makarov! He sees the man, pistol raised, blood soaking his arms, he's walking away from their position, that's when the Scott's cold hard eyes land on Emilia, crumpled on the ground, moving back, away from her advancing attacker, her hands cuffed making her movements sluggish, to slow.. She's crying, her bruised and swollen face twisted with so much pain.

Makarov pulls the hammer back on the pistol gripped in his hands, and all at once the world speeds up, Soap snapping out of the grip shock tried to have over him, raised his riffle to his eyes and pulled the trigger.

BANG!

"EMILIA!" Soap screamed and ran, full tilt as the tyrant and the girl dropped at the same time. God, he shot her!

No no no no, FUCK, please god no.

He ran, stumbling over the bodies beneath him, his heart plummeting, beating so violently in his chest it hurt. Soap dropped his weapon somewhere along the way, her still body growing closer and closer, sliding on his knees when he reached her, eyes wide, silent unknown tears cut through the dirt and grime on his rough cheeks. She was so still, her half open gaze unseeing out into the still air over his shoulder,

"E-Emilia" the words croaking out of his constricted throat, grief and pain choking the air from his lungs, as his shaking hands shot to her face, blood soaking the side of her head… to late.

"No…. no baby please"

Price thundered down beside him, shoving Soap out of the way, sliding down beside her, his large shoulders shuddering, an empty gut wrenching ache began to tear him apart. The Scott lifted an arm across his face as he tried to breath, everything hurt.. Every muscle ached, his eyes burning in his skull.

"She's alive mate"

Soaps head snapped up violently, almost not believing he heard the old man right, shock and hope exploding in his heart as he shot to his knees and leaned over her blood spattered still body.

"She's got a strong pulse, Makarov just grazed her, knocked her clean out…" Prices words trailed off as he watched his protégée trying with all his strength to hold it together.. It was so unlike Soap, so different from the hard bastards nature.. Soap could handle anything, has handled everything, been through the meat grinder and back with his head high, but the sight of this broken girl was to much; and Price could see it, love did that to people.

"Thank God" the Scott breathed, the instant relief that that mixed with the burning hurt and grief made him sick to his stomach but he swallowed it, and gently slid his arms beneath her still body, and stood, cradling her against his solid chest.

"Makarov's dead.." he said at last to Price as he looked down upon the tyrants body, this should have brought them joy, but all that the two soldiers felt looking at they're enemy was a numb darkness, he may be dead now… but the world he attacked was falling apart, broken. The war not over yet, not with so many countries fighting each other, it would be decades before it all died down… but that didn't matter, not anymore.

Soap sighed, brushing his fingers over her grimy swollen cheek almost reverently, soaking up the nearly weightlessness of her body in his arms, nothing mattered as long as she was safe… No he'd failed Emilia again, practically handed her over to the enemy willingly.

The anger built again, so fast the heat of it took his breath away for a moment. his eyes hardening. If he'd just fucking been there, instead of Yuri- Yuri.

The Scott's eyes snapped up looking, searching the bodies that covered the floor. Come on, he thought, hoping hard he'd see the bloody Russians face amongst the dead.

Price eyes his friend for a second before walking over to him, "what's wrong mate?"

"Yuri's not here" Soap says deeply, anger rumbling in his chest, no.. no its not over yet, not till he's digging his thumbs into that fucks sockets so hard his eyeballs burst.

"Next time Soap, Nicoli is on his way, ETA 15, LZ is two blocks away, roof top of an apartment building" Price said firmly, they would hunt down Yuri, but not today, Emilia needed help, he was worried about how many times she'd been hit in the head over the last few days, and desperately wanted to get her checked out.

Soap nodded once then turned and started jogging, adjusting Emilia over his shoulders, one strong arm gripping both her thighs so he could hold his riffle in the other.

The Scott hoped to God Price had more 'friends' up his sleeve with hidden hideouts, there's no way they could go back to the Russian base in Iraq, not with Yuri still out there and technically manning the rest of Makarov's massive army all by himself now, if it was as he suspected, that Yuri had been working for Makarov the whole time, what other explanation was there for the mess in Istanbul.

Soap's train of thought switched off, focusing now on navigating the hazardous streets to the LZ point, Price leading the way, he squeezed his arm just a little tighter around Emilia's legs, comforted more then he should be by the girl draped over his shoulders. . Soap smiled softly to himself, she's alive, he has her now, and he will never let her go again.


	17. Beauty in the breakdown

"Grief is like sinking, like being buried. I am in water the tawny color of kicked-up dirt.

Every breath is full of choking. There is nothing to hold on to,

no sides, no way to claw myself up. There is nothing to do but let go.

Let go. Feel the weight all around you, feel the squeezing of your lungs, the slow,

low pressure. Let yourself go deeper. There is nothing no bottom.

There is nothing but the taste of metal, and the echoes of old things, and days that look like darkness."

— Lauren Oliver

17

How do you move on from something like this… can you? Is it simply just letting go, the past is the past and all that. What do you do when horror and tragedy stick to you like a second skin? Maybe just shove it all inside, lock all the pain up tight, till it becomes a part of you, till you can just live even though its there… is that even living?

Soap sat next to Emilia in a small comfortably furnished bedroom on the 1st floor of a modest dwelling belonging to the widow of a man whom Price had served with once in his long military career. The Scott hadn't asked any questions when the broken trio was ushered into the British flat, a grim dark expression on the woman's face as she followed them in… he's never been more grateful.

"There's a room down the hall.." the woman says, and nods her chin over her shoulder, curly blond hair bobbing, "you can put her in there"

Soap nods and follows her direction sombrely, laying Emilia ever so gently on top of the quilted duvet cover, tenderly smoothing back matted hair stuck to her pale forehead, blood is crusted in the mass of tangled dark locks, untwining from the braid.

The badly bandaged wound on the side and back of her head is stained dark and brown as the red dries out… God she's covered in the stuff, small splatters stand out in stark contrast on her cheeks, her neck, hands… Soap grinds his teeth harder, its not right, none of it is… but it never will be, he thinks as he goes for a dampened cloth and begins to softly wipe away the hell she's been through. But knowing he could never erase what was festering where he couldn't reach.

"How's she doing?" comes the voice of their host, Soap just shrugs, not turning around. Manners can fuck themselves at the moment, so sorry if he seems rude right now.

"Mind if I take a look.. Used to work at a clinic before the war" she says cautiously, taking a step into the room, this time Soap does turn around, and the woman flinches at the raw hatred and pain and fear bared in his cold eyes, but he nods and gives the lady room.

"Names Sherri by the way, have to tell you I wasn't to keen on this…"she trails off, opening one of Emilia's eyes one at a time, and shining a small pen light into each pupil "but, John's a good man, figured the shit the armies dishing out isn't true… just don't abuse my hospitality and you can stay as long as you like."

Soap wasn't surprised by this, he'd be much less welcoming in his own home, but as for now, he couldn't ask for anything better.

"Thank you" he says, his eyes trailing over the still, small form now under the quilt, "what do you think?"

Sherri hums for a minute, narrowing her eyes.

"She has a concussion that's for sure, I'm going to stitch up her worst wounds, but beyond that, pray its not worse… without proper equipment there's no way of telling if she has swelling on her brain, at least till she wakes up"

Soap digested this the best way he knew how, internalizing it… sucking it up and placing it somewhere in the back of his chest, his mind, where all the other horrible things are waiting, right now Emilia needs him, and he needs to be strong even if his heart felt sharp and heavy with rage and worry.

Sherri kneels next to the bed a small plastic tray beside her on the light oak nightstand, where she's lain a needle and thread, scissors and antiseptic wash.

Her gentle hands slowly peel back the first band aid, the one that covers the bullet graze on the side of the girls head and Sherri groans… its really not pretty, her flesh swollen and angry red, scabbed over with dried blood…

Soap grinds his teeth harder, as Sherri cleans the wound, pulling the hair away as best she can then softly breaks the needle through Emilia's enflamed broken skin, one after another she threads together the girl , a fine line of black stitching cutting from just under her right eye across the ridge of her cheek bone and into her hair, a nasty thing… next, with the help of the Scott they roll her over, and begins the process again.

It takes about twenty minutes to patch Emilia back together, wipe away the last of the blood staining her pale skin. It strikes Soap, as he watches her sleep, the gentle rise and fall of her chest, how peaceful she looks in this moment, stitching aside… but its deceiving, he knows as he mentally prepares him self for what might happen when Emilia wakes up. All he knows is that she wont be the same anymore.

"How's are girl holding up?" Price asks a little while later after a short, tense meal. he and Soap are standing in the darkness of the small back yard, the deep glow of a cigar and a cigarette illuminates their faces, Soaps brow is deeply creased in thought and worry.

"Physically, she seems ok, no sign yet of something more serious…" he frowned deeper, letting out a breath of pluming smoke, watching the old man in the darkness form the corner of his eye, "I'm worried though, they way it was when we got there… after everything she's already seen.."

Price nodded slowly, hearing the words his friend didn't say, "she cant come with us anymore"

Soap looked at him more directly, flicking the but of his smoke somewhere off in the darkness and crossed his arms over his broad chest.

"Can we keep her here? "

"Yes… but she wont want to" Price said slowly under his breath. Soap looked up at the house behind them, no, Emilia will want a part of whatever there doing… she'll fight him.

"She doesn't have a choice anymore"

The men headed back inside Price heading off to take watch by the kitchen window, Soap heading upstairs to take his post by Emilia's beside. Content in just watching her sleep, fear and guilt panging around his heart just knowing that by keeping her here, was in a way a betrayal, she'll want to be a part of bringing down Yuri and whoever else stands in the way… but Soap knows, as the memory of her horrified grief stricken face flashes through his mind, that much more of this hell and she'll break apart completely, he'll loose her and that's not something he's willing to risk anymore, not for her, not for anyone.

Emilia growled deep in her chest, waking up this time was agonizing as the familiar pounding of power drills against her skull made her sick. She pushed the palms of her hands, one scared the other unblemished into her eyes.

"AH" she cries as a intense searing pain rips across the side of her head ending in the most incredible blinding throb at the back of her head, her hand shakily raised to her face, feeling around for the source of her suffering, prodding her cheek till the pads of her finger tips came into contact with a rough almost sharp.. something… something that shouldn't be there.

"What the fuck?" she gasped, feeling it a bit more.

"Stitches"

The voice was so sudden and unfamiliar that Emilia yelped and jumped a little, her head swinging around painfully to the foot of the strange bed she was lying in, her watering red hazel eyes narrowing at the strange blond stranger standing there.

"Who the hell are you"

The woman just smiled, not offended by the harsh words, or the untrusting gaze from her ward.

"My names Sherri, old friend of your Captain Price" she tells Emilia, coming over and sitting on the edge of the bed, seeing the young girls gaze not change or waver as she scooted back, putting more room in-between them.

"Your friends brought you here last night, your pretty banged up but at least you're a little more clean… I stitched you up to" Sherri says with a proud smile and a pointing finger at her handy work, " right there and the back of head… some pretty nasty wounds but you'll live by the looks of it"

Emilia's hand went back to touching the stitches again, a darkness falling over her face, a distant look in her eyes as they began to water. Sherri's lips set in a tight line and she stood, smoothing out the green t-shirt she was wearing.

"I'm going to tell them your awake" she didn't wait for or expect an answer, not sure if the girl had even heard her.

Emilia watched her leave, the door standing a jar. Her eyes stung with a building pressure and her throat constricted painfully as the creeping memories of the day before swam across her mind.

All those people, those poor people. Dead. Her own brother,(blood or not, it didn't matter anymore) had so much death, so much blood on his hands. Her chest heaved once, gulping down the cold pain as it tried to force its way up her throat, no.. she thinks, but she's loosing control over the straining pressure, a damn about to break.

The door creaked open then, heavy footsteps padding across the grey carpet.

"How are you feeling?" came the deep resonate baritone, a soothing salve on her raw heart. Emilia raises her heavy eyes to meet Soaps, and the worry, the care that she sees radiating out if those ice blue eyes nearly takes her breath away for a moment.

"Like I got hit by a train" she says, but her voice is to soft and cracks a little.

Soap frowns, and slowly raisers a hand to her cheek, brushing a rough and calloused thumb under the wound, across the swollen flesh. Her eyes begging to water again as he reads the stark pain there, his own heart breaking along with hers.

He sighs, she seems so fragile, like if he squeezes to tight she'll shatter.

"I'm going to protect you Emilia… but you have to let me"

It was her turn to frown now, as she cocked her head a little, the insistent pounding in her brain making her wince a little.

"What do you mean?"

Soap lets out a breath, wishing he could have given her more time before having this conversation, but time wasn't on their sides, he was leaving in the morning with Price, she needed to know now. He looked at her, knowing that no matter how he spun it, she'd be upset.

"Your not coming with us anymore"

Emilia pulled back like he'd slapped her, sitting up to fast her vision swooned, but it was the gallop her heart made as his words sunk in that soured her face.

"You cant make me stay back… this is my fight to!, I-I'm not just going to sit back and relax!" she snapped, her voice rising in anger.

"You don't have a choice Emilia, your wounded, you were shot last night, grazed, you have a concussion… what happened there, your not ok" he said finally, sucking in a breath as her face reddened.

"You cant tell me to do anything John! You have no right to tell me HOW IM feeling!… make me stay here like some little bitch! Is that how it is! I'm just fine thank you very much" Emilia snapped as hot burning tears leaked down her cheeks, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and she stood, which as it turns out was a bad idea. Swooning, the world around her nearly blackened as it spun, her knees buckling Emilia fell right into the waiting strong arms of the man beside her.

"Your not well.. Hate me if you need to, but your staying here, its to dangerous and I'm not going to loose you to… I wont be able to focus on the mission if your there Emilia" Soap keeps his voice low and gentle as he talks, holding her reddened cheeks in his hands, guilt stabs at him as he watches her defences weaken, the fiery anger cools a little… he releases a breath, at least she understands, even if she's mad.

"Fuck you Mactavish… I'm not happy about this, its not fair, I-I… " Emilia relented, exhaustion and a cold weight settling in the pit of her stomach.

He watched her face, surprised by how quickly her emotions changed and switched places, the anger so suddenly being snuffed out, replaced by a darkness he was coming to recognize, a seemingly unending battle inside as guilt tried to devour her whole.

"I'm so sorry" he whispers.

"Why?" she asks, what could he possibly have to be sorry for? If anyone was sorry, it was her, a million sorries for all the poor people whose lives have been devastated and destroyed by her brother, by her inability to stop him.

"I shouldn't have left you alone… I couldn't get to you in time " he growled, clenching his fists as his heart tightened in his chest, "I was to late.. But at least he's dead"

Emilia's eyes snapped open wide as soon as those words hit her ear drums.

"Whose dead?"

Soap could of slapped himself, fuck she didn't know. Theyd both been shot at the same time, knocked out the same instant that he dropped dead.

"I shot Makarov as he shot you"

The silence that followed was suffocating, Emilia gulping down the drowning emotion that threatened to consume her. Now don't be mistaken, its not sadness or grief at the loss of this man, not like one would usually greave for a dead sibling… no, this is shock, relief, rage, sorrow and horror all boiling up at once, her heart beat quickens as a cold sweat breaks out over her pale skin.

"He really dead?" she manages.

Soap studying her carefully, nods his head to her. Emilia's eyes flutter shut, long soft lashes brushing against her cheeks as a few more tears spill from the brink, she takes a few deep shuddering breaths before turning her gaze back upon him.

"Does this mean its over?"

The Scott looks down at the floor, and shakes his head no this time as he fishes for his smokes and hands her one, lighting it then lighting his own.

"Yuri got away, he'll probably take up top dog position now, and many of Makarov's business partners are still out there"

Emilia chewed on her dry lips a moment, drawing her knees up to her chest, and she noticed for the first time all the blood staining her jeans.. Her shirt.

"Kill him… kill them all, I want every last one of these fucks to suffer"

The ache in her gut swelled, it choked off her breath, a sob breaking free and she bit down on the pink scar of her hand, seeing the burnt and mottled skin… Ghost and Roach, they're dead faces flashing so vividly across her minds eye it took her breath away, God her heart hurt, it hurts so bad.

Something cracks and tares, an unmanageable wealth of pain and despair bubble up to the surface, her heart drowning, tears and racking cries shake her body as she buries her face in her hands, screams and haunted memories ricochet between her ears, she crumbles, her insides tearing apart… it wont stop.. The pain wont stop, bent on breaking her down, skinning her alive.

"F-Fuck" she croaks, a warmth spreads across her back as Soaps strong hands encircle her quaking body, leaning her against his solid form and just holds her as her soul shatters in his arms.


	18. One for the books

Always return to Hell and back

Straight to Hell and back

Straight down

A lonely light in a window

Just longing for some company

Tragic, heartless and hateful

But there's nothing as willing as she

And when the night has fallen

It falls hard and then it all begins

Metallica

18

Emilia watched them leave, trying to hold in the never ending stream of searing tears as they reached the end of the driveway, walking slow but strong, Soap, looking over his shoulder one last time, cold blue eyes locking with her drawn hazel orbs. A moment, that's all it was, but in that once glance, they each bared their hearts into the other, fear and unsaid love. Her shoulders shudder as a chill grips her… this is wrong, staying behind. She hates it, there's no control being stuck here with Sherri for however long they're gone for… fuck, Emilia hisses from between grinding teeth, wanting to run down that drive way so badly, take the hulking man into her arms and never let him go.. Just don't go.

But she doesn't, Emilia cant move, her muscles taught and straining, paralyzed. Fucking pussy, she says to herself, and just like that he's gone, around the corner, past a hedge. A car engine kicks to life, then its gone…gone, fucking gone. Her hands grip her mouth tightly as she begins to cry. Her heart breaking for the thousandth time.

"How did you do it" Emilia asks her blond host, sitting down at the breakfast table sipping her Rosie lee

Trying to choke down the toast, dry despite the jam spread on it. Sherri watched for a moment, sky blue eyes trying to figure out the small battered girl before her.

"You just do love, there's nothing that will make them leaving easier. Trust me I tried to find it when Tim would go off" she says with a sad smile, cradling her own cup.

Emilia nods back in understanding, taking another bite of toast as she looks down at her hands, their small and pale, her nails chipped and dirty. Her left hand, smooth on one side, mottled and forever damaged on the other, pink and angry… a constant, ever present reminder of all they've lost, a reminder of how fragile life is, no matter how strong or tough you are.

Emilia shakes her head, slipping her damaged hand onto her lap, ignoring Sherri's sympathetic eyes.

"Anything you need done around here?" she asks suddenly, the oppressive silence to much as it clenched onto her bruised and aching heart.

Sherri smiles and stands with her, shaking her head.

"No, not really, but if you looking to keep busy, I have a lot of books, you'd be surprised how easy it is to get lost in a story for a couple hours, completely forget about the real world, it'll help pass the time" the woman informed Emilia with an eyebrow quirked in question, then turned on her heal and began walking up the stairs, her guest following shyly.

Wow, Emilia thought when Sherri left her in the spare room upstairs where she kept all her books. "Its like a fucking library up here" three of the four walls lined with book shelves, each shelf completely full of novels.

Not being one that ever really had the leisurely time to just kick back and pop open a good story this was new territory, but desperate for a distraction Emilia didn't complain, thinking that out of all the shit she's done giving this a shot certainly wouldn't kill her.

Scanning the many tittles printed on pealing and ageing spins she searched for something that tickled her fancy.

Dracula, Treasure Island, Bag of Bones, The Stand, Odd Thomas, The Shinning… 'I see a trend here' she thought with a smile tugging at the corners of her lips, this chicks likes her scary books.

Hmmm' Emilia hummed, pulling down a thinner yellow and black book… House on the Borderland,

"Well Mr. William Hope Hodgson I hope your enthralling" she muttered, turning the novel over gently in her hands, the feel of the worn smooth soft cover felt good against her skin of her fingertips. With a deep sigh she wanders over to the small bed in the room and sits down cross legged and opens the first page, skipping past all the unimportant details till she comes to Chapter one.

Emilia's mind was trapped in a strange land, of god like demons and monstrous men with pig heads, black eyes shining with ill intent, a desperate scared old man trapped in his own house, watching helplessly as the world dies, her mind painting a vast and barren landscape that is always changing, gaping holes in the earth and a land of malicious giants hidden from sight. For hours she spun this place, the characters voices echoing inside her mind, faces and fears and nightmares keeping her on edge so long she didn't even realize that the early afternoon sun had waned and descended into darkness, the lonely lamp in the room is all that illuminated the words in this terrifying story, her wide hazel eyes never leaving its pages, and for a brief few hours short of a twelve hour day, Emilia forgot who she was, that terrible and unending ache in her chest, the cold wrenching despair in her gut had been numbed, soothed by the provoking desperate story, a powerful window into another place that lay in her trembling hands.

"Sometimes in my dreams, I see that enormous pit, surrounded, as it is, on all sides by wild trees and bushes. And the noise of water rushing upwards, and blends - in my sleep - with other and lower noises; while, over all, hangs the eternal shroud of spray…."

Emilia suddenly blinked and looked up, back in the spare room, books surrounding her, laying on her back with the book held above her head, staring at those last few sentences finishing this story off.

God, reality was so quiet, she thinks, a strange melancholy weighs heavy in her heart, but there's a comfort there, but it's a strange one, a dark comfort, brought on by a fictional mans terrible suffering. In some ridiculous way Emilia felt connected now, to this character, a shared grief and turmoil weaved them together, even if it was only one sided.

"SO how was the book love?"

Sherri's sudden invasion of the still silence caused Emilia's heart to rocket in her chest, shooting up so fast her head spun and ached, oh yeah, she's been bashed in the head to much. The girl laughs a little under her breath at this, wondering how she's not fucking brain dead.

"It was amazing, thank you so much for letting me read it…" she smiled a little sheepishly up at Sherri, "I've never really read a full story book before, could I read another one?"

Sherri laughed out loud, resting her hands on her hips in a way that brought the sudden image of Emilia's mother to the front of her mind, dragging along a sharp pang of stuffed away grief with it.

"Read as many as want, but its time for supper, read after," she tells the girl as she gets up off the bed and the two of them head back down stairs, "though I have to say… I have NEVER seen anyone read a whole book in less then one day" Emilia laughed at this, well, giggled sort of, maybe it was weird, but if she could loose herself in more stories, maybe coping with Soaps absences and her own pain will be easier.

Running again.

Her mind whispered, your running from it again. Emilia shook her head at her own thoughts, she didn't care anymore if she was hiding or running or whatever the fuck you'd want to call it, it felt a shit load better than being constantly eaten alive from the inside out, devoured by all the shitty and awful things that have become apart of her. She huffs a little and sits down at the same oak table as before, a steaming bowl a stew before her, her mouth watering greedily, Soaps rugged handsome face like a shadow in her eyes, the pain in her heart that had, which for a brief moment had been hidden away, was back now with a vengeance, making it hard to swallow the savoury bowl of meat and vegetables before her.

'You just learn to carry it around' Soaps echoing voices resounded in her mind, his deep vibrating voice telling her that the ache, the sorrow, never would leave, you just move on with it. A strange concept, she thinks, chewing her food, rolling the meat over her tongue, just accepting it like a bad room mate that wont go away. Can she do that? She wonders, is it worth it?

Fuck

Emilia shakes her head softly, immersed in her own thoughts, she can if Soaps there with her… Soap and some books. Yeah, she could do that, or try to, some wicked scary stories and a hot, tough as nails bad ass dude; a smile tugged again at her chapped lips, 'maybe' was a start, she'd try.

"This is really good… thank you" she says softly, thanking Sherri for the good food, "you didn't have to go through the trouble though, I've gotten used to rations"

Sherri barked out a laugh and shook her head, " My dear, that is precisely why I'm going to pump you full of as much real food as I can well you're here, those things are god-awful, damned bloody wankers the lot of them for making a poor thing like you eat that shit"

Emilia smiled back at her, thanking her for her hospitality and ate the rest of her meal in silence, thinking she'd eat thousand rations and protein bars if it meant it was eating them with the two men left of the quartet who had so quickly become her family.

"They'll be okay love, Price and Captain Mactavish are two of the strongest men I know, if anyone can make it bake, it's them"

She knew Sherri meant well, but her comforting words left a sour taste in her mouth and a bitterness in her heart, strength doesn't mean anything… Ghost was strong, Roach was strong, fucking Makarov was strong, but they're all dead now, gunned down like a fucking human meat sack. In the end, survival was bent on your damned luck, and praying to fucking god that it hasn't run out.

Emilia frowned a little, and forced the last of her stew in her mouth and excused her self to wash the dish off then run out for a smoke.

'I need to read more' she thinks bitterly, the cold, crisp air stinging her pale cheeks and whipping about long locks of dark hair, looking up at the stars littering the night sky, the thought that maybe Soap was looking up at them to made her feel just a little less alone.

*Sorry that took so long, drank a little to much over the holidays, mushy brain an all that, anyway, hoped you enjoyed this chapter, next one up soon!*


	19. Jump in the fire

*Quick note, there's some drunk talk coming and the grammatical errors in the dialog are for effect!.. Woo party time!*

I just want to feel safe in my own skin

I just want to be happy again

I just want to feel deep in my own world

but I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore

On a different day if I was safe in my own skin

then I wouldn't feel so lost and so frightened

But this is today and I'm lost in my own skin

Dido

19

She's panicking. Straight up starting to freak out, having been three full days since she watched Soap walk away and not a single god damn word… not like Emilia expected a phone call or anything but still, not being there with them, not knowing what was happening was nearly killing her. Like now, sitting in her borrowed room, knees drawn up to her chest, staring at the page of a book that she's not really reading, the solace she had found was a brief reprieve at best, now she cant focus, her vision blurring the sentences together as the muscles in her throat constrict and tighten painfully with swelling fear.

'God please' she whispers under her breath, another silent prayer to that non existent god again… empty hope; but hey, its something right.

There's knocking at the door, and Emilia's reddened hazel eyes snap to it as Sherri opens it a little, just enough for her blond head to poke through, a sympathetic tight smile pulls her lips taught.

"I'm breaking out the booze… want to join me, get drunk?" she smiles a little easier now, watching Emilia roll the offer over for a moment before tossing the unread novel down on the quilted bed covers and standing.

"Sure, why the hell not"

Sitting in the small warm living room now, Emilia across from Sherri, a coffee table in-between the two, a 2.6 of whisky and two shot glasses waiting for them on its worn wooden surface, and Emilia wonders why people have to drink straight hard liquor all the time, what happened to fruity drinkable drinks.

"To the two Johns" they toast, clinking the small glasses together, and the girl eyes hers warily with heavy eyes but shoots back the foul burning liquid anyway, Sherri laughs from across the table at the face she makes when the amber fire settles in her stomach.

"Lets have some tunes ya" the blond stands and walks over to a black stereo and pushes a button, immediately music fills the room, some kind of hip hop or something, and Emilia suddenly has an intense feeling that she's missed so much more of the world than she could ever really understand, and this thought alone hurts her heart, like she lost something she didn't even know she lost… and can never get it back.

"More!" Sherri chirps, swaying her shoulders rhythmically as she sits and pours more drinks.

"I LOVE HIM!" Emilia yelled loudly, a micky of vodka clasped tightly in one hand as she sort of dances to the blaring music playing through the room, her hips moving slowly, a fog settles over her anxious mind and Emilia thinks she has never felt so good… so free.

"Its weird HE ssood hate meee"

Sherri, dancing beside her screws her brows together and grabs her shoulders, jerking the girl a little as she forces Emilia to face her.

"WHAT! Why.. that's jush stupid!"

A loud giggle peals out of Emilia's throat as she swoons backwards a little pulling the blond with her, the alcohol sloshing around in the bottle, dangerously close to spilling.

"Cuz the baaad guys my brotha " another bout of drunken laughter sends the two women teetering to the couch, falling into its arms side by side, and everything blurs together.

"Obviously it doesn't mater.. Sooap doesn't care girrly.. I thinks he loves you to"

Emilia turns her head slowly to look over at Sherri, a dumb grin on her face, her cheeks flushed deep red.

"You know.. What I reaaally wanna know.." she leans even closer , Shari snorts loudly and shakes her head no as she takes a deep gulp of whisky.

"Why the bloody fuck! Is he called SOAP!"

Sherri bursts into barking laughter, spraying the drink she took all over her jeans.

Emilia doesn't hear her response as she rolls off the coach onto the soft carpeted floor giggling to herself as a forgotten but intensely familiar pain seeps back into the pit of her unsettled sour stomach, and suddenly its not funny anymore, she wants Soap to tell her why his call sign is Soap, she wants this so bad it hurts, tears sting her eyes again… but its more than that, somehow in her drunken state she's aware of that, that this darkness is so much deeper… so much older than she can even grasp; as if its somehow an inherited despair from her poor desperate mother.

"Eellloo there little love" Sherri's face swims in her vision then, a weird expression in her glassy eyes, "you still here? Is like your lights went out or somethen"

Emilia shrugged a little and forced a grin as the world around her spun and twisted, the cold lead in her gut turning toxic and foul.

"Naaw, I'm fine" she slurs, grabbing Sherri's shoulder for support as she stumbles to her feet.

'Or not fine' her mind tells her, the living room spinning a little faster, the loud music making it impossible to think straight… its to much fucking noise.

"I think its time for you to lay down" she hears Sherri say from somewhere behind her, but her voice is distant… whatever good feeling Emilia had was certainly not coming back.

"Like.. In front of the loo maybe"

A warm hand on her back and she's moving, slowly being guided down the hall her feet tripping over themselves, that god awful noise fading a little.

She's in the bathroom suddenly, the bright white light burns her blood shot eyes, but the snapping turn her head makes to avoid the glare sends the nauseous swell in her stomach bubbling with a vengeance to her mouth.

"fuuck"

"Uuuugh" Fuck…fuck me… just bloody fuck.

Emilia groans, rolling over, pressing her head into the pillow beneath her, the steady sickening throb in her brain was becoming maddeningly familiar.

"Remove my braaaiiinnn"

Fuck this shit, she thinks and throws the covers off, somewhere in the back of her mind Emilia wonders how she got into bed, the last thing she remembers is hurling the contents of her stomach into glistening white porcelain.

Padding slowly on her bare feet to the kitchen, following the rich and somewhat nauseating smell of fresh brewed coffee Emilia finds Sherri seated at the table, steaming cup before her, her blond head crushed under her hands.

"Hey" the younger girl says sitting down, stretching her sore legs out in front of her as she grinds the palms of her hands into her aching eye sockets.

Sheri just waves a hand, her head remaining plastered to the table top.

"Want some eggs?" she asks, her words muffled, Emilia grimaces at the thought of eating anything at the moment, but knows all the same that a greasy meal will probably help the god awful hangover.

"Sure"

Sherri nods, wincing at her own headache as she slowly lifts her chin, red rimmed eyes and a bitter nasty taste in her mouth.

"Ill help you" Emilia says, standing to her own feet and walks over to the fridge as Sheri pulls out a frying pan and heats up a burner.

Slowly and without much enthusiasm the two women make breakfast, eggs, bacon and toast, two massive cups of water to accompany the Advil. Neither one saying a word as they work in a strange comfortable silence, that is, at least until Emilia spots Sherri eyeing the pink scarring on her hand and the reaction is uncontrollable and instantaneous. Her stomach drops as she snatches her hand from sight, turning away and gulping down air, her brows knit together fiercely, grinding her together hoping, just hoping that the woman doesn't ask.

"I'm sorry" comes Sherri's voice, she's watching Emilia throw out broken eggs shells, her back turned to her, the older woman mentally cursing herself.

"No.. its ok, I kinda over react sometimes…. Can be a drama queen I guess" Emilia says softly, turning back around to face her, a forced smile on her lips, but the way she's ringing her hands together gives away her distress.

"Its not just them being gone" she says suddenly, a despret need to justify her behavior takes over her

".. it's the friends that died, it's-its…fucking e-everything" god damnit..fuck she hisses in her mind, mad at herself and feeling like a whiny over emotional teenager for being so..so fucking emotional.

Sherri moves closer, wrapping her arms around the smaller girl, Emilia tenses not expecting the gesture, but the warmth and understanding radiating from Sherri comforts her and she eases into the embrace, tears flowing as she begins to sob.

They stay this way for a moment, to hurt souls clinging to the other, and its here that Emilia realizes that she's not as alone as she first thought, this women does understand a bit of the darkness inside her from the loss of her husband, a pain that never really leaves you.

"It'll be ok love" the woman says into her ear, its not a promise, no guarantee of the future, just a simple string of words meant to sooth the bruised and wounded heart, something that only has value because the one saying it has suffered to.

Emilia sniffles, pulling her head back, cheeks flushed with embarrassment at the scene she made, but smiles softly all the same, thanking the woman for not prying more directly, thanking her silently for just being there.

Sheri is about to say something comforting to her when a nock at the door has both women's head snapping to the front hall, a sudden look of excited panic flashes so intensely into Emilia's eyes as she takes a step forward, but fear keeps her from running, fear that its not them, some elderly neighbour or worse… just Price comes back.

The older woman senses her trepidation and puts a reasurning hand on her trembling shoulder before walking to the door just as another knock breaks the silence, louder this time.

"OH!, Thank God your back!"

Emilia watches with wide eyes from the kitchen entryway, glued to her spot as Sherri moves out of the way of the open door, letting walk in the two most wanted men in the universe.

Time slows down when Soap walks in, and all she can here is the incredible beat of her own heart as her hazel orbs take in the large tired man walking towards her, there's a small smile tugging the corner of his mouth, ice blue eyes boring into hers and its like a dream, to good to be real. Its funny how three days turns into a lifetime.

"John…" Emilia breaths out, her voice faltering as fresh emotion burns her throat, one strong callused hand cups her cheek, his thumb softly brushes a stray tear from her pale flesh.

"Hey lass" he whispers back, the deep warm tenor of his voice nearly does her in as her knees weaken, her breath hitches in her chest as a welling of such intense love nearly suffocates her, nearly breaking her heart at the same time it warms it.

"I was so scared"

Soap smiles down at her, wrapping his arms gently around her body, breathing deep into her dark hair, and chuckles inwardly at the smell of alcohol.

"I'm back now, for awhile at least, the good thing is its looks like we can stay here a little longer" he says, turning his head to look at Sherri who is talking with Price quietly behind them. She nods, telling him yes to his silent question, its more than ok that they stay.

"You've been drinking without me" he states with amusement, pulling the girl in his arms back a little so he can see her face.

Emilia blushes, pushing loose hair out of her eyes and giggles a little.

"We had some fun"

Sherri suddenly bursts into laughter, evidently eavesdropping on their conversation, Emilia giggles and sighs softly, thinking she could get used to this, a smile forming on her lips watching Soap turn and jokingly scold the older woman for corrupting her virtuous nature. Emilia's about to say something in defence of her virtue, but the smile she's wearing flickers, then fails all together. Ghost and Roach, their faces flash through her minds eye like a warning.. Her heart clenches, she wants this so bad, just to feel like she belongs with people who love her, but its to perfect… its dangerous to want that, because it never lasts, it wont ever last.

She backs up subtly, the joy and love at seeing Soap alive turns into a poisonous despair in her gut, the old familiar urge to run comes thundering back with a fury so strong that her muscles twitch in anticipation of the flight… it would feel better to run, no not better, safer, to protect what's left of her shattered soul before there is absolutely nothing left.

"Emilia? What's wrong?" Soap says, noticing the strange look she's giving them all, she's panicking but he doesn't know why.

"I-I need a smoke" she cracks out, fishing the cigarettes off the table in the kitchen with shaking hands, glancing at the man standing by her, she doesn't know what to say so she walks away, heading for the sliding door to the back yard and bright blinding sunlight.

"Emilia wait!" Soap says firmly, following her outside closing the glass door behind them, his own panic rising up in his chest, he doesn't know what's going on in her head but he has an idea, an idea that scares the shit out of him.

"Talk to me please" he asks he, hating how weak he sounds at the prospect of loosing her, but Soap ignores it, now is not the time for his masculinity to feel threatened.

He watches her face as she chews on the dry skin of her bottom lip, her eyes glued to the grass at her bare feet, the sigh that escapes her is nearly a whimper, the nervous twisting in her gut makes it hard to concentrate, but she forces her eyes to meet his anyway, locking hazel with ice cold blue.

"I don't know how to do this"

Its not exactly what the Scott expected to here, but her words send cold shivers of dread shooting down his spine anyway, his mind pleading with her not to do this.

"Do what?" he asks, his voice rough and strained.

"I'm so scared John… I-I used to think I was so s-strong, wandering around Russia like a banished warrior" Emilia laughs awkwardly, inhaling more of her smoke, "fuck was I so wrong… I-I cant make it without you.. And that, that scares me more than anything…"

Soap swallows past the knot in his throat and takes one tentative step closer to her, scared that one wrong move will scare her off like some frightened doe.

"Ill never leave you… not ever"

Emilia looks back at him, her eyes welling with tears, her heart swelling with love and pain, a sensation so strong it was nauseating.

"You cant promise me that… you could die. You could, you could leave me.." she shudders, taking in a deep breath to still her trembling body, " I've always been alone, anyone I've ever cared about has been taken from me… its like a cycle, some damned cycle that just repeats itself and repeats itself, breaking me down till I'm nothing.. Nothing but an empty bitter wretch!"

Tears burn Soaps eyes as he listens, realizing for the first time how utterly alone this girl has been her whole life, and it breaks his heart, the only constant dependable thing is the evil that surrounds this pathetic planet.

"I know I cant promise you that… but if you will stay.. with me, I can promise that as long as I'm able I will protect you, and Ill never leave you alone.. "

Stubbing out her smoke in the small ashtray Emilia turns fully to face him, the wall of fear inside her slowly begins to melt, seeing the honesty and conviction in his eyes nearly makes her breaks down.

"What if I have some really annoying habit… like I'm a loud eater, or I stomp when I walk?" she asks, the words coming out before she could stop them, and by the surprised look on the Scott's face he didn't expect it either.

"Well, I know for a fact that you don't do either of those things lass, but it wouldn't matter, after living with Roach for four years I can put up with anything" Soap smiles down at her and closes the gap between their bodies, encircling her small frame in his large arms. A great and powerful warmth spreading through her limbs, chasing away the chill, even if its only for a short while… its beautiful.

Emilia presses her cheeks against his chest and for a moment just breaths in the sent of him, sweat and gunpowder, and something spicy. She smiles, its such a manly smell.

"I love you John" she whispers before she can stop herself, instantly her heart hammers in her ears and she tenses when she feels the Scott tense around her, fuck, of coarse the guys got hearing like a damned cats.

"I love you to lass" he nearly purrs into her ear and Emilia all but bursts into to tears, arms tightening around him. And for the second time in all her short twenty five years Emilia feels truly loved, and its amazing.. Fucking incredible, the only other person who she believes really loved her was her mother, maybe it is to good to be true, but at the moment she just doesn't care.


	20. Only if for a night

*I am soooo soooo unbelievably sorry to you guys for the long delay, my computer crapped out and it took forever to get it fixed because of the holiday, anyhow again, I am so sorry and would be okay if you were preparing pitch forks and torches right about now… this ones a little shorter than normal, but its leading up to a long and hard to right chapter next with multiple new characters, anyway.. Sorry again.. Enjoy*

You take a mortal man  
And put him in control  
Watch him become a God  
Watch peoples heads  
A'roll  
A'roll  
A'roll

Just like Pied Piper  
Led rats through the streets  
We dance like marionettes  
Swaying to the Symphony  
Of Destruction  
Nightwish

20

The calm never lasts, no matter how much you want it to, or how much you pray. There will always be someone out there who destroys it, takes what little peace you can get and blows it apart, and now, after only a few short days of absolute bliss everything was in utter ruin. Yuri of coarse, at the heart of the matter, taking his knew role very seriously, had released a land to air missile strike on Paris. Why Paris? Emilia couldn't fathom, but then when did madmen need reason.

No, they thrived on chaos and terror, and Paris was in a state of terror. The rest of the world still raw and broken from the wars its been fighting is scrambling what little force the allies have left, a meagre force against the enemy… whoever's left goes to those bloody city streets.

In a sense it was perfect timing, if Yuri is attempting on decimating what resistance is left than he's off to a good start, and its this particular train of thought that really has the Scott and his mentor in a panic of their own. Apparently Yuri has been underestimated with terrible consequences, pulling together a strong army of ultra nationalists and other terrorist factions alike, using the deep hatred that many people have for Americans and continuing in Makarov's footsteps, preparing many more strikes around the world in quick succession, at least this is what Soap fears… something that would surely bring humanity to its knee's.

Emilia watches and listens as the two remaining Task Force soldiers poor over maps and stolen Intel, trying desperately to find the Russian. Now more than ever it seems, their disavowed status is really a hindrance, cutting them off from really being able to take care of this problem, but if you had to choose any two men in the world to take on such a feat.. It would be them. Emilia sighs softly, pulling her knees up to her chest, worry creasing the soft pale skin of her forehead. There will be no end to this' she thinks sadly, there will be no peace… can be no peace, and maybe that's the saddest thing of all, that peace is an impossible concept for man kind, a species as much doomed by our intelligence and consciousness as we are blessed by it, if not more so.

The girl watches the Scott draw red circles on a map of Iraq and Africa, a cold dread pooling in her stomach that forces her back to reality, they've found something.

"We'll start here, in this province, if what Nicoli's man says is true than its are best bet, cut the bastard off at the balls" Soap says stiffly to Captain Price. Sherri watching through narrowed eyes as well as she leans on the counter behind the two men nursing a cooling cup of coffee in her hands, occasionally glancing over at Emilia and the worried look in the blonds eyes only increases.

Price grumbles to himself for a moment as he studies what his friend has pointed out, hating their circumstances as much as everyone else, but you role with the hands your dealt.

"Most likely place, it's a hot spot for rebel armies there and the Taliban here in this province" Price takes a deep breath and points to the map again," we'll leave the day after tomorrow, track this bastard down"

Emilia's eyes snap up to the old weathered face and she sits up straighter "just the two of you! That's suicide, you cant possibly think you can walk into Taliban territory and even make it close to whatever target your after!"

Soap cringed slightly at the pain and anger in her voice, but his blue eyes remained soft as he walked over to her placing one large warm hand on her shoulder.

"What other choice do we have?" he says rhetorically, but the look the girl is throwing back at him makes him take a step back.

"What choice do you have! Find others who will fight with you! I cant believe you two haven't thought of this yet, there has to be people out there, its you guys for fucks sake!"

Soaps eyes shot up in surprise, feeling incredibly stupid for not thinking this in the first place… he's been so focused on finding Yuri and keeping Emilia safe that it didn't even cross his mind, and one look at the old man says he's thinking something similar.

"Call Nicoli, see if he can round anyone up, ex-special forces.. Anyone not hostile to us.. Cant afford to be picky Aye mate" Soap says to Price, who just nods grimly and steps off into the next room, faintly Emilia can here the static of his radio squawk as he contacts their Russian friend.

"I think I may know someone… a friend of my husbands, been out of the force for a little while, but if there's anyone on your side it'd be him" Sherri says with sudden excitement, her phone already in her hands as she steps forward.

The Scott just nods his consent at her before turning back to the small and clearly upset girl before him.

"Let me help this time" Emilia nearly pleads, arms crossed over her chest, this surprises him for a second, but of coarse she'd want in. But its not an option…Soap is already shaking his head, there's no way she's ready to face that again…. And there's no way he's risking her life for this.. Or anything.

"No" he says flatly, clearly telling her that the issue is dropped.

"Excuse me! You cant keep me here!" Emilia snaps back and stands in front of him, anger flashing in her large doe eyes, "your not my father Captain Mactavish, and last I checked I can still fire a gun and you need as many hands as you can get"

He didn't want to do this, not here, not now. True she's been, more cheerful but the pain in her eyes was raw, evidence of the deep rooted scars she carries. No matter how strong and defiant Emilia can be, everyone breaks sooner or later and he was not going to risk loosing her completely, shivering at the thought of life without her Soap ground his teeth together and shook his head

"I cant let you, its to dangerous, and your not ready for the battle field.. I-I" he struggled, but honestly was always the best policy, gripping her shoulders gently he caught her burning eyes in his, "I cant loose you to, I know its hard, but I need you to stay safe.. The Russian rebels have founded another base in Iraq which we'll be operating from so you can stay there.. But you must promise me that you'll stay there, I wont compramise on this"

Emilia's heart clenched painfully as she listened to him speak, the love in his voice weakening the fight in her.. Aw fuck it... She thinks, her lungs deflaiting as she puffed out a breath, at least he was giving her that much.

"Ok.." she whispers back, a soft smile and tearful eyes adorn her face as she watches the large man before her visibly sigh with relief.

"You'll be safe there, and maybe I can get you working on intelligence there or something so you'll have… something to do" Soap smiles back, pulling her in to his chest and wrapping his arms around her small body. In this small moment he memorized the feel of her melded against him, the subtle vanilla sent of her hair… he frowns and swallows back the tightness constricting his throat. She feels so fragile in his arms, so easily broken… he needs to protect her but doesn't know how. Not in this world, in this world safety was a thing of the past ;as man kind spiralled deeper and deeper into hell how was he going to keep her shielded from it.

"I love you John.. I-I'm sorry" Emilia says, her words a little muffled as she pushes he face into the warmth of his T-shirt, those last two words, holding so much more regret and sorrow than he could know… so much guilt, never ending guilt that was more like drowning when the world slowed down.. Maybe staying out of the meat grinder is for the best.

"Look at me Emilia" he says gently, pulling her back a little to look at her, "I love you, nothing in the past matters anymore, you understand that, don't you.." he frowns and glances away for a moment, "It wont be easy, but I swear I will keep you safe, I'm going to kill him… I'm going to kill them all and end this"

Emilia watched as his eyes grew dark, the muscles in his arms tensing suddenly with anger, her love for him swelling at his words, she knows that he wont stop and as terrifying as that is, she wouldn't want him any other way.

"He's in!" Sherri shouts cheerfully as she walks back into the kitchen, Soaps head snapping around to her with a scowl, one the older woman just brushes off, "my husbands friend, Charlie Manning, I think Price knows him, anyway, he'll be here in the morning!"

Emilia smiles up at the Scott, who is relieved at the news, maybe they can pull together a little army of their own after all.

"Good news lad" Price says moments later, his gravely voice echoing around the kitchen, "Nicoli's gathered a handful of our old task force buddies.. Said if they believed the lies about us they should be shot and gutted like fascist pigs, got quit a few of them who are going to meet us at the base in Iraq"

Soap mulls this over in his head, hoping to god its not to good to be true… it would be to easy to hope, to easy to believe in that hope, and that is dangerous, hope is a deceiving thing, leading blinded men to the slaughter, no Soap needs to be watchful and suspicious at all times no matter what company you keep.

"I know what your thinking lad," Price says before the Scott can voice his fears, "but they wont be setting us up, Nicoli swears on it and I trust him"

Soap nods at this, not like they had much choice in the matter anyway, take what you can get and all that… So in the spirit of that thought, the Scott swallowed the nervous churn in his gut and wrapped his arm around Emilia's shoulders walking the two of them out of the kitchen and up stairs, if their little time of peace was going to end he by dawn was going to spend the last of it with her…

*Ahhhh again soo so sorryJ I will be updating again soon, I swear to god!*


End file.
